There are at least 54 specific references to repentance in the New Testament, in addition to the 16 in the Old Testament. John the Baptist came preaching repentance, and offered a baptism that symbolized repentance. (Mark 1:4; Acts 13:24) Jesus also came preaching repentance (Mark 1:15), and repentance was the theme of the preaching in the early Church (Acts 2:38; 5:31). It would stand to reason then, that repentance should be a regular practice in the life of every Christian. And yet, it seems that repentance is seldom preached in the Church any more, and that many Christians have only a vague idea what repentance is all about.

What Repentance Isn’t

First, let me tell you what repentance is not. It is not just feeling sorry for your sin. That is certainly part of it, but it is so much more than that. The Bible talks about the importance of having a contrite heart (Psalm 51:17; Isaiah 57:15), but repentance is more than feeling sorrow. Paul describes the difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. (2 Corinthians 7:10) Worldly sorrow is selfish and self-centered. Worldly sorrow is sorrow that you got caught, sorrow that your sin has cost you something, sorrow that you have to pay the consequences. Worldly sorrow, Paul said, leads only to death. Godly sorrow, on the other hand, is not selfish at all. It is sorrow that your sin has offended God. It is sorrow that your sin has hurt others. It is sorrow that causes you to hate the sin itself, and to desire with all your heart to turn from it and be cleansed of it. Godly sorrow, Paul said, produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation.

What Repentance Is

Now, let’s define what repentance is. Repentance is a gift from God that changes your heart, allowing you to turn from your sin and turn back to God. That repentance is a gift from God is evident from Acts 5:31, when Peter said, “God exalted [Jesus] at His right hand as Leader and Savior, to give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins. The word used here means “to give” and “to give freely as a gift.” We are also told in Acts 11:18, "When they heard these things they … glorified God, saying, 'Then to the Gentiles also God has granted repentance that leads to life.'” So twice in the book of Acts we are told that repentance is a gift given by God.

The immediate implication of this is clear. If repentance is a gift given by God, then it is something we can ask for. God is not stingy, and wants us to have all the gifts that He has for us. Surely repentance is a gift He wants us to have. We can be encouraged to pray and ask God to “grant [us] repentance that leads to life.”

Next, let’s look at the word itself. There are two words in the Bible that are translated as repentance, the Hebrew word from the Old Testament and the Greek word from the New. The Hebrew word is shuv (pronounced shoove), and it means to turn, to turn around, and to return. It is a great picture: Your life is headed in a certain direction (away from God); you stop, turn around, and head back in the opposite direction (towards God). So the action-oriented Hebrew saw repentance as a complete reversal of life.

The Greek word for repentance is metanoia, and literally means “to change the mind.” This is a picture of a person who thinks one way, and so lives according to that way of thinking; then he changes his mind, with the direct result that his whole life changes as well. Repentance is more than a slight shift in attitude. It is radical life change.

Jesus gave us a picture of repentance in His parable of the prodigal son. The younger son had a selfish and sinful attitude toward his father, his family and his future. He left his father and went off to waste his inheritance in riotous living. Then, when hard times came, he ended up, as all sinners do, isolated, impoverished and unsatisfied. Jesus tells us that at last the young man “came to himself.” He had a change of heart. He realized the sad state of his life, that he had sinned against God and his father. So he resolved to return home to his father. And then he actually did it. He returned, confessing his sin, humbled, and willing to serve.

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What Repentance Looks Like

It should be clear by now that repentance issues in radical life change. There is always a difference that you and others can see. John the Baptist was heard to demand, “bear fruit in keeping with repentance!” (Matthew 3:8) He was saying, “Demonstrate by your new behavior that you have truly changed your heart and your life.” The point is that one can pray and ask to be forgiven for their sins, but before long be right back asking for forgiveness for those same sins all over again. There has been no change. There has not been a rejection and a forsaking of the sin; there is no hatred of the sin that causes one to repudiate it. There is no awareness of what that sin does to God, nor of the price Jesus paid for its forgiveness. Neither is there any awareness of what the continuation of that sin is doing to the heart, conscience and life of the sinner, nor the impact of that sin upon others. Real repentance is a thorough work of rooting sin out, and not a shallow, haphazard and half-hearted attempt to gain absolution so that one can simply repeat the same cycle all over again. Repentance bears fruit. It brings a change that can be seen.

How to Repent

There is no clear “formula” for repentance described in Scripture, but we do see pictures of it throughout the Bible. Repentance is clearly demonstrated in David’s life in Psalm 51. We can begin by asking God to give us the gift of repentance. Go before Him in prayer and seek His mind about the nature of your sin. Ask Him to show you the depth of it, and how you sin hurts His heart. (Psalm 51:3) Allow Him to take you to the Cross, and see the price He was willing to pay in the blood of His Son to purchase your forgiveness, so that you no longer take that for granted. Don’t rush through this. Allow the repentance to be deep and thorough.

