One of the biggest hurdles to a vibrant, life in Christ is a thriving self-life. In order to walk in humility, we must daily die to ourselves so that Jesus's resurrection life can be made manifest through ours.

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Mike: We want to continue our discussion on humility by talking specifically about humility and death to self in our discussion today. I know for those who may not be familiar with the subject of humility, or have never even thought about this idea of death to self, it can sound like a morbid thing. But it really is an integral part of our faith, and it’s not morbid at all. I’m hoping that we can help people clearly see the way that it’s meant to be understood. I want to begin by asking you a question about the idea of humility and how its purpose is to bring us to a destination. How is that so?

Jeff: Well, it reminds of a scripture in Philippians 2 that we often quote at Pure Life. Verse 5 says, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” If I just read that, it's like, “Yeah, I want that.” But that leads somewhere. That mindset was leading Jesus somewhere. Ultimately, we see where it led Him when we read verse 8, “Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and He became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.” So, if we really want the mindset of Jesus, we must have a mindset of submission to the Lords will. That mindset is ultimately going to lead us to death to self and an understanding of what it means to carry our own cross.

Mike: We talk about the new life that we have in Christ, but sometimes we forget that the only way to have new life is first to die – to die to self.

Jeff: Exactly. And that is why we must be led down the same pathway Jesus was led down. There is no other way to have the life of Christ. And it really is the only way for our fallen nature to be done away with so that the life of Christ can be lived out in our lives.

Mike: Expand a little bit on why it’s so important for us to embrace death to self.

Jeff: It’s important because those who are not willing to die to self never come into the fellowship of His sufferings. And for that reason, they never really experience true deliverance from self. Unless that voluntary surrender and death to self comes, they will never find the freedom they are looking for.

Mike: With that being so critical for our entering into fellowship with Christ, the obvious question is how do I die to myself? What is practically involved in that?

Jeff: Well, one thing I’ve learned in my own life is that we have to look at the facts squarely. I cannot produce death to self on my own accord. But I can cooperate with God and God shows me in His Word how to cooperate. He gives me many opportunities where I can choose to deny myself and do what He says in His Word. When I do that, I am cooperating with the Holy Spirit and yielding myself to the Lord. Then He is going to do the work in me. We have so many opportunities throughout the day where we can humble ourselves and do what the Word of God tells us. And as we do that, God will honor it and He will use it to reveal Jesus to our hearts. I have learned that to be true in my own life.

Mike: I think one of the things that we see the men struggling with in our Residential Program is that many of them have tried to die to self and they have tried to humble themselves. But they have tried to do it in their own strength, and they have missed the point that they are utterly helpless to do it themselves. On the other hand, some take that reality and make the mistake of thinking they just should not do anything since they cannot do it. But I am so glad that you brought it out that while we are helpless, God still expects us to respond to what He wants to do in us.

Jeff: Oh, absolutely. His desire is to give us everything He has purchased for us through His blood, and we cannot have that unless we experience true death to self.

Mike: I was thinking of another thought as we were just talking about professing believers failing to walk in true humility. Often the world doesn’t see anything in professing Christians that distinguishes them from the rest of mankind. And the reason for this is because they are not seeing a reflection of the humility of Christ in believers.

Jeff: Yeah. And it is very sad. I know in my own life, especially when I have gone home to visit family members that do not know the Lord, I want them to see Jesus in my life. And I have come to understand over the years that I will not be able to present that by talking about Jesus. Instead, they are going to have to see something genuine in my life. It’s sad when family members get around us and they don't see much of the life of Christ displayed through us. Really it's just a result of not allowing more of this death process to take place in our lives.
It’s been a growing passion of mine to allow the Lord to be reflected more to others through the testimony of my life. I want this because I understand how much people need the Lord and they don't just need to hear about Him. God wants to reflect His image through our lives and I want that, but it's not going to happen unless I truly embrace my cross and really learn what it means to die to self so that His life can be reflected through mine.

Mike: Yes. The world needs Christians who live out the life of Jesus more than they talk about it. I want to reiterate as well that this growth of humility in us is not something that we can produce in self effort, but God allows things in our life every day to give us the opportunity to choose to die to self. This can happen through a variety of different circumstances. It may be that someone crosses our will, or it may be a situation where we have the opportunity to try and control circumstances to work in our favor but instead we choose to deny ourselves. In any situation we must choose to walk as Jesus walked and allow God to develop His humility in us.
If someone sees that they have been lacking humility and now they want to follow the Lord to learn to develop humility in their lives, where should they start?

Jeff: Well, some of this lack of humility comes from a Christian not being in the Word of God. Scripture tells us that the Word is a lamp unto our feet. So, I would tell them to go over Scriptures that point you in the right direction. One that comes to mind is Romans 6:3 where it asks, “Have you forgotten that when we became Christians, we were baptized to become one with Jesus Christ?” It goes on to tell us that we’ve died with Him. So, we should consider ourselves dead to sin and able to live for the glory of God through Christ Jesus. We must give ourselves completely to God since we’ve been given a new life.
Now, if I am reading that, that is God telling me, or reminding me, what has happened to me when I came to Christ. And it’s good for us to remind ourselves that our lives are not our own. So I would encourage anybody that is wanting to walk in humility to get in the Word of God. Go over Scriptures like Romans 6:3 and believe God to do in your life exactly what the Word says. Agree with the Lord and say, “I want that, and I am going to do the things that you show me in your Word to produce those things in my life so that your life can be reflected through mine.”

