In Luke 15, we see a picture of God as a father, longing and waiting for His lost son to return home. We can picture many wives in a similar place, having spent months, or years, or decades with a similar longing and desire for their husbands to repent of their sexual sin and return to Jesus. But unlike the Lord, who does not grow weary or anxious in the waiting and suffering, we can quickly respond in wrong ways. And maybe that’s where some of you are at today. You've been praying for your husband to change for a long time, but he’s still in the far country, and you don’t see any signs of repentance. It can be tempting to listen to the voice that’s telling you to give up. And though today's episode can't give you the answers for your exact situation, we do believe that it will give you hope.

Resources

• When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart (Book) by Kathy Gallagher
• Why is God Allowing Me to Suffer? (Part 1) (Short Video) by Kathy Gallagher

My colleague and I were at the end of a long week. Our time at the conference had been productive; book sales were decent, and we had been able to share information about the work of Pure Life Ministries with several hundred Christian counselors. It was now time to begin our 10 hour drive back to the Ministry’s campus in Kentucky.

As we re-packed our display and boxed up the remaining books, a young man—maybe mid-twenties—walked into the room. I recognized him immediately. He’d been singing back-up vocals with the worship team all week. He glanced at the empty floor space where another ministry, well-known for their services to those struggling with homosexuality, had been positioned. But they had packed it in a little early and were long gone.

Having already mustered all the courage he could summon for the occasion, the young man would not be denied so easily. He shifted direction and headed to our table.

“Do you have anything for homosexuality?” he blurted out; asking what is probably the most common question I hear in my travels. He took a step backward as I put a copy of At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry into his hands. His nerves were starting to get the best of him, and skepticism clouded his face as he flipped the pages and quickly scanned the text on the back cover.

I’ve seen that look countless times. This distressed young man wasn’t expecting a book that addressed sexual sin; he wanted something dealing specifically and solely with homosexuality. That’s what the counseling field had taught him to expect. Same-sex attraction, as far as he and countless “experts” are concerned, is a “special class” of sexual behavior, needing its own ministries, its own resources and its own counseling strategies.

The truth is, virtually every desperate soul the Lord brings to Pure Life Ministries for help sees his or her situation as “special” at some level, regardless of individual background. And that certainly includes the men enrolled in our Residential Program from a homosexual background (which, at any given time, comprises 25-40% of our residential population). While expecting “special” treatment may sound inconsequential, let me assure you it is a major barrier that must be overcome before the Lord can begin the work He needs to do.

Naaman’s Special Path

Perhaps the story of Naaman’s leprosy will help to explain what I mean. Naaman, the victorious commander of the Syrian army, is described as a “great and honorable man…a mighty man of valor.” (2 Kings 5:1ff) But he was also a leper. Upon hearing that there was a prophet in Israel who could heal his leprosy, Naaman quickly set out for Israel, taking with him a persuasive letter from his king as well as gifts of gold, silver and apparel to pay for his healing. The healing was obviously worth a great deal to him.

You probably know the story: the prophet Elisha is not overly impressed with Naaman’s rank or wealth, and sends a messenger to the door with a simple directive, telling Naaman to go and wash in the Jordan River seven times and he will be healed. Naaman, however, responds indignantly: “Indeed, I said to myself, ‘He will surely come out to me, and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, and wave his hand over the place, and heal the leprosy.’ Are not the…rivers of Damascus better than all the waters of Israel? Could I not wash in them and be clean?” So he turned and went away…

Like Naaman, we want help with our sexual leprosy, but we have a pretty specific idea of what the healing process should look like. And we certainly have numerous reasons why it isn’t necessary to go take a bath in the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program; we’ve got plenty of more potable options for help right where we are. When it comes to getting help with homosexual sin, too many turn away, just as Naaman did.

Eventually Naaman’s desperation led him to yield to the instruction he had received, and he experienced a miraculous healing. In the same way, the Lord uses a sexual sin addiction to bring men to the point of desperation, some to the point where they will drop everything and come to a residential program in Kentucky.

