For a special Thanksgiving episode of Purity for Life, many of our staff contributed short testimonies of how the Lord helped free them from life-dominating sin during their time in the residential program. We have two of those for you today. Michael talks about how God freed him from anxiety and fear, and Luke shares how he was freed from the bondage of sexual sin.

Michael: I would say in 2012, shortly after my sin came into the light, I entered into a season of just a lot of darkness, fear, anxiety, torment. During this season, I was enrolled in community college and I remember just progressively getting worse and it being harder and harder to focus. I couldn't remember what the professor said. I would get in my car and drive home and would go to my bedroom and just lay down on the floor and basically have a panic attack. All I could remember saying inside was Lord, have mercy on me, just have mercy on me. The predominant thought that plagued me was I'm going to end up in a psych ward and die and wake up in hell. I couldn't escape that reality. The fear just kept growing, anxiety just kept growing with that. Eventually I got put on antidepressants and I remember sitting in my car outside of the college I was attending and having the same thoughts, the same tormenting thoughts, blasphemous thoughts, a fear that I committed the unpardonable sin and just feeling numb. And that was worse than the feelings of anxiety and fear.

    So not too long after that, I was enrolled in the Residential Program. And during my time in the program, my counselor just had me getting in the word, had me praying for other people and making gratitude lists. The Lord really used that to get my focus off myself; I didn't realize how full of myself I was and how full of unbelief I was. And that the answer was to get my eyes on Jesus. The Lord to used those 3 things during my time in the program to really get my eyes on the Lord and to get a sight of him and began putting faith in me and I got to the point where I was able to come off my medication—I didn't need it anymore. And when I graduated from the Residential Program I went home to visit for a week or so. And during this time, I remember having this kind of fear come on me, and the enemy saying you're just going to go back to the fear and anxiety, you're going to go back to the panic attacks. And the Holy Spirit just told me, no I've set you free from that you don't ever have to go back to that. And from that point on, I just knew that the Lord had completely set me free. I wasn't going to have a panic attack anymore. I was going to go back to that fear and that anxiety. And I know that the Lord used all of those things and ultimately just getting my eyes on Jesus to set me free and I will be forever grateful for that.

Luke: Prior to coming to the Residential Program in 2015, I was living a double life. Good, godly Christian exterior in many ways, active in my church and all that. But on the side, behind the scenes, there was a whole secret life of sexual sin. And that life just permeated my inside being with a lot of fear, a lot of anxiety, always trying to lie and cover up things... and shame... the things that I was involved with were just so dark and evil, it was very shameful. And then there was the discouragement that just goes along with constantly living in defeat because I knew it was wrong. And when I came here to the Residential Program is where the Lord started to deal with my heart. I realized that sexual sin wasn't really the issue. I needed like a relationship with God that I thought I had but evidently was just absent because what God started to do was reveal the heart behind all these good works that I was propping my life up with. It's like I built a house that was built on nothing but self-righteousness and pride. And when the Lord revealed that to me and my house started to crumble, I realized that I wasn't nearly as good as I thought I was. And now I was in a much more desperate and serious state to seek the Lord and cry out for help. And in that desperation is when I began to cry out to the Lord because I knew that if anyone was going to help me in this situation it had to be God.

    I was battling with a lot of thoughts of immorality, pornographic images, darkness; I got very desperate and cried out to the Lord for help. And, and one of those times where I was just really battling, I got very sick physically , actually. I had like an experience where I was vomiting, basically dry heaving. And a drop of blood came out after I had vomited. And it was like the Lord spoke to me at that moment, Luke, you will not be able to get through this without my blood. And it was at that point that I really began to appreciate God's love, appreciate his sacrifice, the Cross, what it really meant for me personally. At one point I just remember crying out to him as I was overrun with lust and images and pornographic images. And I just cried out to the Lord for help and he was there, and the images left. And in that whole time, I also realized how much more powerful God was then my sin. Because, not only was the blood sufficient to cover my sin, but it was also more powerful than the enemy and it became very clear to me that God is much more powerful than my sin. And now, you know, I'm so grateful that I'm not in that same bondage, that I'm not in that same turmoil that I was; the fear and the shame of living a double life is gone. And it's a beautiful thing to be free from the bondage of that sexual sin. And I'm so grateful that the Lord... not only did he free me from the sin, but he is still here and able to help me even today with my struggles. So as I continue to learn to walk in an increased poverty of spirit and learn to walk in humility, the Lord meets me every time and I'm really grateful that he is an ever present help in time of need.