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Mike: Amen. And of course, the thing that we try to communicate often is that God wants to do a work in us as believers and as His children. But just as importantly He wants to do a work through us for other people. This humility is not just something God wants to produce so that we can go around proclaiming that we are humble people. He wants to humble us so that we become vessels that He can pour His life through to reach other people.

Jeff: And that’s what it’s all about. There is a lost and dying world out there and people need to see Jesus. They will not see Him unless there are believers that are willing to truly die to self and embrace this truth so that the life of Christ can manifest itself to those dear souls.

Who was this Jesus from the Bible? What was He really like? Reverend Dave Leopold continues to help answer these questions this week. One startling revelation about Christ’s character is that He was and is a consuming fire of love. And when this love came into contact with men and women in the Bible, it demanded a response. Dave looks at two such encounters in the stories of the Rich Young Ruler and Zacchaeus the tax collector. Each encounter with Jesus’ powerful presence brought them face to face with their true character, and it was then they were forced to decide how they would respond – a decision that would determine their eternal destiny.

Resources

• Myth: You Can Have Your Own Life in This World (Blog) by Jordan Yoshimine

The faith needed to live out the Christian life is directly related to humility. But one of the things that gets in the way of humility is a performance-driven mindset. When we live this way, our need for the Lord diminishes and our pride begins to flourish.

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Mike: We are going to continue our discussion on humility today by focusing on humility and faith. Speaking of faith, I want to read just a couple of passages that talk about some of the great promises we have. In Philippians 4:7 it says, “You will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your heart and mind as you live in Christ Jesus.” Matthew 11:28 says, “Come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.” We could go on and on, because there are so many great promises that God has given us. But why do we have so much trouble believing these promises?

Jeff: Well, those wonderful promises you just read were conveyed in the life of Jesus when He was here on the earth. I cannot help but think about His interactions with the Pharisees and how much they needed to hear what He expressed to them. Jesus gave them the secret to what hindered them from coming to salvation. He said to them, “No wonder you cannot believe. For you gladly honor each other, but you do not care about the honor that comes from God alone.” When I think about that, what I see is that the barrier that kept them from coming to Jesus was pride. Pride will always keep us from coming to God and understanding our need for Him.

Mike: We often talk about self and the self-life. Talk a little bit about how that relates to what you just described.

Jeff: Obviously, our inner nature does not want to be lowly, unnoticed or to let go of its reputation. There is always something in us that wants the kind of honor before men that allows us to be exalted. You see it in the disciples where they argue about who would be the greatest in the Kingdom. It is in all of us to want to be something, so our inner nature is going to resist to allow God to be what He wants to be in our lives, which is everything.

Mike: Self and pride really make faith impossible, don’t they?

Jeff: What they do is blind us of our need for God. And when you think about it, the Pharisees were blind. They could not see their need, because they prided themselves on their performance, their traditions and their standing with men. They cared nothing about the honor of God.

Mike: It is easy to beat up on the Pharisees, but some of their qualities are in all of us. Let’s look at some of the examples that we see in our own lives. How do the qualities of a pharisee manifest themselves in all of us?

Jeff: When you think about faith, faith is believing God for everything. It is seeing the unseen. But we can take pride in anything and look to ourselves in a job, in our reputation, in the community, or even in ministry. I sometimes find myself looking to what I do in ministry as my source of well-being, or even honoring myself in my performance. And it really does hinder my faith in the Lord and hinders God from being able to do what He wants to do in and through my life.

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Mike: I have seen in my own life that this kind of pride and focus on self is the thing that can make my faith so superficial and short lived. It can make my faith powerless really, in many ways.

Jeff: Yeah, and it becomes an obstacle really to our faith.

Mike: I know there have been times in my life where I am reading a promise in Scripture and I am just having trouble believing it. In those moments I can see the different things in myself that I hold on to and I see how pride is working in my life. Talk to us a little bit about how we begin to deal with these obstacles to our spiritual growth and our ability to walk in faith.

Jeff: Really what we need is a total change of direction in our way of thinking. We must realize that we have these bullet patterns ingrained in our flesh nature. We need to cooperate with the Lord and let our desire and our prayer be, Lord I want to be humble and I want to be like you. But then we also need to accept the things that God allows into our lives that bring about humility and to not resist them. I have had many things in my life help bring me down. I have to realize that it’s the Lord who allowed those things in my life. I’ve had to learn that it’s good for me to accept the things that will bring about greater humility in my life.

Mike: The key thing you said that I picked up on there is that He really does want to transform us from the inside out. He wants to make us like Jesus, that’s His goal for our lives.

Jeff: Absolutely. He made a promise in 2nd Peter Chapter One that we will be created into the image of Christ. That to me is a glorious, glorious part of my salvation. That I am given a new nature and God is going to change me day by day, more and more into the glory of God. Praise the Lord.