{{blog-si="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Your Special Path

Once here, our approach to helping each one is the same. But God deals with every individual in a “special” way. Let me explain.

In the first chapter of At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, Steve Gallagher describes sexual sin as fundamentally a worship problem:

Every human has the capacity - no, the need –to worship. The objects of that worship are the things or persons (or ideas) which have taken preeminence in the person’s life. Whatever they may be, they cast a looming shadow over all of the other aspects of his (or her) life.

In this excerpt, Steve is talking about the human heart, the center where our affections and desires reside. God requires His people to love Him with all our heart. (Deuteronomy 6:5) For those who resist and pursue sexual idols, the Lord mercifully does what Paul describes in Romans 1:24-25, “Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator…”

The more a true son resists, the further into idolatry and sin the Lord will allow him to go, as vividly described in the rest of Romans 1. The hope is that one day, the prodigal will “come to his senses,” become sick of eating the same food as the swine, and return broken and repentant to his heavenly Father. (Luke 15:11-24)

Many given over to same-sex attraction have traveled far from the Father, at least in their hearts. The shame, guilt, and embarrassment associated with same-sex attraction only make the road back longer and more difficult. And to return to the Father, one must face contradictory messages from the culture, and even the Christian community, that same-sex attraction is different or not sin at all.

But the road back is still the same road...for every sinner, same-sex attraction or not, sexual sin or not. As far as we are concerned, the road back begins at the Cross and with a real, life-changing encounter with God. Our job is to lovingly lead prodigals to the Cross, encourage them to turn and begin the trip home, and to prayerfully bear them each step of that upward journey out of the far country.

While our approach to helping everyone is the same, let me assure you, that the Lord does indeed have a “special” way of convincing and encouraging each of His sons on this journey. Only He knows what each of His children really need, and He is faithful to provide it.

I explained these things to the young man who approached our book table asking for help to overcome his homosexuality. I gave him my personal testimony of how the Lord had delivered me, not from the orientation, but from the compulsive need to cater to it. I told him that I couldn’t have done it with just a book; I needed the prayers, the encouragement and the loving confrontation I received through the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program. I told him there was hope! I told him that, depending on how much sin he had indulged in and how long he’d been in it, the road to freedom would be long and difficult. Nevertheless, it was absolutely worth the battle! There is nothing more fulfilling than living in the freedom of an intimate relationship with Jesus, devoid of all the shame and hypocrisy of my former life.

Are you like Naaman? Are you determining your path to freedom or allowing God to direct it? I implore you that He knows what you need. And He does have a special path of freedom laid out for you. Take the first step. It’s time to experience freedom and new life in Christ Jesus for yourself!

When a wildfire burns a forest to the ground, it seems as if its life and beauty has been forever destroyed. But this is not the end of the story. In time, a lush new forest will replace the devastation. When the fire of lust is let loose in a marriage, all that is beautiful seems to turn to ash and death. But this too, is not the end of the story. When a husband truly repents and turns to God, and when a wife learns to forgive and trust, the seeds of a wonderful marriage are there waiting. It’s only a matter of time until all that was destroyed will be swallowed up in new life.

Resources

• When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart (Book) by Kathy Gallagher
• How Do I Deal with these Emotions? (Short Video) by Kathy Gallagher

In this segment, Nate Danser looks at the story of Job to make sense of how God can use suffering in our lives to reveal His love, to humble us and reveal his wonderful salvation. (From Podcast Episode #457 - Answers for When Your Husband is Repentant)

Recently I came across the verse “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 119 :67). Reading this made me think of one of my favorite passages in the Old Testament that’s very personal to me, Job 33. I'd like to read some of it to you, and then make some comments. Most of you probably know the story of Job. It starts off with something that’s almost a game in Heaven. God and Satan are there, and God says, “Look at my servant Job, He's amazing.” And Satan says, “Well, just test him and you're going to find out what's really in him.” And so, God gives Satan nearly free reign over Job. The only thing that Satan can't do to Job is literally kill him.