Realize that all sin is first against Him. You may indeed have sinned against others, but all sin is against the holiness of God. When David was confronted by the prophet concerning his sin, he exclaimed, “I have sinned against the Lord!” (2 Samuel 12:13) and in his hymn of contrition he sang “Against You, You only have I sinned!” (Psalm 51:4) Confess the actual sin(s) to the Lord. Be specific as you name them. The word “confess” means to “say together” and, therefore, “to agree,” so you are agreeing with God that your attitudes and actions are sinful. You are confessing that He is right in His estimation of your sin and that you have been wrong. (Psalm 51:4b) Ask God to fill you with a hatred and a revulsion for the sin you now cherish. (Job 42:5-6) All of this can be done before God in prayer.

Now you have to bear the fruit. You have changed your mind (Psalm 51:6, 10) and now you have to change your behavior. In many ways, real heart change will naturally issue in changed behavior. However, when you are tempted to act in the same sinful ways again - and you will be tempted - you must resist the temptation and forsake the sin. (2 Chronicles 7:14) God has promised that for every temptation, there will always be provided a way of escape. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Real repentance always leads to obedience. Forsake your pride, and in utter humility, surrender to God and to the doing of His will. (James 4:7-10; 1 Peter 5:6) Finally, thank God for His forgiveness, and for the strength not to sin against Him again. (Psalm 51:12)

One final word. Repentance is often seen as part of that act of surrender in faith when a sinner first comes to Christ for salvation – and it is. There can be no forgiveness without confession and repentance from sin. But this is much more than a one-time event. It is an ongoing process that becomes a vital part of every sincere and maturing Christian’s life. Repentance is part of sanctification, of God continually conforming us to the image of His Son. (Romans 8:29) As often as the Holy Spirit convicts us and reveals the presence of any sin in our lives, we are to respond in repentance. Remember, God gave us repentance to lead us to life. (Acts 11:18)

Dennis came to the Pure Life Residential Program because his life was full of sin. But over his nine-month stay, God changed him completely. Listen as he shares how God transformed him from a man of anger and ingratitude to one full of praise, who lives to help meet the needs of others. (From Podcast Episode #453 - |Victory| 95% of Mercy is Prayer)

Dennis: In the Bible names have special meanings. My name has a special meaning. If you spell it backwards, it is spells “sinned.” A good description of my life before PLM could be summed up in the words, “Dennis sinned.” Just as Jesus wept over the physical death of His friend, Lazarus, Jesus wept over my choice of death instead of life. He wept for every person I hurt and He wept for every person who shed tears while praying for my salvation. I caused a lot of people to cry. My sexual sins were only a part of how I hurt others. I hurt people by making fun of them. I hurt people by acting morally superior to them. I hurt people by seeking glory for myself, rather than seeking to glorify God through my life. Yes, it was my sexual sin that brought me to PLM, but the deeper sins of rebellion, selfishness, and worshiping myself instead of God were His greatest concerns when I came to the PLM Residential Program.
God began to break me down when I came here. He began to show me what it meant to weep, as others had, over my sin. He used some painful revelations to reveal my true heart. One revelation I had was that when God said to acknowledge Him in all my ways, He wasn't just talking about running my future plans and decisions past Him. He was also talking about admitting to my sin and getting it out in the open so that He could deal with it.
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A second revelation was given to me during the first campus-wide talk fast. I had a horrible day and desperately wanted someone to help me wallow in self-pity, but upon returning from work I saw that a talk fast had been posted. I had no one to listen to my terrible woes. After suffering for a couple of hours, a quiet voice spoke into my head and heart, “Now you know how your wife feels.” How many times had I come home, after talking to my coworkers all day, and my wife Naomi would want to talk to me. I would tell her that I was too tired and that I needed to relax and recover from my hard day at work. I was treating her as if raising three girls took no effort at all. God showed me my lack of mercy and Naomi's unending mercy.
While everyone in the church thought I was the gifted, spiritually mature Christian; it was my wife who was the faithful one. She was the one who displayed the true servant’s heart and always put the needs of others before her own.  As I continued through the Residential Program, I came to realize that I didn't love people. I didn't know how to pray mercifully for them, and I didn't know how to persevere in prayer. Through my clashes with other students, God taught me that praying mercifully for others was more about changing my heart than changing theirs. At work, He showed me I didn't have to defend myself or make excuses for my mistakes. I only needed to take responsibility for my part and let Him defend me if I was being treated unfairly.
My name is no longer, “Dennis sinned,” in God’s eyes. He now sees me as, “Dennis surrendered.” He can finally allow His mercy to flow steadily into my life and out of my life to others. I no longer want glory for myself, but instead agree with the words of the hymn that says, “To God be the glory, great things He has done.” Thank you, Jesus. You are my first love.

