In this new Ask the Counselor episode, we continue looking at sins which are closely tied to sexual addiction. Today we’ll look at self-pity, covetousness, self-righteousness and living by our feelings. While on the surface these issues may seem unrelated, they are still sins that must be dealt with if a person is ever to experience genuine freedom over their sexual addiction.

Jordan Yoshimine exposes one of the myths that many Christians believe, that you can have be a genuine Christian and still have your own life in this world.

Jordan Yoshimine is Assistant Director of Counseling at the Residential Program here at Pure Life Ministries, and part of the senior leadership team. We're teaching in this episode the truth that the root cause behind a man who is addicted to pornography, or engaged in some other form of sexual sin, is that he has an enormous self-life; he is the center of his own little universe. We asked Jordan to speak about a particular lie that is prevalent in the church today, because it is everywhere in our culture.

The myth that we’re talking about today is, “I can have my own life in this world and be a Christian as well.” I really believe that it's a complete lie from the devil, and it's dragging people, good people, good professing Christians to hell, because they don't know any better. They're just going along with the flow of what's happening in the church today; they're going to church and really experiencing God in a way that God did not intend them to worship.

Something is terribly wrong in the church today, when over half of all married men in the Evangelical church are in some kind of sexual sin, and nearly 80 percent of young men view porn regularly. The church is no longer the spotless bride of Christ; she's an adulteress. We are no better than Israel, playing the harlot by pursuing our idols. Jordan shows us that the problem is clearly taught in Scripture.

The church as God intended was supposed to influence and change the world, and what we're finding today is that the world is coming into the church and influencing the church. And as I said before, that's just not Scriptural. In Matthew 10:39 it says,  “Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.” And throughout Scripture this message is forefront, that you're going to have to lose your life in this world. In Luke 9:23 it says we need to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow the Lord. But it says, “die daily!” We need that daily death to self, and what's being promoted in the Church today is the message that “Hey, you can be a Christian, but have everything that you want in this life as well!”

{{blog-bbaby="/blog-ads-storage"}}

We live in a me-centered culture. It has infected our core beliefs, and what we regard as sin. In the area of sexuality, now anything and everything goes.

You can see it in laws that are being passed, in the cultural shift, in sexuality, it's all about self, and it is all about pleasing self. It is all about, “hey, what's good for you is alright as long as it doesn't impact me; You can do what you want, be whatever you want to be, dress how you want to dress, be whatever sex that you want to be…” This is a sad mindset, but tragically, it's permeating the Church.

And what is the result of this extreme self-centeredness? What happens when you can't tell a Christian by his lifestyle from his unsaved neighbor? Jesus prayed that His disciples would not come out of the world, but they would be protected from its influence. Both James and John warned that being a friend of the world makes us an enemy of God. What happens when the idolatry of this world takes over our lives? Jesus told us. Matthew 16:26 says “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet forfeits his soul, or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” And, a lot of times we think that verse applies to unbelievers only, but I think it's talking to believers, it's saying, “what is it going to profit you if you marry yourself to the world and you lose your soul?”

Yeah, that is a good question, because a lot of people go to church, they sit in a pew, they tithe, they’re in a bible study or a small group during the week, and yet, they are married to the world. They've given themselves over to things that might not seem like sin—extravagant vacations, or obsessing over sports, or their kids—it doesn’t seem like sin but if you take a long hard look you can see the idolatry in their lives.  Exodus 20:3 says very clearly, “thou shall not have any gods before me.” Again, look at the reality of their lives. They call themselves Christians but they'll still skip Sunday service to watch the World Series or the Superbowl or golf or whatever. Or maybe they say, “I'm going to skip church because my son has a soccer game today”, or “my kids have a game on Wednesday night so we're not going to go to church.” God specifically commands that we don't put anything before Him. When we take all those little choices cumulatively over a lifetime…man, I don't want to be standing in front of God on judgment day and hear “Depart from Me. I never knew you.” God isn’t going to say that to complete heathens. He’s going to say that to people who did a lot of things in His name. And the consequence of allowing the world into the church and telling people that they can have both is that many are going to stand in front of Jesus once day and He's going to say, “Depart from Me. I never knew you.” And people are going to be grieved, because they weren't taught that—how few people were saying “you need to look at how you're living your life in this world. Not just the big sins but everything else in life.”

Just to give a quick background here, Jordan is no stranger to this subject. He grew up in Anaheim, California, the home of Disneyland. He was grew up in the church as a pastor's son, but everything about his life was driven by the world. He was obsessed with pleasure, obsessed with entertainment, movies, sports, food, everything to feed the flesh. When his sexual sin started, it completely dominated his life for years. He left the church and was gone for a long time. When he came back to the church, he continued in sexual sin, did not cut himself off from worldly influences. Jordan, how did that life work out for you?

Not very well. It didn't work out. For about a decade I was living the double life, going to church, being a Sunday school teacher, being a youth director, leading church camps, etc., but I was also fully engrossed in myself! Not just sexual sin, but drinking, partying, buying clothes, spending all kinds of money, I just did whatever I wanted to do. Eventually I got to the point where I said, “Ok, either I can keep living the life or just go headlong into my sin,” and I just chose my sin. I wanted my sin more than I wanted God. And yet, throughout the next three decades, I would still profess to be a Christian, and even sent a Bible to one of my drinking buddies! What! So ridiculous!  I mean, what kind of testimony did I have? I had none.