For 30 chapters or so, Job essentially defends his innocence. The biggest thing he communicates is, “I didn't deserve this, and if God would just give me an audience with him, I would show him that I'm right.” Job cried out, “Why won't He just come down and let me tell him that I'm right?” And then his three friends basically say to Job, “It's impossible that you're right. God would never treat a righteous person like this. So, there must be something wrong. You're either totally lying to yourself, you’re totally lying to us, or you're just completely deceived!” Then Job essentially responds, “No, there's no way I've never done anything wrong. I've done everything right.” Then, the last one to speak to Job was Elihu. He's a young man, and he takes Job to task. He's angry with Job because Job justified himself, rather than God. And he's angry with his three friends because they could not prove what Jobs real issue was.

Then Elihu speaks to Job, and once again, I’m going to read to you a number of verses. It’s very, very beautiful. It has to do with God searching us. I read from the ESV translation. This is Elihu speaking to Job: “You say, ‘I am pure, without transgression; I am clean, and there is no iniquity in me. Behold He finds occasion against me,” (Job 33:9-10) Meaning, Job was basically saying “Look, God finds occasion against me! He counts me as His enemy!” Elihu continues: “He puts my feet in the stocks and watches all my paths” (Verse 11). Does He Job? Does He count you as His enemy?

“Behold, in this you are not right. I will answer you, for God is greater than man. Why do you contend against Him, saying, ‘He will answer none of man’s words?’ For God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it” (Verses 12-14). So up to this point, Job has been saying, “Why won't God just come down and why won't he communicate? Why is He silent?” And Elihu tells him, “He's not silent Job, He's speaking. But you're not hearing.”

“God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men, while they slumber on their beds. Then He opens the ears of men and terrifies them with warnings, that He may turn man aside from his deed and conceal pride from a man. He keeps back his soul from the pit, his life from perishing by the sword” (Verses 14-18). Okay, so what Elihu is talking about here is what God is trying to do. He is trying to remove your pride from you. And at the same time while he does this, He's keeping you from dying.

He's trying to save your soul, because He has to remove from you and from your heart the thing that will ultimately kill you. He will go to great lengths to do it, and He will keep you. Once you die, It's over. That's the end of the story. So, he has to! He's got to do what David said, “You have chastened me severely, but you have not given me over to death” (Psalm 118:18). He's got to go to great lengths with some people to conceal their pride from them, the thing that would kill their soul without killing their body.

“Man is also rebuked with pain on his bed, and with continual strife in his bones, so that his life loathes bread and his appetite the choices food. His flesh is so wasted away that it cannot be seen, and his bones that were not seen stick out. His life draws near the pit and his life to those who bring death” (Verses 19-22). What Elihu is basically going to do here is he's going to show you, “Job, God is not treating you as an enemy. He's loving you.” Elihu is saying, “Everything that you're interpreting as some kind of unjust punishment is not that at all. You are not hearing what God is saying. You're missing the point.”

{{blog-bwalk="/blog-ads-storage"}}

He goes on, “If there be for him an angel, a Mediator, one of the thousand, to declare to man what is right for him and He is merciful to him, and says, ‘Deliver him from going down to the pit; I have found a ransom. Let his flesh become fresh with youth. Let him return to the days of his youthful vigor.’ Then man prays to God and He accepts him. He sees His face with a shout of joy and He restores to man his righteousness” (Verses 23-26). Okay, now don't get caught up and stuck. There’s a lot of stuff in there where we can ask, “What does that mean?” Here's the point of what Elihu is saying to Job: what is God's purpose? He's trying to save him. He wants to save him. That's the end game!