Pastor Steve preached a sermon to the men in our residential program in 2019 titled "Consider Jesus". In it, he challenged them to consider all that Jesus has done, and the radiance of His glory and how great a salvation He has bestowed upon us. In this episode, we play that sermon. We hope that it richly blesses you and points you to the tremendous hope you have in Jesus Christ.

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Resources

• The Life of Christ (Teaching Series) by Steve Gallagher
• You can also listen to The Life of Christ series as well as other sermons and our weekly podcast on our Pure Life Ministries smart phone app. Downloadable on the App Store and the Google Play Store.

In this interview with Pastor Steve Gallagher, we look at what marks the life of a worldly Christian and what distinguishes a life truly consecrated and full of the Holy Spirit. (from Podcast Episode #451 - |Victory| A Life and a Soul Surrendered)

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Nate: So Pastor Steve, throughout our Victory series, we explained that victory comes when we do God's will, which is mercy. We need to allow His love to dwell in our hearts and then go out toward other people. To do this requires that a man be willing to consecrate his will to the will of God. Can you explain a little bit about what it means to consecrate your life to God?

Pastor Steve: It boils down to exchanging my will for God's will. In the simplest terms, that's what it means. In daily life it’s hard for me to come up with examples. But I think you have to examine what fills up your time, whether it’s watching tv or golfing every weekend. You have to take those things to the Lord and ask Him if He is okay with those things being a part of your life. You have to earnestly take it to him. It can't just be a flippant, cheap, quick prayer. It needs to be something that is ongoing. When you do that, He will lead you.
He will do it usually through a feeling or a sense about a certain thing. He will either make you not feel right about it anymore, or He will give you a green light and you will be able to go out and really enjoy yourself and know that you're pleasing God in the midst of it. It works itself out that way. But beyond any of that, it really comes down to a consecration of your will. You need to get down before God in a very determined, intentional way, and you say “God, from now on, I am going to obey your will.” You need to tell Him you are going to seek out His will for everything in your life and determine to obey it and not just live your life the way you want.

Nate: One of the things that you said in one of the books you wrote is, “Until we come to the place of consecration where we abandon our wills and rights to God, we'll never really know what it means to be full of the Spirit.” Why did you say that?

Pastor Steve: You can't be full of the Spirit and be the king of your own life, it doesn't work that way. I'm going to beat up on some Pentecostals out there for a minute, although I am one. There are millions of Pentecostals out there who speak in tongues and think they're full of the Spirit. Yet Monday through Saturday they are totally in self-will. Those kinds of people are in delusion and are not full of the Spirit just because they speak in tongues.
They are full of the Spirit when God is living out the life of Christ through their lives and when the fruit of the Spirit is being exhibited and manifested in their daily life. That's what it means to be full of the Spirit. You can go out and do a few nice things for people, but that's not the same as Jesus Christ living His life of love and mercy towards others through you. When you feel Him doing that through you, it is such a tremendous thing.

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Nate: So, let's talk about somebody who has truly repented of sexual sin. They really have told themselves inside “I am wrong, I know how I’ve been living is wrong. I believe I have experienced true brokenness.” Now they want to consecrate their life to God and to live out His love towards others. You already touched on this a little bit, but could you expound on that?

Pastor Steve: As far as I have seen, the majority of American Christians think of the Christian life in these terms: “I got saved, now I go to church, and one day I’m going to go to Heaven. They believe that it is as simple as that. But when you look at what the Word of God says, it sounds a little different. For instance, Christians love Ephesians 2:8-9,
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
You hear that over and over in sermons, books, and on radio shows. Those are the kinds of scriptures they focus on. That may be one of the most quoted verses in Scripture, but it goes on in the following verses to say,
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.
You're not saved just so you can feel like you have the assurance of going to Heaven one day. I'm not even sure if someone who thinks that way is saved at all. God is saving you by bringing you into a new life. It's a life that involves walking away from self-will, from sin, and it's a life that involves walking into a place where God is going to use you. Paul is saying that you were created as a new creature in Christ for a specific purpose.
It reminds me of Romans 10:9, where there is another verse that we hear all the time,
If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
You hear that all the time, but usually when this passage is quoted you don't hear what verse ten says,  
For with the heart, a person believes, resulting in righteousness.
You do not have one without the other. You do not receive justification without sanctification, and you do not receive salvation without a life of good works that follow.
I believe very strongly that every single true believer has a specific call on his or her life. An  area of mercy and need that God wants them to focus on. The Lord will open doors up if you will seek Him with all your heart to find out exactly what His will is. He's got a plan and it's not the cheap kind of cliche you hear from people who say “God's got a plan for your life.” He does have a plan for your life, but it entails a life of sacrifice and giving yourself away to fulfill the needs of others.