I came back to church in 2005, and then went on staff in 2007, and was on staff for three years before my sin got exposed again…. Yeah, I was able to cultivate a double life again, and I felt like “if I just repented and kept repenting, that God would honor that.” But yet, I wasn't denying my flesh.

And what is the inevitable result of being utterly worldly in our hearts, while maintaining the fake Christian veneer?

I mean, the answer's simple. It’s a life and death question. Life with Jesus or life without Him. I don't like to be the hell and brimstone type of guy, but there's a reality to that. “God will not be mocked,” Galatians 6 says. “He who sews to the flesh will reap corruption of the flesh.” So, if we continue sowing to the our flesh, then where are we going to stand on Judgment Day? Were we really ever Christians, if we can continually do things are so displeasing to the Lord or not glorifying Him, and actually pointing people away from the Lord?

A real Christian life is possible. There is real life in relationship to Jesus Christ, and it is abundant life. Jordan, finish our time together by giving a testimony to what your life is like now. No longer married to this world, what it is like to be wed by faith to Jesus Christ.

Revelations 21 says that when we see Him face to face, He'll wipe away every tear. There will be no pain, no sorrow, no more striving. Man, that's something to look forward to. If you come to Jesus, “all who are weak and heavy laden and I will give you rest, there is rest for our souls. His yoke is easy, His burden is light.” If we will only submit ourselves and humble ourselves, and allow Him to guide us and direct us,  there is rest. And it says in John, “the fullness of His joy.” He wants to complete our joy. He wants to make it full. I always thought joy was an emotion; joy is not an emotion like happiness. Joy is something much deeper, and much more profound than any emotion can ever describe. Joy in the Lord! And making that joy complete is a knowledge and an assurance and a confidence in who the Lord is, what he's done for you, what the Cross means, all of that! And I have that choice now, whereas before, I was tossed to and fro like a wave, because I was just guided by my emotions. The Lord wants to give us life and life abundantly.

If you're thinking, “Ok, I can either choose Jesus or try this whole ‘Jesus and the world too’ I will tell you what it’s going to be like. It’s going to be life abundantly if you follow God, but if you choose to marry yourself to the world or try to have both, then you're going to allow Satan to kill, steal and destroy.

When you come into his rest, when you finally surrender, when you finally admit your weakness, and your inability to do anything on your own—2 Corinthians 12:9-10 becomes a reality. “His grace is sufficient. His strength is perfected in our weakness. When I am weak, I am strong.” When we understand that we just cannot do it, that we do need to deny ourselves, that we do need to be bondservants as Peter and James and Paul said, completely surrendered to the Lord; no dreams, ambitions, anything of our own, and completely allow the Holy Spirit to indwell us and guide and direct us, there is just so much that God wants to give us, and give to His Church. He is longing for His Church to surrender and separate themselves from the world so He can give them the fullness of who He is, and give them peace and rest and joy and boldness and creativity—and all of these things, all these different facets of Jesus and the Lord, that He wants to give the Church, if only we will start denying ourselves. If we will say, “No longer I, Christ who lives within me.”

This excerpt is from our podcast episode, "The Root of Sexual Addiction Probably Isn’t what You Think it is." Episode 371.

To access our full podcast library, visit purelifeministries.org/purity-for-life, or check us out in the iTunes store or Google Play store.

The 1969 Chicago Cubs began the season at a sizzling pace, winning 11 of their first 12 games. To the delight of their playoff-starved fans, the Cubs had built a 9 ½-game lead over the upstart New York Mets by mid-August. It seemed as though the Cubs would coast into the playoffs yet, inexplicably, that’s when the freefall began. In a matter of two weeks, their once unassailable lead had dwindled to two games. Rather than regroup at that point and fight back, the Cubs continued to plummet. By the end of the season, the choking team from the Windy City finished 8 games behind the surging Mets, the eventual world champions. It was arguably the worst collapse a Major League Baseball team has ever experienced.

The baseball season, extended over a grueling 162-game schedule, allows for the inevitable surges and slumps that come with the game and provides ample time for the quality teams to rise to the top. A strong charge at the beginning of the season certainly helps establish a winning attitude and good habits in the clubhouse. However, dashing out ahead of the pack can also bring with it the danger of complacency.

And so it is with the Christian life. So many times we have witnessed an enthusiastic new believer rush out—Bible in hand—sharing his spiritual discoveries with anyone who will listen to him, only to find him completely backslidden a year later. The fact is that the Christian life is not a 50-yard dash; it is a long marathon.

Despite Solomon’s vast wisdom, he never seemed to grasp this essential truth, making his life certainly one of the most tragic failures found in Scripture. Though raised in what must have been one of the godliest homes ever, Solomon was ill-prepared to face the one source of temptation that nearly destroyed his father: SEX!  The Israelite king made the classic mistake of using his position to multiply sex partners for himself—reminiscent of today’s Christian man who does the same through pornography. Solomon’s life illustrates four important spiritual principles that are worth noting.