In all of this, everything that you're going through, I promise you, God's end game is to save you.  He's not treating you as an enemy. Many of us, when we came to Pure Life Ministries, we were the enemies. And He treated us not as our sins deserve, but in kindness, in mercy and in love. And sometimes that means a good thrashing. Why? To conceal our pride from us. To bring it out into the open, to expose it to us. So that we see it for what it is and turn away from it. God knows what He's doing. I love this. Isn't this amazing? Because what we see is the anger of God, which we so easily see when we’re in our sin. And it is His anger, but it's a pure anger. It's not like that of man. Man's anger is almost always to destroy, but the purpose of God’s anger is to bring life.

Then listen to this. I love this. It’s so illogical, and that's good for me because I want to be logical. But I need God's logic, not man's logic. It says of Job, “He sings before men and says, ‘I sinned and perverted what is right, and it was not repaid to me. He has redeemed my soul from going down into the pit, and my life shall look upon the light’” (Verses 27-28). What a song that is! Have any of you ever sung that song? “I'm horrible! I sin and I pervert what is right, but God does not repay me. He redeems my soul.” That's a good song. We don't like that song. We want the song that says “I'm good, and God is good. We're buddies and this is great, it’s all going to turn out nice.” That's the song we like. The song that God loves is for us to sing: “I am nothing, I am worthless, I am worse than nothing—and yet God is amazing. He is full of lovingkindness, compassion and tender mercies.” That's the song that God loves.

“Behold, God does all these things twice, three times, with a man.” Why does he do this? “To bring back his soul from the pit, that he may be lighted with the light of life. Pay attention, Job, listen to me; be silent, and I will speak. If you have any words, answer me; speak for I desire to justify you” (Verses 29-33) I desire to justify you. That is the Word of God. He shows us what's wrong with us because He desires to justify us. That's His motive. We don't know things like that, it doesn’t make sense to us. Oftentimes the exposure of the worst parts of us seem like God is desiring to condemn us—and it's not true. He desires to justify us.

At times it just takes real faith, when God shows the worst about us. What do we do with it? Do we shrink back? Do we run away from the light? Or do we draw closer because He is love? In lovingkindness He afflicts us. That’s what we find in Psalm 119. “This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life” (Psalm 119:50).  “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 119:67). “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes” (Psalm 119:71). “I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me” (Psalm 119:75).

So, I encourage you today to go to God in humility. We don't have to drag ourselves like a cowering dog into God's presence. We just come humble because we are who we are, and He is full of love and kindness.

His spiritual downfall probably began by overhearing some traveler discussing the exotic “far country.” Beautiful women, parties and fun were the daily fare of the lucky men who lived there. The more he contemplated that thrilling place, the more life on his father’s farm seemed to be drudgery. Day after day, he daydreamed about what it would be like to go to such a place. Fantasies have a way of gaining strength and momentum, which is why it is always best to stop them when they first appear.

In the beginning, he didn’t seriously consider such a trip; it was simply fun thinking about it. What he didn’t realize was that he was making an age-old mistake: Actions begin with thoughts. If a person thinks long enough about doing something, it is usually only a matter of time before he goes through with it.

Sure enough, one day he announced to his father that he wanted his inheritance so he could leave. “I’m tired of living in this boring place!” he exclaimed. “I want to go somewhere exciting—like the far country!”

His father probably responded with words similar to those found in Proverbs 4: “My son, give attention to my words; keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them. Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the issues of life. Watch the path of your feet. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil. Do not enter the path of the wicked for it is like darkness.” (vss. 14-27)

His wise words fell on deaf ears. Once a backslider has decided to go after his sin, no amount of talk will change his mind. In fact, the most reasonable pleas will often only anger him. “Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs, than a fool in his folly,” the wise man offered. (Proverbs 17:12) Indeed, it is nearly impossible to reason with a prodigal until he is in the pigpen.

