This episode: Deliverance from sexual sin often comes only after truly waiting on God. Learn some of these principles in today's episode!
We're so excited about all the Lord is doing through our ministry! Check out our latest video to find out what we've been up to in 2024.
Timeless Truths: The evidence of saving faith is not that a person believes doctrines, but that they love and obey God from the heart.
This episode: We’ll provide a biblical response to the question, “What is the first step to breaking free from sexual sin?”
This interview: When we put our trust in God and allow Him to do a work in us through our trials, we become a vessel of blessing for others.
This series is meant to offer wives a solid, weighty hope. It's a hope that can say, “No matter what I’m facing, God is good. And no matter what it seems like now, I will go through this in faith so that I can become more like Jesus.” This is true hope, because we believe that everything we go through can be used by God to bring forth lasting, indestructible fruit. This is the final episode in our "Hope for Hurting Wives" series with Kathy Gallagher. Thanks for watching!
This episode: When we put our trust in God and allow Him to do a work in us through our trials, we become a vessel of blessing for others.
For the past 8 weeks we’ve been offering wives a solid, weighty hope. It's a hope that can say “No matter what I’m facing, God is good. And no matter what it seems like now, I will go through this in faith so that I can become more like Jesus.” This is true hope, because we believe that everything we go through can be used by God to bring forth lasting, indestructible fruit. This is the final episode in our Hope for Hurting Wives series with Kathy Gallagher. Thanks for listening!
We are guilty of idolatry if we allow anything—even a good thing, like our spouse—to have the most important place in our hearts and lives.
When we allow something to become more important to us than the Lord, it has become an idol. In this "Timeless Truths" segment from our archives, Jeff & Rose Colón talk to couples about making sure that the Lord is first in their hearts and lives.
Host: Jeff and Rose Colón have joined us in the studio. It's good to see you again.
Jeff & Rose: Good to see you.
Host: Thank you for coming in and talking with us. We want to talk today about spousal idolatry. We use the term idolatry a lot in our everyday topics here at Pure Life. Could you kind of give our listeners an idea of what idolatry truly is?
Jeff: Well, I've heard it said like this: An idol is something that we consistently make equal to or more important than God in our attention and desire. Maybe we just talk about it all the time. Or we're very devoted to it. Or we make choices that revolve around it. It's just something in our lives that has become more important to us than God.
Host: So, it could be anything. It doesn't necessarily have to be something bad.
Jeff: No. Absolutely.
Host: So, how does someone know if he or she has made their spouse an idol in their heart?
Jeff: Well, there's some telltale signs that people can see if they look inside themselves. They can ask themselves, “What is it that I really adore? What is it that I really put my hope in? What is it that I really look forward to? What is it that I really make sacrifices for in my life? What is the most prevalent topic that I tend to talk about? What do I look for my peace in? Where do I look for my meaning and my happiness? Am I looking to my spouse to make me happy? There are a lot of telltale signs that will show us if something is really an idol in our hearts.
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Host: Rose, when you're looking at the wife in a marriage, what are some of the ways as a counselor that you might see how a wife has made an idol of her husband?
Rose: One of the ways that I've seen this manifest is when a wife is being consumed with her husband as far as what he's doing and what he's not doing. She is looking to see if he's spending time with the Lord or if he's not spending time with the Lord. She constantly wants to know if he's pressing into God the way he's supposed to be pressing into Him. Ultimately the focus for this wife is just the husband. She's made the husband out bigger than God is and because of that God is very small in her world. She's just consumed with her husband.
An example I can give from my own life is when my husband was in his sin. I was consumed with how he was doing and what he was doing. I was consumed all day wondering if he was going to be acting out and because of that I wasn't focused on my own walk with the Lord or even my own responsibilities. So, what I've seen in my personal life and in counseling women is that when the husband becomes an all-consuming object, then it starts affecting a wife’s relationship with the Lord. But then too it affects how she acts and responds toward her husband.