Raising kids takes a tremendous amount of time and energy. And to do it well, and to foster spiritual growth in a child's life, requires the right mindset. So we have Mark Shaw back with us to discuss what the components of a good parenting mindset are that will help to plant the seeds for a good spiritual harvest in your child's life.

It's vital to safeguard a child from the virus of sexual sin infecting our culture. So this week, we focus on how the atmosphere of our homes plays a significant part in protecting our kids spiritually. We speak with one Pure Life graduate and his wife about how they are creating a sanctuary to the Lord in their home and what the impact has been in their children’s lives.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Today's episode focuses around the importance of gratitude in our lives. Nate sits down with Pastor Ed Buch and Jordan Yoshimine to discuss topics centered around the theme of gratitude from the Bible. You'll also hear from a number of men and women who have seen God's goodness firsthand through His mercy in their own lives.

Lust is a powerful driving force in the life of any person, and especially in those who battle with sexual addiction. It would seem as though the promise of never stumbling found in 2 Peter, is an unreachable ambition. In this message, Pastor Steve seeks to make real to us the reality of this very great promise and remind us of the conditions that come with that promise.

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It's vital to safeguard a child from the virus of sexual sin infecting our culture. So this week, we focus on how the atmosphere of our homes plays a significant part in protecting our kids spiritually. We speak with one Pure Life graduate and his wife about how they are creating a sanctuary to the Lord in their home and what the impact has been in their children’s lives.

One of our main goals as staff is to create a godly atmosphere on our 45 acre property in Northern Kentucky that allows the men in our residential program to come and meet with Jesus. They work during their time here to support themselves financially, and at the end of a hard day, they need to be able to come to a place that is clean, free of sensuality and worldliness and focused on making Christ the center.

One of the ways we do this is by excluding entertainment from our students and limiting and strictly guarding it in our own lives as staff. But we also seek the Lord’s spiritual protection. Hours are spent every week bathing the ministry in prayer and asking God to be the leader of this ministry and not men.

Recently as part of our parenting series on Purity for Life, we discussed some of the benefits this atmosphere has in the lives of our students with senior counselor Ken Larkin. If you are considering coming to our residential program, then I hope what he has to say will convince you that part of why you are more likely to find freedom here than by staying at home is because of the spiritual atmosphere provided here.

Nate: Ken, you've been at Pure Life for about 15 years now and things have come, and things have gone, as far as the particulars of the community that we have here and the culture of our community. But what I want to talk with you about today is some of the things that we do to foster a godly atmosphere at Pure Life’s Residential Program. We can use the phrase "godly atmosphere" easily because we know what that means, but I want to give people some concrete examples of what we mean by Godly atmosphere. First off I'd just like to ask you, what is it like for you personally, to live in the presence of the Lord like we do here a Pure Life.

Ken: I would say, Nate, it's awesome, you know, to live in this environment, it's such a blessing because this place is bathed prayer and we focus on the Word of God. And it provides an atmosphere that's conducive to seeking the Lord. And with that, you know, the fear of the Lord is in the atmosphere, there's a natural conviction for sin, but also with that, unity in the community and mutual love and support. It fosters you know, the idea of wanting to live in the light, encouraging you to live in the light and repent when you fall short. The other thing that’s a real blessing with this atmosphere is it's a sanctuary where you... you're free from the contamination of the world, from all the worldly influences; you can just come home and be at rest.