Walking Away From God

Now that he had set his heart on sin, the young man couldn’t get away from his father’s house quickly enough. Every step away from the family farm increased his sense of exhilaration. He felt as if an enormous load had been taken off of his back. “I’m free!” he exulted. He had ripped the yoke of obedience and discipline off his neck.

Just as the traveler had promised, the far country was a place where all restraints were removed. His pockets bulging with his inheritance, the Prodigal threw himself into the party life. In the midst of all of the excitement though, he failed to notice that every party took him deeper into the far country and farther from his father’s home.

Eventually, of course, his money ran out, illustrating the fact that “the pleasures of sin last (only) for a season.” Poverty soon overtook him and he ended up in the pigpen where he “came to his senses.” In biblical terms, he repented of his sin and committed himself to return to his father. This was a huge first step, but he was about to learn a painful lesson: every step a person takes away from God must be retraced. The Prodigal had plunged deeply into the “distant country.” He now had to walk all the way home.

The Cost of Wandering

One of the deceptions of sin is that the person can simply repent and return to God afterwards. While it is true that genuine repentance does bring instantaneous forgiveness, also true is the fact that every sin committed bears a price. One of the great consequences of backsliding is that the further you move away from the Lord, the more difficult will be the return. I will illustrate this spiritual law with two stories.

{{blog-bwalk="/blog-ads-storage"}}

My wife and I once spent time counseling a couple who were addicted to spending money. In spite of the fact that they both earned good money, they had racked up $40,000 in debt. In our counseling with them we carefully laid out a reasonable budget which would provide a limited amount of cash and yet would enable them to pay off all of their financial obligations within two years. Unfortunately, they didn’t stick to the plan. By coincidence, we ran into them two years later. How sad to discover that instead of emerging from their pit of debt, they were now $80,000 in the hole!

The second story involves a woman my wife once counseled who was about 75 pounds overweight. Kathy helped her to develop a reasonable diet and an exercise regimen. Had she stuck to this plan, she would have gradually slimmed down, and in the process, become healthier and more energetic. Instead, she grew weary of the restraints and threw herself back into her gluttony. The last time my wife saw her she had gained an additional hundred pounds.

Spending money and eating have obvious outward consequences to be overcome. It is much easier to climb out of $40,000 of debt than $80,000. It is much easier to lose 75 pounds than it is to lose 175 pounds. Although it isn’t as visible, the same fact holds true for those who give over to sexual sin. It is much easier to overcome a two-year masturbation habit than one that has been going on for five years.

Every time a man looks at pornography or gives over to some other form of sexual sin, his mind becomes more polluted, his heart more blackened and his perspectives more distorted. Sin corrupts the soul and its vile touch doesn’t simply disappear when a person repents. Every act of sin takes a person further away from God and leaves a stain upon the heart. That is why it is so important to stop the slide immediately. “Today is the day of salvation!”

The Return Trip

Regardless of the distance a prodigal must travel to return to the place of having a pure heart, he still must make the journey. What other choice does he have? As Peter once said, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.” (John 6:68) The unthinkable alternative would be to remain in the hellish living of the far country. As long as the trip might be, every step must be retraced to the Father’s house.

The Pulpit Commentary captures this truth: “Oh, you who are forsaking Christ, if you be really his, you will have to come back; but no joyous journey will that be for you. No, indeed! It never has been, and never can be. Still blessed be the Lord, who forces you to make it, difficult and hard though it be. It is the hand which was nailed to the cross, and the heart which there was pierced for you, that now wields the scourge which compels you, in sorrow and in shame, to come back to him whom you left.”

One of the encouraging truths that come from the story of the Prodigal Son is that the Lord welcomes the penitent home. Indeed, when He sees the son coming up the steps, He lavishes him with kisses. The fatted calf is slaughtered. The best robe is thrown over his shoulders. There is joy in heaven over his return. But let this ominous truth stop us all from going down that road: every sin has its price.