Mike: Amen. By faith we hear that and by faith we believe it. And as we deal with the men that come into our Residential Program and the women in our OCAH program as well, one of the great things to watch is how God's faithfulness is working the flesh nature out of people because He wants us to have the faith to believe. And that’s not just the faith to believe to be saved, but the faith to believe that He is going to transform us into His image. And it is so wonderful to see Him doing that in the lives of people around us. It’s an encouragement to me and to all of us on staff here at Pure Life. You also mentioned that we need to embrace the things that God allows in our lives to begin to break down our pride and the self that is in us. What can we do in a proactive sense to begin to walk in what the Lord wants to bring us into?

Jeff: Well, I will go back to that opening Scripture where Jesus says, “No wonder you cannot believe for you gladly honor each other, but you don't care about the honor that comes from God.” I know a guy is coming into something real with the Lord when he starts doing things because he wants to honor God. When this is the case, that is all he cares about. He does not care if he is judged wrongly by his wife, his counselor or whoever. He is learning the secret of living his life before the Lord.
We must live our lives like that, because then it becomes about honoring Him, pleasing Him and doing everything for Him. There can be no self in that way of living. And it really takes faith to do that because you are believing in the unseen. You are looking to God and you are not looking to the tangible things where people can pat you on the back or say nice things about you. You are doing it for the Lord and that is where humility and faith meet, where you are honoring God. Start seeking the honor that only comes from God and let God become everything to you. That will deliver you from the slavery of living for self and wanting all the attention for yourself. There is a freedom that comes from serving God from your heart and knowing your reward comes from Him.

The Internet is a marvelous invention that has many incredible benefits...and unfortunately many pitfalls. Internet users can hide behind their computer screens and interact with the world in ways they would never think to do in real life. This feeling of invincibility has led to numerous problems online: from cyberbullying to predators, and from pornography to cybersex.

It all reminds me of the ancient myth of Gyges’ Ring.

Anonymity Brings Us More Temptation

Gyges of Lydia is a humble shepherd under the king’s service. One day an earthquake opens up the mouth of a cave, and Gyges ventures inside. There he finds a tomb, and in the tomb a golden ring. Gyges takes the ring and soon discovers that by adjusting the clasp on the ring while wearing it, he will become invisible. Using his new power, he enters the palace of the king, seduces the queen, and together they assassinate the king and take over the kingdom.

Plato recounts this same story in The Republic, putting the story in the mouth of the character Glaucon. Glaucon’s point is that even the most apparently moral person would use the cloak of invisibility to achieve selfish ends. Essentially, the idea is that deep down everyone is an egoist, motivated only by self-interest. The only reason people appear as good is because of social constraints that are upon them: the fear of being caught, the fear of appearing selfish, and the avoidance of punishment.

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The Internet is a modern day Gyges’ ring: it makes people invisible and anonymous, and thus holds out a formidable temptation for everyone to live as they please.

Glaucon’s argument is attractive because it is not much of an argument at all, but more of a thought experiment that is meant to have the reader ask, “What would I do if I had the ring?” The idea is that as long as all or most people say they would use the ring for selfish gain, Glaucon’s point is made. Taken as a statement of fact, it is easy to accept: people are selfish.

While this may be a clever story to show how people are, it is not a good argument for how people should be. This would be categorized by philosophers as an ad populum fallacy: attempting to convince people of something by arousing the feeling and enthusiasms of the multitude. While it may be true that all or most people are selfish, it does not mean that we ought to be that way.

Misplacing Our Desire for Pleasure

What’s remarkable about the Bible is that it does not tell us that self-interest is wrong, but that our natural self-interest is misinformed and blinded. Gyges problem isn’t that he is hungry for power and pleasure, but that he simply doesn’t know where real power and pleasure are found. Similarly, our problem is not that we want satisfaction, but that we believe that Internet porn is the fountain where our thirsts will be quenched.

CS Lewis said it best in his sermon, The Weight of Glory:

“The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. . . . Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

God offers us the ultimate pleasure of Himself, and when we see Him as truly beautiful, glorious, and pleasurable, we then see the mask ripped from the false pleasures of this world.

When I discovered the world of Internet pornography, I was an easy target. I gave in and developed an addiction that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. But the addiction also showed me something . . .

The Internet became my own Gyges’ Ring: it revealed who I really was and what I really wanted. It revealed to me that what really fueled my moral engine. It showed me I was not a man after God’s heart as much as I was a man looking for cheap thrills, held back only by social norms and religious sentiments. Something in me needed to radically change.

Over the next four weeks, we’re going to play a series of messages by Reverend Dave Leopold from the Zion Faith Homes. These talks, delivered back in February to the men in our Residential Program, focused on helping us to see the character of Jesus Christ more clearly.  
This week’s message comes from John 1, where the Apostle wrote that Jesus Christ came to us, “full of grace and truth.” These words are a profound revelation about Jesus’ ministry, but they also reveal to us what we truly need from God in this life. Grace enables us to do what we could never do on our own, while truth tells us exactly what we need to hear and shows us what we need to see. Together, they work to help us to find our way towards real freedom.

Resources

• Jesus Came to Save the Addict (Blog) by Steve Gallagher

The only way for us to come into true humility is to see our own sinfulness in the light of the cross of Jesus Christ. This requires us to not only accept our sinful condition, but to accept the mercy and forgiveness offered by God.