Host: So, you're not saying that a wife shouldn't care about her husband and that she should never think about her husband. It's really a matter of balance.
Rose: Right. It is a matter of balance because it's okay to wonder how my husband is doing. But to be wondering how he is doing 24/7 to the point where you’re anxious and worried inside your heart, that's where you are crossing a line because you’re not trusting the Lord with your husband.
Host: Jeff, when a husband or a wife has made an idol of their spouse, how do they begin to deal with that? If they've recognized it, then what are the steps they need to take to deal with it?
Jeff: Well, first of all, they need to understand that from the Word of God,we're told that God will have no other gods before Him. He's a jealous God. He longs for the attention that we give to other things, because He desires to have a relationship with us and He wants us all to Himself. That should be our desire as well because He is what we ultimately need. He created us to have fellowship with Him and to be satisfied by Him and He knows that when we look to other things then we're not going to be fulfilled. He ultimately just wants to bless us and give us what we ultimately need.
So, He encourages us in His Word to turn away from worthless things, to turn away from things that won't satisfy and to seek Him diligently and to make Him the all engrossing object of our lives. He doesn’t have a vain desire for us to fall at His feet, selfishly needing that worship. It’s because we were created by Him and for Him. We were created to have fellowship with Him and He wants that fellowship with us. So, it displeases Him when we look to other things. So, a husband or wife needs to understand that when they are idolizing their spouse, they are giving an amount of attention to someone else that only God should be receiving from them. And if the Lord is not first in their lives, then they're not going to be able to fulfill His purpose and plan for their lives.
Host: Well, is it too strong of a statement to say that if this is the reality that a person is living in then they're in sin and they need to repent?
Jeff: Absolutely. Because sin is missing the mark. And if God is not who we are focusing on then we're missing the mark. One of the main aspects of sin is going around God to get what we want. So, God must be at the center of the marriage. And if both spouses don't have Him as their first source or their first object of desire, they are going to be off track and they are not going to be in the will of God.
Rose: Also, in 1 John, John tells us to keep ourselves from idols. And when you read that command in light of marriage you will see that there's something that you need to do to make sure that you are not allowing your spouse to become an idol in your heart. We need to always be checking our hearts to make sure that God is bigger than our spouse. He's able to keep our spouses. He's able to watch over our spouses. I don't have to be worrying 24/7 about what my husband is doing because our God is bigger than that. When we start worrying and fretting that just reveals that something is not right in our heart and it's usually the tendency of making our spouse an idol.
Host: What are some of the practical things that either a couple can do together or the spouse can do in their own walk to overcome spousal idolatry?
Jeff: Well, I know for myself that if I have something in my life that is taking my attention away from where it needs to be, I need to start making choices to get my focus where it needs to be. The Bible commands us to set our minds on the things above and not the things of the earth. And we just need to rein in our thoughts and our feelings, and we need to start going to the throne of grace which is where we'll get what we need. We need to start getting in the Word of God. We need to start seeking God more on a daily basis.
The more time we start spending with God and the more time we start choosing to make Him the first thing that we're pursuing, He's going to automatically balance things out and then we're going to start seeing things right. And we're going to start to see our spouse in the right perspective. What spouses don't realize is that when God is first and when you're in a right relationship with Him, you're going to be able to fulfill your role as a husband or a wife the way God designed you to because things are going to be in their proper order.
Host: Rose, how often have you seen in counseling where the spouse who has been in idolatry begins to let go of their idolatry and then a lot of issues and problems that were coming up in the marriage kind of begin to take care of themselves.
Rose: Yeah. Those problems do begin to fall by the wayside because the focus is off the other spouse and they're focusing more on the Lord and what the Lord wants to be to them and that they were created for Him first and for His purposes. So, the focus really gets off of self or their spouse and it starts to get more on the Lord. And as that happens, you become freer, and you have more peace inside and you're able to be a blessing. Instead of looking to get something from the other person, you're just looking to give and be a blessing to them.