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Nate: One thing I've often talked about living out at peaceful Lane is you go out into the world and you're fighting, but then you come home and there's peace. The battle is like removed in a sense because there's not internet at the house. There's not t.v. and radio and all of these worldly atmospheres that you're having to fight against what they're trying to tell you and the atmosphere they want to bring into the house. So it's like a clean environment to come home to.

I want to approach the next question from a couple angles because when you're establishing a godly atmosphere, I think there's 2 parts of it. Number one is there are very practical things that have to be established. And then there's also the spiritual motivations. Patrick and I, when we were talking about this, what we didn't want to communicate is that it's just all about rules. Like now suddenly I've got to have this prison-like atmosphere at home in order for it to be a “godly atmosphere.” From your perspective, what is the heart? What's the motivation behind making this place a clean, spiritual, godly atmosphere for the students?

Ken: Well, if nothing else, it provides an environment where they can get the help they need. Like I said before, it’s the idea of an atmosphere where you feel safe to bring all your stuff out into the open. And we provide an atmosphere that's conducive to seeking the Lord and fostering a relationship with the Lord that's so hard when you're living out in the world when you're already in bondage to sin and you're trying to come out of that.

Nate: So it's really... the motivation, then, is all about helping. Is it ever hard to explain to a counselee “we're doing this for your own good, we're not just trying to beat up on you or punish you; we're trying to help.”?

Ken: Yeah for sure, because any time limitations are put on someone's flesh, and they are used to having their own way, suddenly there's an all-out war against that. So, you know, dispelling the lie of the enemy—that what you're giving up is the real important thing—and realizing that what you're going to gain in your relationship with Christ is infinitely greater than anything you have to give up to have that relationship.

Nate: Yeah, Yeah, that's good. What would you say are the benefits for our students? Like, what do you see developing in our students' lives and their hearts?

Ken: I would say 1st of all just a true knowledge of God is developed within them. They develop personal convictions of what's right and wrong. So they're not gaining that from their culture or even what someone else says. And that conviction as part of their faith will give them the strength to live out what they believe in. It's not someone else's faith now, but this is my faith that I can live out in this culture.

Nate: I mean, Pastor Steve has told us, even on staff, time and time again, that discernment about things is developed as you separate yourself from them, not as you indulge in them.

Ken: Yeah, there has to be an alternative because otherwise they're left to our culture and even worldly, church-minded people that really don't live any different from the culture around us.

Nate: We run a Residential Program and so there are certain things that have to be in place here that you couldn't recreate at home. How do you try to impart to people that the core ideas of separation from the world isn't about a program, but it's about living true Christianity?

Ken: Whether you're in a program or at home, you still need to learn to separate yourself from the world, to avoid ungodly media, too much screen time in general; whether it's music, whether it's sports, entertainment, movies. And have that family altar, you know. The parents should be modeling the fact that they prioritize their own relationship with the Lord. Spending quality time in the Word and prayer, making it part of the family culture that they go to meetings together, go to church together, maybe have a family altar where they can do something simple—especially younger children—at least expose them to the Word of God and prayer.

Nate: None of us should ever put something on other people that we're not willing to do ourselves. At least the principle behind it, like you were saying; none of us should say, "well, you can't watch those movies, but I can." That doesn't, that doesn't make any sense... but it is true to some extent. There are certain things a kid can't do that an adult can do. But it shouldn't be this thing of, "I have the liberty to indulge myself in the world, but you can't because you're a Kid."

Ken: Yeah, the consecration level doesn't change, though the content may change.

Nate: Yeah, that's good. That's what we have to do as, as staff, there are things that we would do, for instance, we only allow the students to go to Wal-Mart once a week, well I might go through or 4 times. But that doesn't mean that the spirit, then, is just I do whatever I want whenever I want because I can.

We’ve had many parents ask us, “What can I do to help my child overcome sexual sin?” But this question begs a deeper one: what is the role of a parent? To help us answer this, we sit down with biblical counselor Mark Shaw who reflects on two decades of counseling and raising four children of his own.