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Mike: As we continue our discussions on the subject of humility, we want to focus in today on humility and sin. I want to start our discussion with the passage from 1 Timothy 1:15 where Paul says, “This is a true saying and everyone should believe it, Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners and I was the worst of them all.” Now this is one of the things that we must deal with here at Pure Life Ministries because so many of the men and women that come to us have been steeped in sin for so long. In many cases, we must help the men who come to us come to a place where they are able to see the real condition of their heart. One of the difficulties is that we can have a tendency to get stuck only looking at our sin. Can you begin by helping us understand the importance of seeing our sin, but also what that needs to lead us towards?

Jeff: The first thing we get a sight of when we encounter the cross and the reality of why Jesus had to die is our sinful condition and our need for what He did for us on the cross. I believe any true repentance must start there; it has to. But we can’t just stay looking at our sin, we also need to see Jesus there dying for our sin. As we begin to understand our own sinfulness, we come to understand the mercy He has had on us and the forgiveness that God offers us through Jesus Christ. That is what happened to Paul when the light shone on him on the road to Damascus. His eyes were opened, and we hear throughout his writings many testimonies stemming out of that encounter he had with Jesus.

What you read from 1 Timothy where Paul said he was the worst of them all shows me that Paul never forgot the reality of how great a sinner he was. Yet you can hear in the same sentence the greatness of God and His mercy that He would even consider him to be an apostle. That is the perfect balance we need. I am personally thankful that Christ’s light shone in my heart over 20 years ago, but I had to receive that light. Sad to say a lot of the men that come to our program have refused to let that light shine in their hearts and they stay stuck in their sin. They have not really faced their sinful condition. Some of these men, I fear to say, have never truly repented from their sin, because they have not allowed Christ’s light to shine in their lives. And obviously God wants them to know Him in a real way. He wants them to experience the power of the cross, but it must start there.

Mike: When God shows us the darkness of our hearts and draws us into the light, it really creates in us a tremendous gratitude. Paul was always communicating how grateful he was that the Lord allowed him to suffer for the sake of Christ. But the only reason he saw that as a privilege was because he saw what God had brought him out of.

Jeff: Absolutely. It says in 1 Corinthians 1:26, “How thankful I am to Christ Jesus our Lord for considering me trustworthy and pointing me to serve Him even though I used to scoff at the name of Christ.” Paul understood the darkness he came out of and was so grateful that Jesus chose him.

Mike: Talk a little bit about how having that sight increases or establishes a genuine humility in us.

Jeff: Well, I think about what Jesus said to Simon the pharisee when the sinful woman was at His feet. You see the contrast right there, because the Pharisee was not in sight of his sin yet, but this woman was. And Jesus said to the Pharisee, “Who do you think is going to love more, the one who is forgiven much or the one that is forgiven little?” And the Pharisee answers rightly saying, “I would think the one forgiven much.” And Jesus said, “You have answered correctly. He who is forgiven little loves little, but he who is forgiven much, loves much.” Paul, I believe, understood that and you read about him being compelled by Christ’s love. His whole ministry was really motivated by love. But really that came out of how he viewed himself before the Lord. Not just as a sinner, but as a product of God's mercy. That really is where the sweetness of our salvation comes from.

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Mike: How important is it that we have a sight of how sinful we are and how much we have been forgiven if we want to live a life walking in the Spirit and overcome our flesh, the world, and the Devil.

Jeff: Well, I do not believe you can do it if you have not had a sight of your own sinfulness and how much you have been forgiven. You cannot love much without seeing how much you have been forgiven. You will not want to lay your life down. If anything, you might serve out of obligation. But outward obedience will only take you so far. When you understand the reality of the mercy God has given you, then like Paul said, it will be your reasonable service to offer your life up as a living sacrifice. That is a picture of yielding oneself to the Lord and can only occur after you have been broken and have repented. That is where meekness enters in and where you surrender your will to God. The only way we can walk in the Spirit is when our will is surrendered to God. Unless that breaking happens, unless that realization of sin and true repentance comes about, there will be no breaking of self-will in that person's life, and they will not be able to walk in the Spirit.

Mike: One of the things that we sometimes see in people who have received a sight of their sin is that they only become aware of where they fail. Where they come short of the glory of God, where they come short of who Jesus is and yet we see a lack of humility reflected, because all they are focused on is their inability to perform.

Jeff: Yeah. And you can equate that with pride. They cannot humble themselves and receive freely what God has done for them. They feel like they must work for it or earn it and you really do have to humble yourself to receive the grace of God, because there is nothing you can do to merit that. The only way to receive the grace of God is to acknowledge that you are a sinner before the Lord and earnestly plead for mercy. Then you must gratefully believe it when the Word says, “if you confess your sin, He is faithful to cleanse you and forgive you.” When you realize that, you receive forgiveness freely. That itself is humbling.
Mike: I keep hearing the word self. Of course, when you get to the root of it, what we are really talking about here is regarding a lack of being able to humble ourselves. One of the great dangers of just focusing on the darkness and not allowing God to move us into the light is that even though we may have a hatred for our sin, we are still focused on self.