Nate: Yea, I think that really tests our consecration and our devotion. How many people want to get rid of sexual sin just because it's like this horrible scourge in their life. They want to be rid of all the consequences, the pain and the misery that follow sexual sin. When people have that kind of attitude, it doesn’t evoke a great response. On the other hand, there are some people reading who really want to surrender to Christ but are scared to say the words. They are either afraid of what surrender will really look like, or they're aware of their own weaknesses. They may have thoughts like, “Look at my track record. Look at how many promises I've made to God and not kept.” So, if a person is asking themselves, how can I know that I will really live this decision out? What would you say to them?

Pastor Steve: I would say that it is very common, typical and even normal for someone who has been addicted to sin to question whether anything is going to be different in their life when they try to change. There must be some kind of a breakthrough spiritually inside the person or they will not have any evidence they can point to where God began to change them. But if there has been a breakthrough, then they have every reason to believe because Scripture shows that when that happens things are going to be very different. When God is living inside of you that is a whole new ball game. It’s no longer just trying to white knuckle through temptations. Now you've got the Holy Spirit living in you who's going to help you say no. It’s a process of growing into freedom and a victorious life. You have your failures for awhile, but then you come into a full life in the Lord.
As far as the fear of surrender to the Lord, what is there to be afraid of? Afraid of a life of joy instead of the misery of a self-focused life? Afraid of a life of freedom instead of bondage? Afraid of a life of peace instead of the constant anxiety associated with self-will? Afraid of a life of fulfillment instead of meaninglessness? Afraid of people's gratitude? Afraid of hearing one day, well done my good and faithful servant? What is there to be afraid of?
I've lived a life of real consecration since about 1985, so I've got a few years under my belt and I can tell you, I have never regretted throwing myself in complete abandonment into God's hands and saying, “Lord do with me what you will.” Still, I’ve had times of suffering. I had a lot of opposition when raising this ministry up and even persecution in some ways. But how do I compare that to the life I would have had? There is no comparison. I've had a fulfilling, meaningful tremendous life and not because of Pure Life. It’s come through what I've developed between me and the Lord. All I can say is there is nothing to be afraid of. If you're experiencing fear inside, it's the enemy who's planting those thoughts and creating negative scenarios in your mind. That does not come from the Lord.  My advice is to throw yourself into God's hands and watch what He will do.

Nate: Amen. I get a lot of comfort from looking at the disciples, because they really did try to follow Him even though they had obvious failures in their walk with God. Jesus still said to them, “Fear not little flock, it's my Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom.” And then He gave them the Holy Spirit to empower them to live that life. We're not on our own in this surrender.

Pastor Steve: And that's when the change happened at Pentecost.  Before the Holy Spirit came, they were always questioning everything, arguing, or trying to be first and just doing everything wrong. After Pentecost, everything changed and it's the same for us.

How is it possible that something so wicked as pornography has become so commonplace within the Church?

Television. Internet. Social media. Video games. Pornography. They have all become mainstays of our culture and have had a dramatic impact on the spiritual condition of the American Church. They also represent a lifestyle that is becoming increasingly self-focused, self-indulgent and self-deceived.

Jeremy Bentham (1748-1832) is considered by many to be the father of modern hedonism. Bentham promoted the philosophy that pleasure is the highest good and ultimate purpose of life—and the converse, that pain should be avoided at all cost. Interestingly, he was also a strong advocate for animal rights, the freedom of expression, the right to divorce, the abolition of punishment (including that of children) and the decriminalization of homosexuality. In short, much of the liberal agenda of our day can be traced back to his hedonistic philosophy of living to please oneself.

For the most part, the Evangelical Church has withstood the pressure to adopt his secondary pet philosophies. If we’re honest with ourselves, however, we would admit that when it comes to the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of suffering, there’s not much difference between believers and unbelievers. The typical evangelical will avoid blatant sins that would identify him with the unsaved, such as drinking and drugging, but the lust for the things of the world thrives within his heart just as heartily.

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Bentham’s hedonistic way of life has become more prevalent with each new generation. For instance, the subject of conversation in a youth group today is more likely to revolve around “The Game of Thrones” or the Kardashians than any meaningful discussion of the things of God. And it is far more likely that selfies and Facebook postings will be shared than Bible verses.

How is all of this possible? It happens because it is effortless to indulge one’s natural desires. This can be seen in three facets of the human psyche.

1. Lust

The love of pleasure is not a new concept. First Century Epicureans advocated Bentham’s philosophy long before he arrived on the scene.