In this interview, biblical counselor Mark Shaw sits down with Nate to discuss the biblical role of a parent. He also shares how this impacts the way parents should seek to disciple a child caught in addiction. (From #410 For Parents: What is Your Biblical Role)

Nate: So Mark, you've been a biblical counselor for twenty years, and I'm sure in that time, you've had to help parents with issues they're dealing with in their kids' lives. That means you have to help them to fulfill their God-given role. But that makes me wonder, how many parents even have a clear understanding of the role that they're supposed to have in their children's lives. So, if you were talking to a parent that didn't know what their biblical role was, what would you say to them?

Mark: The first thing I think you would want to make clear to them is that the parents are really the first responders. They're the ones that God has made responsible for raising their children. He didn't give that duty to the church. Now the church can come in and help, but the parents are responsible for their children's spiritual condition. And you see that in the Shema, in Deuteronomy 6 and Ephesians 6 is another place where you see that in Scripture. Parents often think that schools are going to teach their children with education and that the church is going to teach their children when it comes to spirituality, but really they are both meant to be supplemental. The parents really are responsible for the education of their children and the spiritual growth of their children. So I think parents have to first start out and acknowledge the need to be actively engaged and involved in what's going on in their kids' lives because they will be held responsible before God for the way they parent.

Nate: In a perfect world, a parent would be able to completely eliminate any possibility that their child would be exposed to pornography or some other kind of sexual sin. But unfortunately in our world, that's just not possible. The statistics tell us it's going to happen at some point. If a child were to come and say, "I saw something," or, "I did something." You know and they're just weighed down with shame and guilt. How should a parent handle that initial confession of sin?

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Mark: I mean, it's been my experience that most parents typically don't handle it well. It can be shocking, it can be devastating, it can bring forth a lot of emotions. But it is a reality. I mean it used to be difficult to find a pornographic magazine. You had to work hard to do that, but these days, you could even find it on a can of green beans! There's pornographic images everywhere. So, the first thing you know in the home and even in the church, we need to not be so weird about sex and make it such an odd topic to not talk about it. I mean if we're not talking about it in the church, we know the world's talking about it. So a kid will be exposed and we need to be open and talk about it and talk about God's design for it. He designed our bodies to desire sex and pleasure, and it's good within His boundaries and context and it's outside of that where the guilt the shame enters in. And because their child has been engaging in some form of sexual behavior outside of those boundaries, they are likely feeling some of those things. And usually, the kid doesn't come forward. Usually a parent will catch them or whatever. So the reaction there has to be one of love and acceptance, of transparency, and that kind of thing. Yes there will be discipline, but not punishment. They need to have a mindset to say, "Hey let's tackle this together. Let's work on this together." I see it as the parent coming in and entering into the problem with the kid saying, "Hey, I'm willing to get involved and help you." Kids are afraid they're going to get restricted from their phone and all that and yes, there may be some restrictions that come, but if a parent can talk about it from the standpoint of discipline and not punishment, they won't be as likely to lose their kid. I think you lose a kid when you come down hard on them in punishment. And then you need to talk about the motivation and the why behind it. You know, why we do this and explaining that God has a better way revealed in His Word. So I think parents can help their kids to see it as something to save, that it's special, it's sacred, to save it for the spouse that God is going to give them. To help them see it as something they and their spouse can enjoy together. You know that's where parents can go with that without being so shocked and devastated. Like we said before, it's everywhere. We have a highly sexualized culture that kids are going to be influenced by. They're just going to be.

Nate: All right so let's wrap this up. I just want you to have a chance to talk to a parent whose kid, honestly, is already a long ways down the wrong road. What would you say to a parent who's in that situation?