Hurting wives desperately need the Word of God because it has the power to go inside of them and make them completely new.
In the midst of trials, we need a place to turn to for comfort, help and answers. And when we turn to the Word of God, we find a source of eternal truth. But more than that, we find something that can go inside of us and make us into new creations. In Episode 8 of the "Hope for Hurting Wives" series, Kathy Gallagher talks about the incredible power of the Word of God, and why hurting wives should cherish it as their very life.
This episode: Hurting wives desperately need the Word of God because it has the power to go inside of them and make them completely new.
In the midst of trials, we need a place to turn to for comfort, help and answers. And when we turn to the Word of God, we find a source of eternal truth. But more than that, we find something that can go inside of us and make us into new creations. In Episode 8 of the Hope for Hurting Wives series, Kathy Gallagher talks about the incredible power of the Word of God, and why hurting wives should cherish it as their very life.
Before marrying a man who was formerly addicted to pornography, a woman should look to see if he is exhibiting the fruit of a changed life.
In this "Timeless Truths" segment from our archives, counselor Judy Lucas gives some guidance to a woman who wants to know if her fiancé has truly repented of sexual sin.
Host: Judy, we want to tackle a question here from a woman that is considering marrying a man. He has confided in her letting her know that he spent five years addicted to pornography, but he does not currently have any desire to go back to sexual sin. He apparently has had some period of freedom. He did acknowledge to her that he only struggles with images when he brings them up in his mind. She wants to marry him, but she doesn't want to marry someone involved in pornography. How should she be looking at the situation?
Judy: Well, one thing I would definitely tell her is that it’s a really good thing that she can thank the Lord for that he is willing to be honest and walk in the light about his past involvement in sexual sin and that he is honest about his current struggles. There are too many men on the other side of the fence where they are hiding and lying. So, it is a very good thing that he is willing to tell on himself. Another question that we hear all the time from women who are either dating or married to guys that have a past of viewing pornography is, “How do I know that he's not going to do this again?” And the honest truth is that it is hard to know. I can't give them full assurance that the man will never go back to his sin.
There are many things we don't know about this relationship. How long have they been seeing each other? How long has she known him? What's been his track record? One thing I do want to encourage any woman to do when dating is to not be in a hurry to get married. Instead, she should begin to pay attention to his lifestyle a bit. What is some of the fruit he displays in his life? What do his daily activities look like? Does he seem to have a strong relationship with the Lord? Is he in the word? Is he in prayer? Does he spend time at church? Is he serving others in a selfless manner? Or is he in to things that would raise up red flags? I would even ask her about what her relationship with this guy looks like. Are they walking in purity, or is he making suggestions to cross lines into sexual intimacy? There are a lot of things to process and think about.
The main thing she should be doing is praying and seeking the Lord for direction. She should maybe even be talking with her pastor to get some wise counsel along the way too.
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Host: We do need to add as an encouragement that God can keep a man that is truly repentant and who’s desire truly is to not to go back to his sin safe in His hand.
Judy: Yes, He can. There's a lot of wonderful Scripture that talks about how the Lord will keep you. He gives us the Holy Spirit to bring the conviction that keeps us on the narrow way. The other thing is that when a guy looks at pornography, those images are imprinted in his brain and it's a continual battle for that man. So, I'm sure that the enemy does come to bring those images back to mind. But also, there is the reality of the power of God to transform the human mind.
That transforming power comes slowly over time as he spends time in the Word. The Holy Spirit begins to renew the mind and wash out those images. He begins to replace those images with who God is and the things of God. It's like the washing out of the old junk and bringing something brand new and beautiful to think about. One last thing I would encourage this woman to do as she's thinking about marriage is to make sure her relationship with God is where it needs to be. She needs to make sure that God is her first love. He needs to be her heavenly husband. Her walk with God should be strong. It is also crucial that they are both walking with the Lord and making Him the first priority in their lives.