{{blog-si="/blog-ads-storage"}}

1. Lust is never satisfied—ever

At the height of Solomon’s fame, he had 300 wives and 700 concubines, yet in Ecclesiastes he wrote, “Better is the sight of the eye than the wandering of the desire. This also is grasping for the wind.” In a modern sense, no matter how many sexual images a man views, he will never find fulfillment through illicit sex. In my book, At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, I wrote the following:

“Lustful living is hellish living. Again, lust is demanding and never satisfied. The more one feeds the beast, the more ravenous it becomes. Perhaps the allergic reaction to poison ivy would illustrate the intense craving for immorality some are consumed by. The body becomes covered with a rash which incites intense itching. If the person scratches the infected area, he risks the possibility of making it worse and spreading it to other parts of his body. If he does not scratch it, he feels as though he might go insane! Yet, even if he grated it with a metal file, a few minutes later it would itch all the more.”

2. Habitual immorality always leads the person into the Kingdom of Darkness

We are told that “when Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart away after other gods; and his heart was not wholly devoted to the Lord…” (1 Kings 11:4)

So it is with the Christian porn addict. He thinks he is safely dabbling on the edges of Satan’s kingdom. Though he tells himself that he is in control and can stop his behavior whenever necessary, it is all part of the deception of sin. Just like undercurrents pulling an empty bottle out to sea, so too the porn addict does not realize that he is being dragged inexorably into the Kingdom of Darkness.

3. Sin always demands total allegiance from its abuser

Solomon likely made a regular pretense of worshipping at the newly constructed Temple of Jehovah, but the high places to demonic gods erected on the Mt. of Olives—directly across the Kidron Valley—revealed the truth about his heart: he had become an idolater, forsaking the Living God.

It is much the same for the modern man who sings hymns to God on Sunday while viewing the filthy images of pornography during the week. In utter delusion, he convinces himself that he loves the Lord but just has a “struggle” with porn. This exaggeration of one’s spiritual life coupled with minimization of sin is another typical aspect of sin’s deceitful nature. If he were healed of his spiritual blindness, he would realize the awful truth—that he has given his heart to the enemy. He might persuade himself into believing that he is truly following Christ while also living in debauchery and deception, but Jesus said, “No man can serve two masters.” The notion that we can live simultaneously in God’s and Satan’s kingdoms is absurd. It is a spiritual impossibility.

4. Without true repentance, apostasy is the inevitable outcome

This is the last, but most sobering, principle. The very fact that the high places remained perched atop the Hill of Transgression for years to come indicates that Solomon died an apostate. What a tragedy! His ship was entering the harbor. The port was in sight. But in spite of the warning beacons all around, his faith suffered shipwreck in the final years of his life.

Thankfully, it is never too late for a backslider to repent. But, the worst mistake one can make, in any season of life, is to put this repentance off until a more convenient time. The truth is that the longer one remains in sin, the more calloused and unreachable becomes the heart.

Yes, there is a reason God made this life a marathon—a 162-game season. Our life in this world is a trial—a test to prove whether or not we truly love Him. Perseverance and endurance (which the ’69 Chicago Cubs failed to maintain) are essential components of the Christian experience. With the playoffs in sight and the pennant race on the line, the Cubs folded up, leaving their devoted fans feeling disappointed and disillusioned.

We too have a race before us and fans cheering us on. Perhaps this is what the writer of Hebrews had in mind when he wrote: “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus...” (12:1-2) The race is only for this short life. The stakes: life-and-death. The prize at the end: eternal life with Jesus.

Our Purity for Life segment this week looks again at the subject of humility. Last week we looked at Jesus' own example of a humble lifestyle. Today Jeff and Mike look at this vital subject in Jesus’ teachings.

Mike: This week, we want to talk about humility in the teachings of Jesus. Let’s just start off by talking about Jesus' overall ministry and what His message was as He began His ministry here on earth.

Jeff: Well, we see it from nearly the beginning of Jesus’s ministry when He gave the Sermon on the Mount that humility was one of Jesus’s greatest teachings. One of the things He said in the beginning of the sermon was “Blessed are the meek.” And from the beginning to the end of His ministry, He was always trying to convey that spiritual truth to His disciples and to others. As human beings, we naturally oppose the spirit of humility, the same spirit that Jesus displayed throughout His life.

Mike: You mentioned the word meekness. In our current culture, especially as men, the term meek is just something that we are repulsed by. We think, “I'm not meek, I'm a man.” Since we have been ingrained with this false idea of what meekness and humility truly are, how do we begin to understand them biblically?

Jeff: First, we need to realize that Jesus is inviting us to draw near to Him so that He can teach us. In Matthew 11:29 He says, “Come all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. Learn from me.” In other words, I want to teach you because I am meek and lowly. Basically, Jesus is saying to come enter His yoke and follow Him so that He can teach us what it means to walk as He does.

Mike: What motivated Jesus to be humble?

Jeff:  It’s His nature. God is love, and love is always willing to yield itself and give itself for another. It's willing to serve. It puts another’s needs above its own. It is God's nature. We don't think of it that way because He's such an all-powerful and Mighty God, but yet He's humble and He's willing to humble Himself.

Mike: He sent His own Son in the form of a man to die on a cross; how could his nature be anything but humble? It's almost hard to wrap your mind around it when you think about it. But that really leads us into what I want to talk about next, which is how Jesus interacted with His disciples. Because this idea of humility is something it took them a while to understand and apply to their lives.