Mark: I think parents are going to have to be radical. It's radical amputation. They're going to have to put restrictions in place, take the phone away. Restrict a kid's time and really evaluate their lives. There are going to have to be a lot of changes that will have to take place - not just in the kid's life, but in the whole family, maybe even cut cable TV. You know whatever you have to do, maybe put passwords on things that are PG-13 or whatever. Parents are going to have to get involved and maybe make some sacrifices themselves. They will need to create a, maybe even a Pure Life Ministries atmosphere in their own homes to help their kids get focused back on Christ.

Raising children in today’s culture brings parents face to face with unprecedented challenges. Sexually suggestive content is nearly everywhere we look, making it almost impossible to perfectly preserve the innocence of young children. Over the next five weeks we want to, as best we can, offer help for anyone who has seen their child fall victim to the snares of sexual sin.

We’ll look at the biblical role of a parent and how to respond the right way if your child has been in sin and how to walk with them through the process of repentance. Our first episode begins by looking at the reality of the world our children are growing up in and what the effects are of growing up in a lust-driven culture.

Brokenness isn't something that's talked about much anymore, but it is essential for true restoration and healing. It is the mark of every heart that has had a true sight of the Cross and of the mercy of God in their lives. In this interview from our archives, Mike Johnston discusses with Jeff Colon about the importance of poverty of spirit and what true brokenness looks like.

Mike: Jeff, it's great to see you again thanks for coming in.

Jeff: Thanks, Mike; it's good to see you.

Mike: Jeff, as we continue our discussions in i: the root of sin exposed, we want to talk today about poverty of spirit, and let me just begin by asking this question: how critical is poverty of spirit in the life of a believer?

Jeff: Well Mike without poverty of spirit our Christian walk is founded on sand because this really is the first thing in the process that God needs to do in our lives. I could say it this way: it's the foundation, really, that everything else rests upon.

Mike: Well it is the opposite of pride, of course, and we deal with pride constantly as we work with men coming out of sexual sin. But really that's just the natural human condition for everybody; we're by nature prideful. How do we begin to come into a poverty of spirit which is, as you said, the foundation even of our very salvation?

Jeff: Well if we define poverty of spirit it really is just when we come to an end of our self and come into the reality that my situation is helpless; there's nothing I can do to save myself. And, really, only the Holy Spirit can make that real to us. Jesus said, “When the Spirit comes, he will convict the world of sin,” and that really is what happens initially when the Holy Spirit impresses that upon someone's heart. Whether we're praying for that person or God just intervenes in their life, and they come into the reality that “I am lost; there is no hope for me; I have nothing but the mercy of God to help me.”

Mike: You know, Jeff, there are many people who I wouldn't necessarily classify as a believer, a follower of Christ, someone who's truly been converted, but surely they have some sense that they are needful, that things aren't going well for them, that they see things wrong inside of themselves; but that in and of itself really isn't enough to enter into the kingdom of God. What else is required?

Jeff: Well I think about my own testimony: I remember when I, myself, came to that place when I was bound by drugs and sexual sin and God had intervened in my life. I knew my life was out of control, I knew I needed help, and I remember going to church with my sister. I remember as I look back at that time, I saw my need, but I wasn't ready to relinquish my life in this world or the things of this world; my self-will wasn't broken. I wanted help but I still wanted my life as I knew it, and that's not what true brokenness consists of.

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Mike: I would imagine as I could say was true for me, was true for you also, that even though you saw those things in your life that, if you were to see some other people around you, you could probably find others that you thought, maybe you were a little bit better than them, and maybe that gave you some sense of hope. I know we hear people all the time saying, “well I think I'm going to make it into the kingdom of God because after all you know I'm not as bad as this person or that person.” Jesus had something to say about seeing our need that way.

Jeff: That's true Mike, it really is tragic. I know from my own life… I went on for years thinking I had really come to God, but really, I came with more of a worldly sorrow. Yeah, I was tired of my circumstances, but like you just said, I wasn't that bad of a guy, I just had some issues in my life that were causing it all. What I think about is the example that Jesus gives us where the 2 men go up to the temple to pray, and one goes up and all he does is share his accolades of all he has done for God: he tithes, he goes to church regularly, and he's really a devout man and sees himself, probably, as an asset to God. But this other man can't even lift his eyes to God; all he can do is beat his breast and cry out “God have mercy on me, a sinner.” It's obvious when you look at these 2 men: one was in the utter reality of his desperate need for God; he was a sinner—he didn't just have some issues in his life—he was a sinner through and through, and he understood that his only hope was “God, have mercy on me.” When in contrast, the Pharisee saw his good works and justified himself before God.