Jeff: That is so true. We are helpless to fix ourselves, and if all we do is look at ourselves and our inabilities – it’s a hopeless situation. Yes, we need a reality of our sinful condition, but faith looks to Jesus. True faith gets our eyes on Jesus and on the work of the cross. That is where my hope comes from and that is where we need to come to God: in faith, trusting that He will be able to deliver us from self.  He is able to help us live this life as the new creation that we have become through what He did for us in His death and resurrection.

Mike: Amen. If many in the church world were to look at the men that come into our Residential Program, they would see a bunch of hopeless cases. The reality is that many of them come here feeling hopeless, because they had been living in tremendous darkness. But it is very wonderful to see when they begin to really see the darkness that they are in, because that opens the door for the Lord to do His work.

Jeff: Really what happens is that they get exposed to light while they are here. When they embrace that light, they begin to understand just how dark their hearts have been and they experience true brokenness and repentance in their lives. When they come to the place where they finally understand that they in of themselves are nothing, they become a prime candidate to become a new creation. God can do a lot with a person who understands that they are nothing but understands that God is everything.

What confuses you most about your husband’s sin? This is one of the questions we ask women to answer on the Wives at Home Program application. The following are the kinds of questions we see in this ministry along with some thoughts for the wife.

1. “How did he get so deeply involved in this?”

No doubt your husband had a propensity for this particular kind of sin (every human has some form of sin they are drawn to), but he didn’t get addicted to it instantaneously. No doubt a demon set him up with pornography as a youngster. At first he dabbled in it. He tasted the fruit and liked what he tasted. So he kept going back. Little did he know that some devil was luring him down this path until he was completely consumed with sexual fantasy.

After a while, the pornography alone wasn’t enough: he needed to experience what he was seeing. At first this was “normal” sex, but this didn’t hold him either. It’s the law of diminishing returns my husband talks about in At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry. Sin doesn’t satisfy so it always lures the person to go to deeper levels of sin and baser kinds of behavior in search of fulfillment.

By the time you came along, he was utterly addicted. Sexual experience had become the god he worshipped.

2. “Why didn’t he tell me about this before I married him?”

Of course, it would have been right for your husband to confess his secret life to you. I can think of at least a couple reasons why he didn’t tell you about it, though. First, sexual sin is very shameful. The last thing he would want to do is to scare off the girl he wants to marry by presenting himself as a seedy pervert.

The other thing that probably kept him from confessing is that he honestly believed that once the two of you got married that his need for illicit sexual experiences would magically vanish. This is a very common belief. He believed this because—at that point—he was sexually attracted to you. He didn’t understand that, because he had already corrupted himself through pornography, that his sexual attraction to you would wane after the initial excitement.

You see, a man who has not polluted himself with pornography would continue to be attracted to his wife. God created him that way. But once pornography sets the tone for his sex life, he constantly needs something new to keep him interested. He has been living in the sexual fast lane for a long time and normal sex just won’t hold his interest. Even secular researchers are now talking about how, over time, pornography destroys a person’s ability to get sexually aroused.

3. “Why doesn’t he just quit?”

Every time I read an application I grieve because I know so well the fears and the conflicting feelings that wife is experiencing. As long as I am “in this business” I will never fully understand why these men risk so much, go to so much trouble to create a secret life, and hollow out their souls for the sake of some temporary sexual thrill. What’s the point of all of this? Why do they do this to themselves? Is the pay-off worth all that they are forfeiting? Is this really what they want in life?

Part of the confusion wives deal with is attempting to apply logic to irrational behavior. In their minds, their husbands should “just quit doing it!” That is the way reasonable people look at destructive behavior. “Look at all the people you are hurting, look at where this is taking you.” It seems so simple, but there is a ton of evidence to prove that logic, common sense, and even love have all taken a back seat to a very powerful drive that is in men. I know a lot of men who would love to “flip a switch” and be done with their sin. If it were that easy there would be no need for Pure Life Ministries. The “switch flipping” mentality in women is why there is a lot of confusion about this issue. A lot of wives do not understand the power of pornography or sexual addiction.

As terrible as all of this sounds I do want to say that many “Christian” men agonize inside over what they are doing. They want help, but they are overcome by the power and pull of sin. They are weak spiritually because they have become so accustomed to obeying lust. Their motivation to quit cannot stand up to the power of the temptation when it shows up. They will never have the strength in themselves to overcome. Only the Lord can do it, but He does set men free!

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I could explain these things all day long, but it will never make sense for most women. My best advice to you as a wife is to move past confusion and move into faith. If your husband wants to get free of sexual addiction, he is going to have to make a full-on surrender to Jesus Christ. But, do you know what? If you are ever going to experience true peace and joy, you are going to need to do the same thing. You can have the perfect husband and the perfect marriage and still be unhappy and unfulfilled in life. Only the Lord can satisfy the human heart.

People who are sincerely seeking freedom from sexual sin usually have a vague idea that there is something under the surface that needs to be dealt with. This is true, but they are usually very surprised when they find out what it is. In a recent series of shows, we asked the question, “What does that have to do with my problem?” And all the issues we touched on in those episodes – self-righteousness, self-pity, obsession with success – all of them flow out of a thriving self-life. In this week’s show, we look at another key feature of the self-life: pride, and how it really is another hidden fuel of sexual sin.