Jeff: It was obvious that they had issues humbling themselves. We see many times in the Scriptures where Jesus was with them and they were arguing about who was going to be the greatest or who would sit at His right hand. It was a common theme amongst them, and yet really, when we look at our own lives we see the same attitude of the disciples inside of us.

{{blog-brse="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Mike: When they had an argument about who was going to be the greatest in the Kingdom of God, how did Jesus respond to that?

Jeff: Well, there were many times Jesus would teach on what true humility was. I remember He was at a Pharisee’s house, and He told a parable about guest that was invited to take the better place at the table.
Now he told a parable to those who were invited, when he noticed how they chose the places of honor, saying to them, “When you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in a place of honor, lest someone more distinguished than you be invited by him, and he who invited you both will come and say to you, ‘Give your place to this person,’ and then you will begin with shame to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. (Luke 14:7-11 ESV)
       I feel like in a roundabout way, He was trying to help His disciples see that it's not about who gets the best seat at the table. He taught them what it means to exercise humility. He told them it is better for you to take the lower place and then if God chooses to, He will elevate you to a higher position.
I think about how we as people often try to climb the ladder of success. Jesus saw that heart in the Pharisees and that is why many times He gave them examples where the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven was the one who was willing to come down the ladder and go the opposite direction that the world teaches us to go.

Mike: Jesus dealt with the disciples again at the Passover. Talk a little bit about what the issue was there.

Jeff: We see even at the Last Supper. His disciples were there again arguing at the table. And Jesus, in an act of such humility, took off His robe and girded Himself just like a servant would and knelt to wash the disciples’ feet. Then He told them, “As I have done to you, you also should do to one another.” In other words, He wanted them to be servants of all. Right up to the very end He was teaching them that they should all be willing servants.

Mike: As I look at my own life, I think of how if I had truly grasped what He was teaching the disciples here, which was to be a servant to all, I would have avoided many difficult situations. And He teaches us because He knows that this isn't what comes natural to us. He knows that true humility isn't part of our nature.
Now I'd like for you to talk a little bit from personal experience. What has it been like for you to learn what true humility is through the teachings of Jesus?

Jeff: God has saw fit to put me in different positions here at the ministry. It has drove me to Him and the reality that I can't do this without the Lord. But I also have had to be very careful that I didn't see my position as something to lord over people, or something I had to possess. I’ve had to realize that my position really is to serve. That's how I try to look at my position. Jesus also looked at His position as a place of servanthood. So my prayer has become, “Lord, let me always put others’ needs before my own.” My role is really about me helping them do the best that they can do and serving them however I can. And I want to do that. Whether it's to pray for them or just encourage them, I never want to lose sight of the fact that God has called me to serve.

Mike: I appreciate you sharing that. And it goes to show again, this doesn't come natural to us. But as you've expressed, the only way you were able to be a servant was to turn to Jesus. He is the only one that can instill humility in us through His life living in us.

Jeff: It's true. If we understand that humility is one of our greatest needs, and we go to Jesus believing in what He shows us and then yield to what he teaches us about humility, then He gives us what we don't have in ourselves. He can impart His humility and His love into our hearts, and He will come and live in that way in a heart that wants His humility.

Mike: Amen, I want to highlight what you just said there. We must want His humility to be imparted to us. It's a matter of choice that we make. We must choose to yield our hearts to that.

Jeff: And the invitation is still there. Jesus is still speaking today. He is still inviting anyone that will listen to enter His yoke and learn from Him. I would just invite anyone to come to Jesus and learn this precious gift of humility that involves losing your life for other people.

The 22nd Annual Pure Life Ministries Conference is coming up April 22nd & 23rd and will be hosted in the Answers Center at the Ark Encounter in Williamstown, KY. In this episode, we want to give you a taste for the kinds of powerful teachings you can expect at this event by playing a sermon preached by Steve Gallagher at our 2019 conference. We hope it will bless you, and that you will consider joining us this April.

‍

Resources

• Find out more about our 22nd Annual Conference

In this segment, Jeff Colón examines the life of Jesus, and how He lived in relationship to His Father, and to the will of the Father. We find that Jesus example serves as a model for what it means to live the Christian life.

‍
Mike: As we continue our series on humility, we want to look today at the humility displayed in the life of Jesus. I don't know any better place to look in the Word of God than to Jesus as our example of humility. When He would have discussions with the disciples and they were a mess spiritually, Jesus was still very gracious in the way that He dealt with them. We find one example in Luke 22:27 when He said, “Normally, the master sits at the table and is served by His servants, but not here for I am your servant.” We want to talk a little bit about what Jesus was expressing here, what motivated Him and what was in His heart. What do we learn about humility in respect to what Jesus shared with His disciples in this passage in Luke?

Jeff: Well, Mike, you're right, when you say the only way we can understand humility is to look at Jesus and the way He lived His life. As we look at him in the context of this verse, and really His whole life while He was here on the earth, we come to understand that His whole life revolved around letting the Father be everything. Basically, the Greek word for servant used in Luke 22:27 means slave or bond servant. Jesus resigned Himself to come under the Father in that way. And that's why He could say, when you've seen me, you've seen the Father.

Mike: We’ve been looking at humility in some previous discussions, and we've already defined it as a person’s simple consent to let God be everything and surrendering to His purpose for their lives. And we really see that in the gospel of John, where Jesus Himself says that without my Father, I can do nothing. Let's look at some of the things that Jesus said in the Gospel of John about that and see if there is a contrast working in our own lives.