Host: Yes. And that's so important particularly when looking at a suitor who has a background of sexual sin. Our prayer of course is that they will continue to walk in victory. But if something happens where he falls into sin or the enemy sets a trap that he steps into, a woman is going to need a solid relationship with the Lord to be able to respond to that appropriately in the marriage or the dating relationship.
Judy: Absolutely. And again, that's why it's so important for him not to just be honest with her but to have another godly man in his life that can come alongside him and help him walk through his struggles with temptation. We always tell women that they are not to be the main accountability person for their spouse or someone they are dating. So, it is important for him to have a godly male figure that he can be open and honest with.
Host: Yeah. Well, as a guy, I'll just second that and say we need that. So, I appreciate you underscoring the need for accountability as well. Thanks so much for your counsel on this issue.
Judy: Thank you. It was great to be here.
There are many natural (but ungodly) ways to react to a husband's sin. Kathy Gallagher helps wives see new ways to respond.
There are many ways wives respond to a husband's sin. Some women pretend nothing is wrong. Others intensely monitor and try to control their husband's behavior. These reactions are natural, but they are not godly. In this episode of the "Hope for Hurting Wives" series, we'll look at four unhealthy reactions to a husband's sin, and then talk about what it looks like to react—not in a natural way, but in a godly way.
This episode: There are many natural (but ungodly) ways to react to a husband's sin. Kathy Gallagher helps wives see new ways to respond.
There are many ways wives respond to a husband's sin. Some women pretend nothing is wrong. Others intensely monitor and try to control their husband's behavior. These reactions are natural, but they are not godly. In this episode of the Hope for Hurting Wives series, we'll look at four unhealthy reactions to a husband's sin, and then talk about what it looks like to react—not in a natural way, but in a godly way.
When someone hurts us, we must be especially careful to guard our hearts against a self-righteous and judging spirit.
When someone deeply hurts us, Satan tempts us in a very subtle way. He tempts us to obsess about their sins and to see ourselves as being better than they are. And if we don't guard our hearts, we can easily begin to judge them as being terrible sinners who are unworthy of mercy. It's a very dangerous place to be, and the only way to overcome this temptation is to stay at the foot of the cross.
This Episode: When someone hurts us, we must be especially careful to guard our hearts against a self-righteous and judging spirit.
When someone deeply hurts us, Satan tempts us in a very subtle way. He tempts us to obsess about their sins and to see ourselves as being better than they are. And if we don't guard our hearts, we can easily begin to judge them as being terrible sinners who are unworthy of mercy. It's a very dangerous place to be, and the only way to overcome this temptation is to stay at the foot of the cross.
As our master, the Lord has a right to expect our total dedication to His cause, His great purposes and His specific wishes.
"Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, until He is gracious to us." (Psalm 123:2)
In 1995 a friend and I were traveling throughout Turkey visiting the ruins of various New Testament cities. One day we stopped for lunch in a Turkish town lying adjacent to ancient Thyatira. Being the only guests in the restaurant that day, our young waiter was able to focus all of his attention upon our needs. I have never seen such a display of attentiveness in all my many years of dining out. He stood at a respectful distance away, but there was no question that he was utterly alert to the slightest gesture we might make to signal some need.
If this can be true with a modern waiter, how much more so for a servant in biblical times whose very life depended upon his master’s favor. It is this vivid picture the psalmist paints to convey to his readers what it means to wait upon the Lord.
God has created a dynamic in life whereby any human who so wishes may enter into a covenantal relationship with Him. This pact holds benefits and responsibilities for both parties.
As our master, the Lord has a right to expect our total dedication to His cause, His great purposes and His specific wishes. As His servants, we are expected to fulfill His commands, obey Him implicitly and give Him heartfelt devotion. This relationship is far deeper and more comprehensive than the superficial obedience that pseudo-Christianity suggests. We don’t serve a master who lives in a faraway place; one who only expects us to perform our duties nominally. No, we live in the Master’s home and are in His presence continually.