Mike: You know as we look at that example that Jesus gave us in the context of the modern church that pharisee would have been seen as an outstanding church member.

Jeff: Yeah absolutely and we all can put on an outward form, but God is more interested in what's going on in the heart.

Mike: But you know the flip side of that is you take that person who is truly broken and stick him in too many, unfortunately, churches today and the 1st thing people are going to want to do is rush up to him and try to encourage him not to see himself that way.

Jeff: Yes that’s true; we almost don't want people to feel bad about their sin anymore, but that really is a precursor to coming to the Lord in a real way and really coming into true salvation. Unless that happens, we're never going to understand the realities of the Cross and the mercy that God has had on us; in that state, really, the whole blessed thing about it is we look up and realize there is mercy.

Mike: Well that is the blessedness of poverty of spirit.

Jeff: It is, you know, it's not a morbid, horrible thing that... I'm just in this state of seeing my sin and bemoaning what I'm like, but in that reality, I realize there is hope that Jesus died for that and he's willing to take my wretchedness upon Himself and I can be forgiven, that is the blessedness of poverty.

Mike: You know I look at the men that come into our Residential Program, Jeff, and you just watch this happen for them—I can say it's part of my testimony; a part of yours—for the 1st time in their lives, they really get a sense of how desperately needy they are for a Savior, and I can say for the 1st time in my life how beautiful he appeared through the lens of that need. So if you don't have that sense of need you're never going to see Jesus as He really is.

Jeff: It's so true Mike. The reality of the cross will never be unveiled to the person who hasn't come to the sight of his utter wretchedness and need for God. I know for myself that's when the cross became everything to me.

Mike: Well, Jeff, no doubt there may be some people listening today who, if they really evaluated their relationship with the Lord, they would have to acknowledge that they've never had that experience of really being broken and seeing that deep need. What should they do to have that?

Jeff: Well, Mike we can't see it on our own as I said when we started; we need the Holy Spirit to really make that real, but if we're sincere, and we want that kind of brokenness, I'll encourage guys sometimes pray over Psalm 51. Ask God to make those words that David prayed when he was broken and in sight of his need, “make that real to me Lord; God help me; Lord I want to be broken, God I want to see my heart the way you see it.” If we cry out to God like that, he's going to answer that prayer, he's going to help us by His Holy Spirit to see what we need to see about ourselves.

Mike: That is our testimony; he's done that for us, and we can surely sit here and say it wasn't us, it was the Lord who did it for us and that's his heart—Praise the Lord. Well, Jeff thank you so much for talking to us today about poverty of spirit.

Jeff: Thanks Mike.

After years of living an outwardly good Christian life, Lyndell’s faith had crumbled, leaving her wide open to the devil’s lies. One personal tragedy after another breathed despair into her very soul, and she began searching for comfort in the place she swore she would never go: adultery. If you haven’t listened to part one of her story already, first check out episode #407.

This week, she recounts her journey back to God along the road of repentance. It wasn’t easy, but God faithfully taught her where she went wrong, and showed her that He can make all things work for the good of those who love Him. You can find Lyndell’s book by visiting amazon.com. Just search for Confessions of an Adulterous Christian Woman.

If you are a woman who is struggling with sexual sin in any form, we would encourage you to check out our Overcomers-At-Home Program where you can receive counseling to help you break free from the bonds of sexual addiction. Just go to purelifeministries.org to find out more information. You’ll also find all our teaching materials there, including Create in Me a Pure Heart by Kathy Gallagher.

Purity for Life is a production of Pure Life Ministries.