Jeff: It's so amazing in the book of John how many times Jesus made statements that really show us what it means to be emptied of self. He said he did nothing without consulting the Father and that his teachings were not His own ideas. He said he could do nothing on his own and even that the words He spoke were not His own. To me it's just a picture that the Father completely had control of Him, but Jesus surrendered Himself to the Father in that way.

Mike: Some of the things you mentioned like when Jesus said in John 5:19, “The Son can do nothing by Himself,” make me just think about how often I can read that verse and say, “Yeah, I believe I can't do anything without God.” But in reality, I wonder how often in my daily life I actually live with that kind of dependency upon God for what I am doing.

Jeff: Yeah, that's so true for all of us, and I'll even take it a step further. When He says, “I can do nothing of myself,” I almost think it's more in the sense that He can't do anything against the Father's will. It’s not like He was just weak, and didn’t have the ability in Himself, because I believe Jesus had all the power of heaven at His disposal. Even when He was on the cross, He could have called angels down from heaven. When He says that He can't do anything of Himself, I see it more that if anything would go against the will of the Father, then Jesus couldn’t do it.

Mike: Well. In fact, in John 5:30 it says, “I do nothing without consulting the Father.”

Jeff: Yeah, and we just don't realize how often we go about our daily lives without consulting God about things when really, we should be consulting Him about everything.

{{blog-brse="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Mike: In John 14:10 Jesus says, “The words I say are not My words, but the Father who lives in Me does His work through Me.” The cry of my heart is, Lord Please let my words be your words, because the Holy Spirit is constantly showing me how many words come out of my mouth that I know are not from the Lord.

Jeff: I know for myself I want to become nothing so that the Father can become everything and that everything I say would glorify Him and be His heart towards people. That's what I want in my life.

Mike: Well, let's talk about that for a minute, because really what we're talking about is this idea of fully surrendering. This is much more than the American religiosity that most of us have grown up in. It is a complete surrender of everything about us. I mean we've got to be honest with ourselves, our flesh is not in agreement with that. The idea of giving up my autonomy, giving up control of my life and the direction of my life, there's something in us that does not want that.

Jeff: It's our fallen nature that rebels against that and somehow believes that freedom and joy is found in doing what I want to do. But if you think about it, God created us to know Him and worship Him. It was for His purpose and unless we're living for His purpose and His will, we will never have true peace or Joy and we will never really find what we are looking for because we were made for God. Peace and joy come about in a completely different way than we’d expect. True freedom, true peace and true joy stem out of a full surrender to the Lord.    

Mike: And the intimacy Jesus had with Father was only because He walked in humility and surrender to the Father's will.

Jeff: That’s so true. Jesus didn't lose anything by giving everything to the Father, and the case will be the same for us if we choose to give Him everything.

Mike: What does it really mean to deny ourselves and follow Him?

Jeff: Well the Lord has helped me with this in my own personal life. Years ago, when someone told me to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus, it really helped me to understand some things about God’s design and purpose for me. I am a vessel God wants to fill and what I need to realize is that in myself, I really have no value other than what my value is to God. So it's better to do away with myself, which is what denying yourself means. Practically, it means to look away from trusting anything good in myself, or in my own abilities. I need to crucify the old man with his deeds and everything that has to do with the flesh and allow God to fill me and work His will through me.

Mike: Yeah. And really, we’re not giving up anything that's worthwhile anyway. To be able to do that we've got to at least come to the place of being willing to acknowledge that God and only God is good, and everything that we possess of any value comes from Him.

Jeff: There's a verse in Hebrews where it talks about Jesus’s life and it says, “Behold you have prepared a body for me to do your will oh God.” When we really understand that our bodies were prepared just like Jesus’s body, to do the Father's will and to glorify Him, we will understand that we were created to glorify God with our bodies.

The message of the email was unmistakable: a simple click on the link would open up a world of electrifying erotica.

In spite of the fact that Pastor Mel hadn’t even seen a Playboy magazine since his teenage years, the pull was tremendous. Curiosity about what he might see escalated as adrenaline shot through his being. Rather than quickly deleting the unwanted solicitation and calling his wife about it, he hesitated. The cursor seemed to take on a mind of its own as it slid across the screen to the link. There it parked for several terrible seconds as his index finger hovered over the mouse.

As the battle between good and evil raged within him, he frantically reminded himself that there would be a price to pay. But his feeble arguments and best intentions crumbled under the force of the temptation. Mel’s shaking finger slowly descended. His eyes unconsciously squeezed shut as if about to witness some horrible scene. The click of the button brought a grimace across his face which quickly gave way to a sense of exhilarating relief that the battle was over.

As he opened his eyes, a delicious world of evil came into view. He had sunk his teeth into the forbidden fruit and found it to be everything it had promised to be. For hours he raced through websites—typing in every obscene term his imagination could conceive. The dam gates had burst open and now nothing was taboo.

Eventually, the lust drained from his body and Mel shut down his computer in stunned silence. He was emotionally and physically spent. Unfortunately, it didn’t end there. He had opened a Pandora’s Box that would not easily be shut again.