The Christian leaders of that time saw the hedonism of the Greek culture as a great threat to the Body of Christ. Nearly every book of the New Testament contains warnings about indulging the “lusts of the flesh.” The Greek term they employed (epithumia) often refers to sexual desires, but it can actually be used to describe one’s craving for any form of pleasure forbidden by the Lord. This craving, which emerges from one’s fallen nature, provides the energy that drives a person to go after his sin of choice.

Modern believers now face a level of temptation First Century Christians could never have imagined. The prosperity we enjoy and the technological advances of our age have put nearly any desire within reach.

Such a flesh-pleasing lifestyle can quickly get out of hand, because the more a man attempts to satisfy the passion for sin, the less satisfied he becomes. In fact, the more that man pursues sin, the more inflamed his inward lust will become.

This always-demanding-never-satisfied characteristic of lust can drive a person into a state of near insanity. As millions have discovered, the ever-driving lust for pleasure cannot be placated.

2. “Self”

A hedonistic mindset can end up in only one place: a person who sees himself as the center of his universe. In his desire to escape hell (a motive not unlike the avoidance of other forms of suffering), such a person might be willing to incorporate a few particular biblical commandments into his life, but his heart remains unchanged and unconquered. As long as “Self” remains enthroned within, he will continue to live as a committed hedonist.

This way of living can quickly hollow out a person from the more meaningful things of life. The more he goes to the empty cisterns of this world to seek pleasure, the emptier he becomes.

Solomon is an example of someone who forfeited his walk with God for the pursuit of pleasure. At the end of his life, he would write, “I thought to myself, ‘Come now, I will try self-indulgent pleasure to see if it is worthwhile.’ But I found that it also is futile. I said of partying, ‘It is folly,’ and of self-indulgent pleasure, ‘It accomplishes nothing!’” (Ecclesiastes 2:1-2 NET)

I understand pleasure’s emptiness from personal experience. I spent many of my first thirty years of life driven by lust and living for Self. My sole purpose in life was to have everything I wanted and to gratify my insatiable lust for pleasure.

In the same way that such a lust-driven life is constantly being impelled with an ever greater force to find satisfaction, it also makes the person increasingly selfish. I can remember all too well how I demanded that everything go my way in life. I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it—and if anyone stood in my way—I became irritated or even angry.

But the more I got what I desired and the more things went the way I wanted them to go, the more miserable I became. The more I gave the beast of Self what it demanded, the greater it became within me.

This is where hedonism takes people. Since they see themselves as the center of everything, the things and experiences they desire move beyond the realm of desire into that of necessity. Once a person becomes addicted to pleasure, it is increasingly difficult—especially in our culture—to find contentment in the things of God.

3. Feelings

At the heart of hedonism is the life of sense: “If it feels good, it must be right!” For the hedonistic Christian, one’s feelings determine everything. If he feels like obeying God, he obeys Him. If he doesn’t feel like it, he doesn’t do it. Obedience then becomes a matter of subjective convenience and choice—all revolving around how he feels at the moment.

One modern writer expressed the inward conviction of the typical hedonist this way: “My feelings determine my choices. I accept only what makes me feel good, happy, comfortable, excited, and so on. I reject what disturbs or troubles me, or is too demanding or difficult, or threatens my personal pleasure. I also reject whatever has ceased to thrill me. I reject what is boring.”(1) No wonder heartfelt submission to God is so rarely seen in our churches!

And herein lies the primary reason why Christian men have no strength to withstand sexual temptation. Since their feelings are given preeminent place in their lives, they find that they do not have the spiritual wherewithal to withstand temptations when they appear.

One of the first things we teach the men who come to the nine-month Pure Life Ministries Residential Program is that they must escape this feelings-driven way of life. Until they make a resolute decision that obedience to God and submission to His will are going to establish the course of their lives, they will never get free of an addiction to sexual pleasure.

We also dispel the assumption they arrive with that after they complete the program they will simply return to the same lifestyle they had before coming—only without the sexual sin and its consequences, of course. However, it doesn’t take them long to understand that the hedonistic lifestyle they led before arriving on our campus is what allowed their addiction to flourish in the first place. That lifestyle must change before the power of the addiction can be broken.

Addressing the Issues

My wife was recently asked by a denominational magazine to submit an article about what the wives of sexual addicts experience. I appreciated the fact that they were devoting an entire issue of their publication to the issue of pornography in the Church. The denomination president even wrote a moving piece about how spiritually devastated he had been as an adolescent when he first encountered pornography.

I was anxious to see what kind of answers their articles would offer to those addicted to pornography. I was disheartened—but certainly not surprised—to find that the only answers they had to offer were accountability and an internet filter. These have become the stock answers the Church offers to hopeless souls.