<pull-quote>As our master, the Lord has a right to expect our total dedication to His cause, His great purposes and His specific wishes. As His servants, we are expected to fulfill His commands, obey Him implicitly and give Him heartfelt devotion.<pull-quote><tweet-link>TweetThis<tweet-link>
This Turkish waiter was one of the few I have ever seen who actually live up to the name of their occupation. He waited. He waited for us to convey our wishes. He waited with the utmost attentiveness. What’s more, he waited with an attitude of great respect. This is the proper attitude we should hold of the Most High God.
To “wait upon the Lord” has the sense of quietly sitting in expectation of His word. As the Master, the Lord has the right to choose when He wishes something to be done. As our Commander, He has the right to pick the right time to tell us to move forward. As our heavenly Father, He has the right to respond to our requests in His timing. If we will “watch and pray,” God will direct us, lead us and fulfill all of our petitions; and His timing will be perfect. “Blessed is that servant whom his master when he comes shall find so doing!” (Matthew 24:46 WNT)
And how about you?
As we follow our great Shepherd, we will always have the assurance of being kept on the “straight and narrow.”
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake." (Psalm 23:1-3)
The beautiful passage above presents two persons: the Shepherd/Lord and the sheep/believer.
Jesus Christ would later use and amplify this illustration to describe His role with His followers. “I am the good shepherd,” He said, “and I know My own and My own know Me, even as the Father knows Me and I know the Father…” (John 10:14-15) For Jesus to say that His followers would know Him in the same way the Father does is an extraordinary statement. There is nothing superficial in their relationship. It speaks of a deep intimacy and a meaningful submission of One to the Other.
This is the very characteristic that stands out in the respective roles of the Shepherd and sheep in the Psalm 23 illustration. The Shepherd clearly takes the leading role in the relationship. He leads His sheep into green pastures, alongside quiet waters, down paths of righteousness and ultimately, “through the valley of the shadow of death.”
What makes these people follow Him? Is it a religious system they are following? Is it a popular movement they are joining? Are they following a set of rules in the hopes of avoiding hell and going to heaven? No! It
is a Person they are following! Jesus offers a clear explanation of their motivation: “the sheep follow him because they know his voice. A stranger they simply will not follow, but will flee from him, because they do not know the voice of strangers.” (John 10:4-5)
Christians don’t obey biblical commandments so that they might be considered good enough to inherit God’s kingdom. They obey the Lord because they truly love Him and want to please Him. They follow Him, they obey Him and they emulate Him. They have a spiritual connection to God that enables them to discern His will for their daily lives. This is how they know when it is time to get refreshed by the quiet waters or when it is time to hit the trail again!
<pull-quote>Christians don’t obey biblical commandments so that they might be considered good enough to inherit God’s kingdom. They obey the Lord because they truly love Him and want to please Him. <pull-quote><tweet-link>TweetThis<tweet-link>
Psalm 23 offers the different aspects of the believer’s life. First and foremost, he must have regular, meaningful times sitting in God’s presence. Eating the lush vegetation represents the place Scriptures hold in our lives. The word for “green pastures” (Heb. deshe’) literally refers to the tender shoots of new grass. It is the most delectable food a sheep can find. This is an apt description of what the Word of God is to the hungry believer.
The “quiet waters” describes the refreshment that comes from spending quality time in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Believers facing the conflicts of life sense their great need for the revitalizing effects of prayer.
The time spent with God is what enables the believer to get back on the path of righteousness. Sometimes it is a lonely path. It is a path fraught with dangers. Around any bend one might encounter some alluring temptress or some savage assault. But as he follows his great Shepherd, he will always have the assurance of being kept on the “straight and narrow.”
And how about you?
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