In spite of the fact that he was finding less and less satisfaction from his newfound love, Mel could not seem to stop his behavior. The following months became the darkest period of his life. It seemed as though something evil had come into his being and perhaps it did. The eyes that once sparkled with the luster of sincerity became increasingly dulled by the deadening effects of sin.

What brought about this pastor’s fall from grace? Worldliness, plain and simple.

The Well Worn Path to Destruction

As a young man, Mel had a dramatic conversion. He was “on fire for the Lord,” and, at his pastor’s suggestion, was soon packing his bags for Bible college.

However, to his surprise, the other kids at school didn’t share his enthusiasm. In fact, they seemed calloused to spiritual things. For instance, when he attempted to share his excitement over the things of God, they would roll their eyes and say things like, “This too will pass.” He was informed that he needed to learn how to be “balanced.”

Over time their deadening influence had its effect. He began dabbling in some of his old hobbies. The old idols of sports, television and video games gradually reclaimed their former position in his heart. Nothing dampens a love for God like the charms of the world.

By the time he graduated from Bible college, he had become thoroughly indoctrinated in a religious system where holiness, humility and love for God take a backseat to outward success. Mel didn’t realize that what he had enlisted in was a hybrid of Christianity and the American culture. I touched on this in my book, ‘Intoxicated with Babylon’:

“We have created a gospel for our own culture, tailor-made to fit smugly within the confines of the American Dream. The old-fashioned Gospel we should preach has been altered just enough to agree with our busy schedules and myriad amusements. By emphasizing certain biblical teachings and, more importantly, neglecting others, we have managed to create a whole new gospel that fits our American lifestyle.

“Tragically, our rendition of Christianity makes no demands, expects no sacrifice, and yields no eternal rewards. The Lion of Judah has been anesthetized, de-clawed, and tamed. We have reduced the Almighty to a harmless icon we passively honor in our busy lives. The vision of a Holy God, a Consuming Fire, a Judge who will one day render unto every man his just reward has virtually vanished out of the American Church.”

{{blog-bbaby="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Fifteen Years Later

Although his passion for God had subsided, Mel proved to be a good student of the system. After a couple of stints as a youth pastor he received his first call as a senior pastor. Applying church growth techniques to his new pastorate, his congregation began to swell. He became comfortably settled into the ministry. In short, he became a professional.

He didn’t set out with insincere motives; he just got caught up in the flow of a system that left him feeling spiritually empty and “burned out” by the time he was forty. Demanding parishioners, a hectic schedule, pressure to perform, and his own ambition for success all combined to intensify his stress. Rather than getting away for extended periods of seeking the Lord, he increasingly turned to the world for relief. During his typical day at the office, he would often steal opportunities to surf news and sports sites on the Internet. Driving to appointments became opportunities to listen to Rush Limbaugh. Many off-nights at home were spent in front of the television.

Mel well understood the implications of Galatians 6:7-8: “…whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption...” He could quote it verbatim and had preached on it more than once. Yet, he never connected his own growing sense of spiritual dryness and lack of power to the worldly amusements with which he regularly rewarded himself.

He didn’t realize that every time he turned on the TV, opened a magazine, surfed the Internet or listened to talk radio he was making provision for the flesh; in other words, providing for its sustenance, keeping it alive and healthy. He wasn’t taking into account that every spiritual leak he allowed was draining away precious spiritual life he could ill afford to lose. He was oblivious to the fact that the seeds of corruption he was sowing into his life were about to bear an abundant harvest of rotten fruit. A dark corruption was silently invading his heart.

Mel thought that because he had faithfully maintained his devotional life that he was filled with the Spirit. But the truth was that his personal time with God had long since lost its vitality. Bible study mostly consisted of searching for sermon material. His prayers were self-oriented, and subsequently powerless. His fervent sounding pleadings for revival in church were simply the emotional chatter of a frivolous man, not the God-moving, earnest supplications of an authentic intercessor.

The power to resist temptation is promised to those who “walk in the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:16) But there is no such promise extended to the one who has abandoned godliness in favor of carnality. “Bouncing eyes,” Internet filters and accountability partners won’t help a person whose godly foundation has disintegrated and whose spiritual defenses have been compromised.

Pastor Mel’s downfall underscores the fact that one doesn’t lose a war overnight; rather, the war is lost through an accumulation of defeats in the daily life. However, it would be superficial to see Mel’s indulgence in pornography as the real calamity of his life. While this man maintained the exterior image of a godly pastor, the truth was that in his inner life he had long since sold out to the prince of this world.

A Modern Spiritual Catastrophe

Undoubtedly, there are many pastors in America who are secretly addicted to pornography or other immoral behaviors. This is a spiritual catastrophe which warrants our greatest concern.

However, even more alarming is the level of interaction that takes place and the degree of familiarity that exists between the post-modern Church and the world. How can the kingdom of light—that place of holiness, purity, and truth—co-exist with the unholy, impure, deceptive kingdom of darkness? They are two different kingdoms—eternally separated.

One might wonder how many ministry leaders will one day hear the words of James as a terrible pronouncement over their lives: “Whoever chooses to be a friend of the world takes his stand as an enemy of God.” (James 4:4 AMP) May God help each of us to examine our lives in the light of such solemn words.