Resources

• Exposing the Root of all Sin (Video Series) by Pure Life Ministries

• i: The Root of Sin Exposed (Book) By Steve Gallagher

A humble character and heart are really at the core of what it means to be holy, as Jeff Colón helps us see in this week’s blog.

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Mike: I want to talk today about a word that we may not naturally equate with humility and that is holiness. We of course read a lot about holiness; we read that God Himself is holy, and we are commanded to be holy as He is holy. So, let's start off with this question. What can we look at in our own lives and see as genuine proof that we have some understanding of what holiness really is?

Jeff: For a lot of us, we think of holiness in more of an outward sense of looking a certain way or acting a certain way. When we do that, we make the mistake of not understanding what true biblical holiness looks like. The only genuine proof of our holiness is how humble we are before God and before man. It makes me think of Hebrews 12:14, where we are told to live in peace with everyone and to seek to live a clean and a holy life because those who are not holy will not see the Lord. What we see there is that holiness is an issue of the heart. In order to be holy, we need to be living in harmony and peace. You cannot do that if you are not walking in a humble heart before God and man.

Mike: One of the traps when trying to walk in holiness is when we try to do it in our own strength. I find this impossible to do because it doesn't come naturally to us. And so really, we're talking about an aspect of walking in the Spirit, right?

Jeff: Absolutely, and that means surrendering ourselves to the Lord and allowing the Holy Spirit to reign in our hearts and in our lives. It’s just yielding to what God has already provided us with through His Spirit

Mike: I know in another interview, we talked about the need to wait on God. And in that discussion, we talked about the necessity of depending on the strength of the arm of God rather than our own strength. I think one of the reasons that is so important is because if we are trying to achieve holiness in our own strength, we are going to end up becoming like a pharisee.

Jeff: Exactly, because then we will pride ourselves on how holy we are. But when you are trying to live out holiness with the idea that your inside world and your heart must be humble before God you won’t be able to avoid seeing how much pride you have and your need to humble yourself. I know in my life it drives me to the Lord and helps me see my need for Him. When I come to that place, then I can believe Him and trust Him to give me the grace to walk in His humility towards others.

Mike: We know that one of the ways God develops holiness in our lives is by humbling us and breaking us. But I want to talk about the reality of that playing out and I want to use some of the men in our Residential Program as an example. Many of these men come to us having gone through some real outwardly broken situations. Some of them have had their sin exposed to their church, lost their jobs, or their wives and children have turned away from them. I mean, just all kinds of really broken situations, but that alone does not lead one to holiness. Explain why.

Jeff: Those situations will help lead someone to brokenness and humility. We all have times where God does use a situation to humble us. But it's not enough to have a humbling experience and then think, we’re suddenly holy or humble. In the process of God trying to bring you into humility and brokenness, you need to have a revelation of the mercy God has had on you. That is where true brokenness and repentance comes. When we are humbled and broken by the consequences of our sin, we get a better sight of what Jesus has actually done for us and we gain an appreciation for the cross.
When you have experienced true brokenness like this it produces in you a desire to be a servant of Christ. Part of that comes through a humbling experience, but then it has to be continually lived out, never forgetting what God has done. Having the mindset that your life is no longer your own and wanting to serve Him from your heart all the days of your life.

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Mike: It’s almost like God uses those humbling or breaking circumstances to till the soil of our hearts so that it's open to receiving the revelation knowledge of who Jesus is. How important is it that we grow in our understanding of who Jesus is in order to live a holy life?

Jeff: It's everything, because to the degree that we have Him and we're walking with Him in the Spirit, choosing to yield to His Word and not what our flesh wants to do, we start learning the secret of what abiding in Christ is. And the more we abide in Christ, which really is a lifestyle of doing His commandments from the heart with a servant’s attitude, the more fruit starts manifesting in our lives.

Mike: And part of that fruit is coming into an understanding of agape love, what the love of Christ is. That really is the remedy for false humility, isn't it?

Jeff: Oh absolutely. If we're in that first love, where we understand God's love for us and have a true appreciation for what he's done for us, this is going to come automatically. That's the difference between the pharisee and the tax collector. A person in the same mindset as the tax collector will understand how much they have been forgiven and will joyfully surrender their life and serve Christ with their whole heart.

Mike: One comes from a superficial knowledge that leads to death, and the other comes from true humility that leads to life.

Jeff: Yeah. And one relies on self to be holy, while the other looks to Christ for their holiness.

Mike: I know that as we grow in our walk of faith, one of the traps we can fall into is comparing ourselves to others. What is the great danger of doing that, particularly in this area of holiness?

Jeff: One of the dangers I see in my own life is that when I start comparing myself with other people, I become the focus. Also, it is always easier to focus on someone that you appear better than. But Jesus is our example, and we need to be looking at Him. He is our example and the one we are to be following so the danger of looking and comparing ourselves to others is that it’ll make us the focus in place of Him.