These are certainly helpful tools as one battles his way out of addiction, but they do not address the underlying problem. Where is the heartfelt call to true, life-changing repentance? When will we hear the kind of earnest appeals to holy living that stir the soul to live a more noble life? Why can’t Christian leaders understand that the power to break the hold of sin only comes from true intimacy with God—the kind of nearness to the Lord that comes from a vibrant devotional life and a consecrated life?

I fear that pornography usage will not only continue but become increasingly more accepted in the Evangelical Church. As long as Christians remain committed to the great god Pleasure, its various forms will be welcomed and the demands of self-denial made by Jesus will be rejected.

I fear we have passed the point of no return. We’re addicted to pleasure and happy to have it so.

(1) www.godswordforyou.com

In this episode, we play an interview conducted by the Clarity Podcast featuring Pure Life’s Pastor Ed Buch and our Director of Intake, Ken Larkin. The Clarity Podcast is geared towards missionaries. So the host wanted us to weigh in on some of the issues overseas Christian workers face regarding sexual temptation. Ed and Ken tackle these issues from a biblical perspective, centering their answers in the Word of God and how we’ve seen it impact men in our programs for over 35 years.

Resources

• For any ministry worker struggling with temptation, we would encourage you to check out our Residential Program. For those of you who are unable to come to our Residential Program, we would encourage you to check out our Overcomers at Home Program.

• A Biblical Guide to Counseling the Sexual Addict (Book) by Steve Gallagher

Baseball experts have developed technology that allows them to determine the speed a ball is thrown by a pitcher, describe the trajectory of the ball, and pinpoint the exact location the ball crosses the plate. A committed hitter will often prepare to face an opposing pitcher by using this technology in an attempt to ascertain whether or not he has developed any identifiable patterns in his choices of pitches (i.e. fastball up and in, high curve, slider down and away, etc.). Pitchers are humans and as such, their decision-making tends to fall into certain grooves that can sometimes be predicted.

In like manner, the choices and decisions people make about everyday life are also identifiable and often predictable. Life is full of options. Everyday choices must be made. Most of these would not be considered weighty or consequential (i.e. “Should I get a haircut today or tomorrow?”), but many affect a person’s life. Poor choices can complicate and quickly worsen a person’s situation. A series of bad decisions can bury him in a hole that isn’t easy to escape. Indeed, prisons and graveyards are full of people who have made unfortunate mistakes that have cost them dearly. “A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is arrogant and careless,” says Proverbs 14:16.

A person is considered foolish when he doesn’t think through the implications and consequences of his actions. His only concern is the immediate dividends to be gained and his decision-making will usually involve questions such as these: “Will this bring me pleasure now?” “Will it help me avoid discomfort today?” “How will it affect me at this moment?”  It is as Solomon said, “The mind of fools is in the house of pleasure.” (Ecclesiastes 7:4)

On the other hand, a wise person is continually thinking ahead.  His mental processes take a completely different line of thought: “How will this choice affect my life a month from now?” “What will I think of this decision in a year’s time?” “How will it contribute to the shaping of my eternity?” Every choice he faces must pass through the filter of these queries.  It isn’t that a wise person cannot take pleasure in the things of life. If the particular activity he is considering will not adversely affect him, he knows he is free to enjoy it. But if it is going to have adverse consequences, it is quickly dismissed.

How to Change Your Decision-Making

People who habitually give over to masturbation, pornography, and illicit sex are routinely making poor choices.  Indeed, the very habits that are ruling their lives are nothing more than the outcome of making consistent mistakes. They have allowed the love of immediate pleasure to carry more weight in their lives than the peace and joy that accompanies godliness. However, God has graciously provided the means for a person to turn his life around. The following are a few pointers about changing one’s decision-making.

1. Identify Patterns
   First, like the committed hitter mentioned above, this person should study past decisions and look for patterns. He should ask himself tough questions: “Why did I do that?” “What were my thoughts leading up to that decision?” “What would have been the wiser thing to do?” “How can I prepare myself to choose to do the right thing when faced with this in the future?” Acknowledging and coming to grips with past errors will help him to be prepared to make wise decisions in the days ahead.
2. Repent
   Once he has identified past mistakes, he should repent of each of them to the Lord and to anyone else who was adversely affected by them. This clears the slate and, in a certain respect, helps him to spiritually disentangle himself from those past sins.
3. Find Counsel
   He should also seek out wise people and subject himself to their counsel. Solomon rightly said, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” (Proverbs 12:15) People who have shown a propensity for making bad decisions can learn much by humbling themselves to godly saints. He should be careful to heed their advice, remembering that his best thinking has gotten him into his current condition.
4. Seek Wisdom
   He should also make a commitment to study and cherish wisdom. Rather than continuing on the path of making impulsive choices based on a temporal mindset, he must learn the value of thinking things through. A thorough study of wisdom vs. foolishness in Scripture would be very valuable as well.