‍

One of the worst aspects of sexual sin is that it breeds deception in the heart and in the soul. The many lies that come with sexual sin slowly corrupt a person until they are completely blind to the spiritual realities of life. Therefore, the sexual addict must learn to live in truth if he or she is ever to find freedom from their sin.

Resources

• ‍Intoxicated With Babylon (Book) By Steve Gallagher

In 1991, as I stood hand in hand with my soon-to-be wife, Rose, at the altar, I was convinced my life-long struggle with sexual addiction was finally behind me.

I had been a Christian for a few years but was helpless to break free from the lust that had dominated my life since I was a young boy. I really believed marriage was the answer.

As we looked into each other’s eyes that day, Rose was filled with hope, hope that I would love and cherish her, hope that I would meet her needs, hope that I would provide and care for her, hope for a life of happiness and blessing. Rose had no idea of the expectations I had placed upon her and the devastation that was coming her way.

It didn’t take very long for both of us to see clearly. I was the same self-centered, lust-filled man after marriage as before. And Rose’s dreams of a happy, God-centered marriage came crashing down as my history of sexual addiction and drug use reared its ugly head only a few weeks into our marriage.

No, a wedding ring is not some magic pill. The challenges and strains on any new marriage invariably bring disaster when the new husband is self-centered and filled with lust.

Practice Resisting Lust before Marriage

Let me contrast my attitude going into marriage with that of a young man I recently counseled. He too came out of a life of sexual addiction and was preparing to get married. His goal in counseling was to grow in his relationship with Christ. He wanted to be different before he got married so he could be a blessing to his future wife. He didn’t want to bring the baggage of his old life into his marriage. In short, he was willing to wait until he was ready.

As the wedding grew closer, I remember how excited he was, looking forward to his wedding night with his new bride. He was in love and she was so beautiful to him, so of course he was excited. But for him it wasn’t just the sexual intimacy he would enjoy. He was also nervous and hopeful that he could be a blessing and not a curse to her. He was hopeful that sexual intimacy with his wife would be different than the lust-filled experiences he had known in the past.

This young man didn’t fall for the misconception that marriage would change him and fix his lust problem.

I recently talked to him on the phone and asked him how married life was going. He told me he sees even more now the importance of getting his stuff straightened out before getting married.

“It is Better to Marry than to Burn with Passion”

Many Christians quote 1 Corinthians 7:9 to support their argument that marriage is the cure for their lust. Here Paul positions, “if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

We have to go back a few verses to understand the context of what Paul is saying. “For I wish that all men were even as I myself, but each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:7-9)

We can see that Paul is addressing here the question of whether or not someone is willing to accept a life of celibacy as he had done. In Paul’s mind, he had received the grace and power to do so. Others are not so called and empowered. So this passage is speaking to those who are struggling because of their desire to be married. For these Christians, marriage is a way to help them avoid falling into temptation. It is these individuals that Paul is addressing, not the man or woman given over to lust. In other words, Paul is not saying that marriage is an answer for those already succumbing to temptation.

Furthermore, in verse 6, Paul explains, “But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.” In other words, this is not God’s true desire for us. In fact, God commands us, “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control…” (2 Peter 1:5-6a)  And He promises self-control, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace…and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23a)

God wants us to learn to control our bodies in holiness and honor, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-6)

God’s will is that man exercise self-control until he is ready and called to marry, just as in the account of the young man earlier in this article.

{{blog-si="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Marriage Is Much More than Sex

To the man or woman who is looking to marriage as the answer to their lust problem, I would also say marriage is much more than an outlet for one’s sexual appetite. God intends our marriages to emulate the relationship Christ exhibits towards His Bride, the Church. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church.” (Ephesians 5:31-32)

In His perfect wisdom, God gave us marriage as a channel for our sexual desires to be fulfilled in a positive and God-glorifying way. Sex is part of the union of marriage, indeed an important part, but it is only a part of the whole. Our marriages should be centered on an unselfish attitude that focuses on the unconditional love of Christ that gives of itself for the benefit of the other.

This is a vastly different outlook than looking to our spouses to satisfy our lustful appetites, and to marriage as a cure for a man or woman bound by lust. All we need to do is to look at the epidemic of porn and sexual sin in the church amongst married men and women to see that it simply does not work for that purpose.

I believe there is a healthy longing that we can have for a future spouse and there is nothing wrong with the expectations that come with marriage including the joy of participating in sexual intimacy with our future mate. God designed it that way, and when we are seeking to please Him, glorify Him, embrace His plans and His purposes, our marriages will be what He intends them to be.

And be sure of this, marriage isn’t the way out of sin, only Christ is. “Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed,” (John 8:36) free from sin and free to enjoy all the fruit of a holy marriage that He will bless in more ways than you can think or imagine.

In the final episode of our series, Refined as Silver, we look at what it means for a wife to forgive her husband truly, completely and radically, even after the devastation of sexual sin. Biblical Counselor Rose Colón joins Nate to talk about the challenges that arise as a wife seeks to live in forgiveness, and the incredible freedom that comes through it.

Resources

• Find out more about our counseling program for wives
• When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart (Book) by Kathy Gallagher

We continue looking at the theme of humility in this week’s interview with Jeff Colon by looking at how it connects with our need for redemption. He teaches us that when we begin to see our sin rightly, we’ll be brought to a place of true humility. It’s in this condition that we begin to cry out to the Lord and it’s in this place that God will come in and meet our need.