Mike: You mentioned the importance earlier of coming to know the love of Christ and the heart of Christ. As a person begins to spend time with the Lord and as the Holy Spirit begins to reveal the heart of Jesus to them, it is going to humble them. It is going to have a humbling effect on them as they see Jesus as He really is and as they see the glory of God for what it really is. It is going to change their attitude and they are going to look at themselves and others very differently. My final question before we close this show is how important is it not to be a hearer of the Word only, but to be a doer of the Word on this issue of holiness?

Jeff: Well, the rubber meets the road when we apply the Word of God in our hearts. James tells us to not just be hearers only, because that will profit us nothing. If we want to profit in holiness, we must embrace what Jesus said in His Word about humbling ourselves, about loving others and about having the mind of Christ. We must actually do that from the heart. When we do, we find Jesus there. And it's only when we find Him and run to Him in those moments that we are clothed in His humility.

Mike: Jesus is the truly humble and holy servant.

Jeff: Yeah. There really is no other way to find true holiness, but in Him.

The images the investigator saw on that video probably still haunt him to this day. It opened with a girl tied to a chair and an unseen man speaking with her. “Please, give me my baby back,” she pleaded. “I’ll do anything you want.” “You will do anything I want, anyway,” was the cold response. The rest of the video was apparently so horrible that the detective became physically nauseous watching it. It was one of several “snuff films” made by serial killer Leonard Lake.

Now, be honest; that opening paragraph grabbed your attention! Don’t feel too badly; the same thing happened to me when I came upon this story. I was at a local bookstore when I noticed a coffee table book about serial killers. My life’s work is to help those in sexual deviancy so I always have a cautious interest in anything I might learn in this field. However, as I scanned the pages of this book, I found a morbid curiosity emerging within me and forced myself to put it down.

It was the same kind of interest that compelled me in 1981 when, as a bailiff working in the Los Angeles Criminal Courts building, I would look at the morgue photographs found in the evidence box of murder trials. Since becoming a believer, I have mostly avoided such things. And yet, apparently there is still enough interest within me to be willing to approach the peripheral edges of darkness for an occasional glimpse in.

Apparently, I am not the only person who is drawn to such things. For instance, witness the rash of television programs that revolve around crime scene investigations. These pseudo-reality shows, which follow the investigation of a person’s murder, typically show some portion of the victim’s body. People have become fascinated with all of the science that goes into solving such murder cases.

This attraction with violence and evil is not limited to TV. Look at the print media, for instance. What stories make the biggest headlines? Are they the articles about someone who spends his off-hours feeding the poor? I’m afraid you will find that one buried in the back of the Living section. You know as well as I that the more shocking the story, the more attention it will be given in the news.

The undeniable truth is that our attraction to wicked things comes from our fallen nature. And yet believers are commanded to maintain a distance from the evil in this world. In the Old Testament, we find the Lord praising Job as “a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil.” (Job 1:8) Solomon said, “The prudent sees the evil and hides himself...” (Proverbs 22:3), and “A wise man turns away from evil...” (Proverbs 14:16)

This instruction is carried on in the New Testament where Paul writes, “Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.” (Romans 12:9)  He also asked, “What fellowship has light with darkness?” (II Corinthians 6:14)

It is clear that believers have no business focusing on darkness, no matter how natural the tendency. There is something about the familiarity with evil that tends to desensitize people. I think that the more we expose ourselves to it, the less we will see it for what it really is. Not only that, let’s face it: each time we come into contact with wickedness, it leaves its nasty fingerprints upon our souls.

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This is especially important for Christian men who are trying to escape the clutches of habitual sexual sin. The enemy has used the curiosity of evil to ensnare many people into pornography and worse. Men who are already involved must “make no provision for the flesh.” It is this kind of decision that determines whether or not a man will break free from the hold of sexual sin. Paul said, “For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)

Instead of looking into evil things, I believe the Lord would have us focus our hearts upon Him. Isn’t that what Paul meant when he wrote the following? “Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:1-2) Wouldn’t it be much more edifying if we spent time doing Bible studies or listening to worship music?

I acknowledge I was wrong for picking up that book. The fact is that my flesh is still interested in the dark side of life. However, in the future, with the Lord’s help, I will refrain from sneaking peaks into the world of darkness.

My commitment is not simply because I am convicted about the wrongness what I have done, but also because I know how marvelous it is to focus my heart upon the Lord. You see, although my flesh is drawn to evil, my spirit yearns for a fresh touch from God. I have come to see that while the flesh is interested in death and mayhem, the spirit is drawn to light and life.

That is the very reason that the writings of David have outlived those that have focused upon evil. I, for one, want to live in the mindset he expressed in the following words: “One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple. When You said, ‘Seek My face,’ my heart said to You, ‘Your face, O Lord, I shall seek.’” (Psalm 27:4, 8)

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Last week we looked at how vital confession is for someone to find freedom from sexual sin. This week we look at another aspect of confession: confessing adultery to a wife. Pastor Ed and Kathy Gallagher join us to look at some practical steps and considerations when confessing sexual sin, as well as some of the struggles that come with taking this difficult, but vital step.