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As the individual incorporate these principles into his daily life, things will begin to turn around for him. Good decisions not only bring positive consequences, but they also help develop the habit pattern of making wise choices in the future. Wisdom begets more wisdom and, as can be seen by the passage of Scripture below, it also brings with it a life of spiritual prosperity and emotional soundness. I recommend that the reader take some time to ponder and meditate upon the following words:

“How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. For its profit is better than the profit of silver, and its gain than fine gold. She is more precious than jewels; and nothing you desire compares with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are all who hold her fast.” (Proverbs 3:13-18)

A life overflowing in sincere worship greatly pleases God. But it’s also clear in Scripture that the Lord is displeased by the worship of those whose lives contradict their profession of love to Him. Today we look at the difference between true and vain worship and the implications of each upon our lives. We’ll find that a life overflowing with worship is really the normal Christian life and it is one that has abundant peace and joy in Christ.

Married men in sexual sin often say that they love their wives. But their actions tell a different story. Viewing pornography, committing adultery, and engaging in other forms of illicit sexual behavior reveal a lack of love in their hearts. After years of this hypocrisy, putting the words, “I love you,” into action will be difficult. But husbands can learn how to love their wives by letting Scripture teach them God’s way of love. Our heavenly Father’s willingness to give up His precious Son demonstrates that love. Christ’s becoming a man and willingly sacrificing His life for us reveals it too. It’s a standard every husband must strive for. Love that gives all and holds nothing back.    

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One of the most joyous days of Scott and Erin’s marriage ended with a devastating revelation. It would lead to months of seeking godly counsel and taking steps to get help for Scott. But after over a year of continued pain and betrayal, Erin knew something else was needed. But she could never have imagined how powerfully the Lord would meet them both when Scott entered the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program. Through those grueling 9 months, God would bring about forgiveness and restoration in their relationship with Him and with each other.

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In this interview, Jeff Colon, talks to us about how to deal with the difficulties of counseling young people, specifically those who have been abused. He gives us insight on how to help them in a way that is founded in biblical truth, and not in man’s wisdom.

Mike: Today, we want to talk about an issue that I know is difficult for some people to hear about but is an increasing problem. We are going to be talking about how one can help children who have been molested. How much of a problem is child molestation today?

Jeff: I can tell you countless heartbreaking stories about the devastation that sin causes. But when we're talking about a child that has been molested, we're talking about devastation that really goes deep and takes its toll on a child. A counselor really has to be in touch with the Lord to help this child deal with the traumatic consequences of such a sin.

Mike: Well, I have to imagine that not only do the issues go deep, but these issues they're dealing with can go on for years. As a counselor, how do you begin to deal with those kinds of issues?

Jeff: If a counselor comes across a situation where a child is being abused, the first thing they should do is find a way to stop the abuse. Research studies have shown that 60% of children that are abused experience repeated abuse. It's very important to take quick action so that the abuse ceases and that it does not happen again.

Mike: As counselors we of course recognize that there are legal requirements. If you become aware of molestation, it must be reported to the authorities. What are some of the physical ramifications of abuse that you might have to deal with as a counselor?

Jeff: If there is a suspicion, or it has come out that there definitely has been molestation, the child should be brought in for a physical examination, because sometimes things occur. I've come across instances where a mother has told us of a child that is experiencing bleeding, and in that case it's very important to go to a doctor, because you never know what kind of damage might have been done. It's also important that the child receives proper medical treatment if they have experienced any sort of bodily harm.

Mike: As you bring up the subject of them needing to receive a physical examination, I'm just thinking about all the different things the abused child must go through. The legal ramifications, the family relationships, and all the other things that this child is going to have to go through in the beginning of this process unfolding. What's your responsibility as a counselor and how can you help them get through that?

Jeff: In many cases, the courts are involved, and a child immediately faces many kinds of emotions and feelings. Sometimes feelings of guilt, because the abuser is a father or relative and they know that person is in trouble. They also may struggle with this as they're all of a sudden attending court proceedings. This may make the child feel as if they have done something wrong. If the perpetrator is sent to jail, the child needs comfort and reassurance of their safety.
Sometimes they're dealing with fear that this person is going to get out of jail and is going to be able to hurt them again. You want to be honest with them that there is a possibility of this person getting out at some point, but also assure the child that they will be protected. You want to help them deal with all the different kinds of things that they're going to be facing throughout the process, because there are going to be a lot of things that they do not understand because of their age.

Mike: I'm assuming there will be some kind of ongoing counseling as well. What are some of the things that you want to accomplish as you continue this process with a child?