Mike: We want to continue our series on humility. And I just want to ask you this question, how does humility relate to our redemption, or rather our need for redemption?

Jeff: Well, Mike, there is a Scripture I have in mind regarding that. Romans 5:12 talks about what happened in the fall through the first Adam. It says, “Just as through one man, sin entered the world and death through sin and thus death spread to all men, because all have sinned.” And what we need to realize is that because of the fall, everyone has fallen under the curse of sin. Our minds and hearts have been corrupted by the same pride that animated the Devil. We have a desperate need to be redeemed from the fallen nature of the devil and that really is the root of all sin. As we see that truth and it becomes real to us, we begin to understand why we need to be redeemed.

Mike: Well, let's talk a little bit about the impact that pride has had on us because, as Americans, we often look at pride and say, that's a great thing, we need to be proud about who we are. But as you've mentioned, it is really a very devilish thing. Talk a little bit more about the impact that it's had on us and the outworking of pride in our lives

Jeff: If you think about it really, all the wretchedness that the world has seen began with that curse. All the war, all the bloodshed, all the selfishness, all the suffering, all the ambition and jealousy. Every broken heart is the result of pride, whether it's our pride or someone else's pride.

{{blog-brse="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Mike: I know one of the things that has happened certainly for us and for the men that come into our Residential Program is that they come in with what they believe to be a little problem with sexual sin. But what becomes real to them after a while is that they are full of themselves and what they are really seeing is the pride that has completely corrupted them. I know part of what must happen in their lives is that they must reach a point where they really get a sight of how corrupting their pride is, and to end up in a place of despair. Where do you go from there?

Jeff: We need to despair over our condition, but as someone said to me once, we need to despair happily. In other words, we need to see that out of that despair will come something greater. For us that means seeing Christ and our redemption through Him. We see it in Paul’s writings where he says in Romans 7, “I know that in this fallen flesh, there is nothing good.” Jesus said to the rich young ruler, “No one is good but God.” We need to realize that only God is good and despair that there is no hope in fixing our flesh nature. Like Paul we need to say, “But I thank God through Jesus Christ.” In other words, Jesus made a way for me to be freed from this body of death.

Mike: What is it about Jesus that we need to know and understand in order to come into this redemption?

Jeff: I think we especially need a revelation that the root of God’s character is love, but I can even say it as Saint Francis of Assisi said, “God is humility.” We need a sight of that, and we need to understand that our greatest need is to know and trust that His life can be revealed in us. We need to see that His life is ours now that we have died to our old man. Christ and His Spirit come to dwell in us so that we can have His nature. This is our hope of redemption.

Mike: I know for many years in ministry before I fell, there were times that I was truly in awe of the power and the glory of God. But that in itself is not the main thing that draws us to Jesus. What is it about Jesus that really draws a wretched, prideful man to Him?

Jeff: His mercy. He is good, He is kind and He is long suffering. In other words, God is lowly. God meets the needs of His creatures. He is meek, He is gentle, and He is willing to serve. He is love, even though He is so powerful and mighty. He is humility. That’s what draws me to Him. I believe as Christians, if we want joy, if we really want to understand what fellowship with God and knowing Christ is, we must make his humility the thing we admire most about Him. It also must be the main thing we ask of Him and the one thing we see that we cannot live without. God is asking us to take His yoke upon ourselves, so that we can learn from Him how to be meek and lowly at heart.

Mike: What we're talking about here absolutely cuts across the grain. I'm thinking of two things. Number one is our flesh, because our flesh always wants to exalt itself. Two is the idea of being meek and lowly in heart. A man that comes across as meek and lowly in our current culture is certainly not celebrated.

Jeff: If you think about it, the culture and society we live in, and the whole spirit of this world teaches us to look to self and to be all that we can be. But the humility of God tells us to empty ourselves and to be nothing and let God be all that He can be in our lives.

Mike: One of the great struggles for Christians in the church today is that they're not experiencing the joy of their salvation. Do you think in some part it's because we haven't embraced this idea of humility?

Jeff: Oh, absolutely. Until we make humility our main joy and welcome it into our lives, there is very little hope of living in the faith that God has granted us in Christ that will overcome the world. We really need to embrace humility in our lives, just as Jesus did.

Mike: For those who are beginning to grasp for the first time what this great redemption really is focused on doing in us, they may think that it’s impossible. They may say, “I'm just not a humble person.” They look at their heart, the way they live their lives, and think to themselves, “I can't do this.” What encouragement would you give to them?

Jeff: Don't look to yourself. Look at Jesus and realize that He did what we cannot do. That's why Paul cried out, “O wretched man that I am, who will deliver me?” He knew that he was not going to be able to deliver himself. He thanked God for Jesus Christ who is the hope of redemption, Jesus did what we could not do, so we need to look to Him. The Bible says He is the author and finisher of our faith, and I would just encourage anyone that is seeing their need to clothe themselves and let His mind be in them. Look to Jesus. That's why He died for us, to recreate us into His image. That is the plan of salvation.

When Susan was a young wife, she didn't give the idea of submission much weight. But when she and her husband got serious about following Jesus, she took another look at the subject. In part four of our series, Refined as Silver, Susan talks with us about this very touchy topic.

Resources

• When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart (Book) by Kathy Gallagher