Resources

• Exposure: A Painful, but Necessary Step toward Freedom (Blog) by Dustin Renz

Our Heavenly Father wants to use the situations and people in our lives to cultivate a spirit of humility in us. But often, we may resist His efforts or miss what He is doing entirely. Jeff Colon joins us to talk about this process and teaches us how to measure the humility in our lives by the standard set in God’s Word.

Mike: We want to continue our discussion on humility, and what I want to focus on in today's segment is humility in our daily life. What does it look like to have the humility of Christ in us in our daily lives?

Jeff: Well, First John 4:20 tells us that if someone says they love God, but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar. If we do not love people, how can we love God whom we have not seen? I've learned in my own life that I cannot trust my assessment of myself in any capacity, unless I assess myself with the Word of God as the standard. First John 4:20 is one verse that would help anybody come to see the level of humility they are actually walking in. Are they exuding the love of God through their lives, their actions, their words or their thoughts? Are they really walking in love towards their brothers and sisters?

Mike: Well Jeff, share a little bit about how that works out practically in our daily life.

Jeff: For me, it's in my unguarded moments when the true me comes out. If I could follow someone around all day and observe them in their unguarded moments, that's where I’d see what spirit is really ruling inside of them. I would encourage anybody, just try to be a little more aware of your actions, your thoughts and how you respond in situations where you may be unguarded. How do you respond? What comes out of you?

Mike: This is exactly what we saw Jesus doing with His disciples, correct?

Jeff: Well, yeah, He was with them all the time and unbeknownst to them, they were always exposing what was going on in their hearts. One example of them exposing what was in their hearts was when they were fighting over who was the greatest. That makes me think about where Paul talks about love in First Corinthians 13. He says in there, you can have faith, you can prophesy, you can have all knowledge, but without love, it profits nothing.
Paul goes down a list there in First Corinthians 13 that I've encouraged people with, especially in counseling to take that list and examine themselves and see if they are really living out those qualities. Love is patient, love is kind, and love keeps no record of wrongs. Is this really how we live our lives on a daily basis and in our interactions towards others? The Word of God gives us in many places a way to measure how we are walking regarding love and humility in our lives.

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Mike: Yeah, it is a tremendous mirror. I think also one of the things that we try to communicate, especially to the men in our Residential Program, is that if we are ever really going to mature in our faith, we've really got to man up, look at ourselves in the mirror and come face to face with what we really see.

Jeff: Absolutely. And when you think about it, we are given many opportunities to do that in our daily lives. We experience temptations to be impatient, irritable, resentful or to speak harshly. People around us are always going to make mistakes or even sin against us, but that is going to test us and show us what is in our hearts.

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Mike: Let's take some time now to look at some of the things that we see in a man or a woman who has begun to come into an understanding of what it means to walk in the humility of Christ.

Jeff: I know one thing that has helped me is learning the secret of humility: seeing people the way Jesus sees them. A humble man looks at every child of God, even the ones who seem the weakest or the most unworthy, and honors them as they would a king's son. I have had to do that many times in my own life, because I can still be a jerk sometimes. For example, when I look at Rose, my wife, I have to realize that she is God's daughter, and she is my sister in Christ. I need to honor her with that in mind and seek to love her the way Christ loves her.

Mike: One of the things that the Lord has been doing with Pure Life Ministries staff is increase our burden to reach out for souls to enter the Kingdom of God in these days that we are in. To do that, He's been speaking to us about needing to develop humility in our own lives. Talk a little bit about why humility is so important and how that impacts our ability to reach souls for the Kingdom of God.

Jeff: This is a personal issue for me as God has been stirring my heart and He's really doing wonderful things right here in our community amongst pastors. I'm excited about what He is doing. But too often what I've seen in the Church, even amongst Christians in the mission field, where people should be experiencing the joy of working as co-laborers in the Kingdom of God, is people becoming a hindrance and a burden to one another. And it is always because there is a lack of humility that really considers self as nothing, rejoices in being the least and just wants to be a blessing. I know that when we see more of that quality, unity is going to be there, and we are going to work together to be the body that Jesus describes us as where He is the head. We are the body, and we must work together to bring about His Kingdom. But love and humility is what brings the unity that is needed to do His work.

Mike: My experience has been that because humility is so critical for the love of God to be able to flow through me, the difficult situations that the Lord allows into my life, and even the difficult people, are things that God is allowing in my life to develop humility in me. He wants humility to develop in me so that He can have His way in me and through me.

Jeff: Absolutely. And I would encourage anyone listening to go through your daily lives without shying away from difficult people. Embrace them and let God teach you how to go under, bear others and how to not avoid situations that will require you to enter into the same humility that Jesus did. Jesus never shied away from anyone, no matter how much of a difficult person they may have been. He was drawn to them. If you want to learn how to walk in the spirit of humility more in your daily life, embrace those moments. Don't run from them.

Mike: And we know it is not easy. Learning to walk in humility is a difficult thing, because it cuts so much against the grain of our selfishness and our flesh nature. But we can have hope in the process, because we know that our Father is good. He has a good heart, and He only desires good for us. The one who is developing humility in us is the humblest One of all.

Jeff: And what we do not realize is that we lose our joy when we refuse to humble ourselves. It is actually more of a misery not to walk in humility. When we are in humility and we are walking in love, we are one with Christ and that's where our true joy is found.