Jeff: Well, initially the counselor must realize that this child has been damaged emotionally and they do not trust adults. You must establish trust with this child if you're going to be able to help them. That’s something you're going to have to work for diligently. It's good to demonstrate love to that child, but if you want to give them a hug or something, it's best to ask them permission first. You don't want to quickly invade their space that they're probably protecting, but you do want to let them know that you love them and begin to build their trust immediately.

Mike: As children are growing up, one of the things that they're learning is respect for authority. I'm assuming that for these children, all respect for authority has been demolished. How do you balance things for children who are learning to reestablish trust for authority while continuing the process of them learning respect for authority?

Jeff: A wise counselor will have a balance of love and authority. In any kind of counseling situation, the counselor must be in control of the counseling session. If that counselor allows the child to control things, they're never going to be able to help them. It's a fine balance, but the child does need to understand that they do have an authority that they need to submit to. If you're showing them love and you're gaining trust I think establishing authority isn't going to be a problem, but it is something that the counselor needs to consider.

Mike: Why is it so important for this child to establish a respect for authority?

Jeff: We want to help this child deal with this situation the way God would want them to deal with it. We want to help them deal with it biblically. If you establish an authority and there's an understanding that they're going to have to do things God's way, then you're going to be able to help them with the different issues that they're dealing with. For instance, fear is probably one of the most common things that these children are dealing with. They are either dealing with the idea that someone is going to harm them again, and they can even get obsessed with the idea that this is going to happen again. Or they have continuous suspicions that people are thinking about them, which causes them to become obsessed with themselves and as a result they live in constant fear. We want to help them see that preoccupation with themselves is not pleasing to God.

Mike: As you're saying that, I'm seeing a huge difference between approaching a situation like this from a psycho-therapeutic perspective as opposed to a biblical counseling perspective.

Jeff: Yeah, absolutely. I would say a psycho-therapeutic way of dealing with this kind of issue would be to focus on their emotions and to make it all about them, whereas we want to get them out of themselves. We want them to get their eyes on their source of hope, which is God. We want them to look at things through His perspective.

Mike: That must throw a whole different perspective on the anger that these children must be experiencing very often.

Jeff: Exactly, some counselors might tell them it's good to be angry and might even encourage them to vent their anger. A biblical view would teach them that anger is not pleasing to God. It's not right to return evil for evil. Forgiveness is the way to freedom. It's very important that a counselor teaches a child to handle their feelings in a biblical way.

Mike: What about feelings of guilt?

Jeff: Well, there are two kinds of guilt, false and true guilt. We want to make sure that we have the wherewithal and the spiritual discernment to determine whether or not a child is experiencing false guilt. Are they feeling as though they did something wrong and that it was their fault that this happened? That's an obvious example of false guilt and we want to help them understand that they were not the cause of the problem.
True guilt may be where God is convicting them of their anger. Maybe they are angry at their mother because she didn't protect them. Maybe they are even angry at God for allowing this to happen to them. That would be an example of true guilt, which is called conviction. We should then help them alleviate that guilt by teaching them to do the right and biblical thing, which in this instance would be forgiving their mom and realizing that it was not her fault.

Mike: You know, Jeff, we never know who may be listening and reading to these interviews and there may very well be a young person out there that has been molested or there may be an adult out there who has never really dealt with past molestation. What word of hope or what word of encouragement might you have for those folks?

Jeff: What I would say to them that God hasn't turned His eyes away from them. He saw what happened to them and it grieved His heart. We live in a fallen world and bad things happen, but we serve a God that knows how to bring His purpose out of situations where we can only see horrible things. I've even heard my wife say, who went through her own issues because of my sexual sin towards her, that if she hadn't gone through what she went through, she couldn’t help hurting wives the way she does now.
I would just say to anyone out there that God has a purpose; God has a plan. He knows how to bring good out of every circumstance. If you'll trust Him and look to Him for the answers, He knows how to heal your heart. He knows how to comfort you. But He will also teach you how to bring comfort to others. I'm sure there are many people out there that need to know there is a God of comfort. There is a God that can heal any hurt that we have experienced. I just want to encourage you, if you're out there and you're listening, God sees you. He knows you. He has a way out for you. He can bring good out of your situation.

Many Americans are focused on themselves rather than others. It's this culture of self-centeredness that has created a lot of chaos in many marriages. Men go into marriage looking at it as a way to meet their needs. But if instead a husband seeks to know Christ, and makes this the central focus of his life and his marriage, the Lord will set him and his wife on the Narrow Way which leads to a unity with God's will and with each other.

Resources

• From Ashes to Beauty (Book) by Jeff Colon

• Choosing the Way of Blessing for Your Marriage (Blog) by Jeff and Rose Colon