‍

Maybe you’ve tried everything to break free of porn addiction or some other form of  sexual sin. You’ve tried reading books, listening to podcasts and sermons,  going to support groups and therapy sessions. You really do desire freedom,  but nothing has worked. However, there is one more option: the Pure Life  Ministries Residential Program. Now some people have asked us, “Why is that  any different than all the other options out there?” Our hope is that today’s  episode will answer that question and show you that real, deep and lasting  change is possible.

Show Notes & Resources

Are you interested in learning more about Pure Life's Residential Program? Click here for more information.

1975 was a miserable year for Joe Torre, then first baseman for the New York Mets. It must have seemed like a lifetime since he won the Most Valuable Player award only four years earlier. But that was then and this was now. Perhaps the lowest point of his career came during a game on July 21st, just three days after his 35th birthday. Four times, second baseman Felix Milan singled and each time Joe followed him by hitting into an inning-ending double play.

Torre finished out the year with a paltry .247 batting average and a measly six homeruns. Two years later he hung up his cleats, deciding to try his hand at managing instead. Unfortunately, things didn’t get any better, as the Mets, under Joe’s leadership, won only 40% of their games during the next five years.

But Joe Torre is not a quitter. After a couple of other stints at managing, in 1996 he was offered the helm of the New York Yankees and promptly led them to a world championship in his first season. Eight out of the next nine years the Yanks won their division, including five more appearances in the World Series. Joe’s career had obviously taken a dramatic turn after joining the Yankees.

Are you Living a 'Defeated' Christian Life?

Perhaps you are at a low point in your “career” as a believer. Maybe last week you struck out a number of times in duels with the tempter. Nevertheless, I want to encourage you that you have a long career ahead of you. A bad season does not make a bad career, unless you willingly bury yourself with unbelief or self-pity. No matter how deeply you have fallen, it is not too late to turn things around!

If you are going to halt your long and dreary slide away from God, you must have a pivotal experience that will act as a turning point in your life. Of course, for someone bound up in sexual addiction, this means repentance. This begins with a thorough renunciation of the sin (including the destruction of anything that holds you to that sin, i.e. pornography), asking God to forgive you and making a commitment not to return to it.

No doubt you have done this in the past, but before long you found yourself floundering again. This time will be different, though, because this time you are going to experience real repentance. You see, repentance is a precious gift from God. However, too many people treat His gifts as though they were some trinket found at a flea market. As one preacher said, “Too many people expect million dollar answers to ten cent prayers!”

It is the Lord’s desire to grant you real freedom, as He has for so many others. But the freedom you long for requires you to fight relentlessly for it. Jesus supplied the essential key to this in the Sermon on the Mount:

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:7-11)

He makes two significant points here: 1) The Father greatly desires to grant His gifts to those who are hungry; and 2) Although these gifts are free, they only come as a result of persistent prayer.

People who continue to give over to a sinful habit, especially one that has long since lost its luster, do so because each day is the same as the one before. Life for them has become a drudgery—one monotonous, uninspiring day repetitiously following the next. The answer to getting off this merry-go-round of temporary insanity is to create a special day that will change things forever.

A Day of Asking and Waiting

Friend, if you are in habitual sin, here’s exactly what you should do. Set aside a special day, within two weeks or so, allowing yourself some time to pray over it and build anticipation. You should also inform your wife, pastor and close friends so that they too can be praying for your big day. Of course, the sin must be stopped immediately. If you know that you have a special day coming, you can hold out when the temptations arrive. But even if you falter leading up to your day, you can still make this work.

The second part of the equation is a place to go. If it is the vacationing off-season, I would highly recommend finding a park where you can rent a cabin for the day. If this is not possible, then you might have to stay in a hotel. (If you do this, you must absolutely unplug the TV set when you get there!)

I don’t suggest spending the night—too many potential temptations. Plan on arriving in the morning and leaving late afternoon. Eat supper the evening before and resolve to fast until you return home. You should have about eight hours at your disposal to spend doing Bible studies, praying for loved ones, etc., listening to worship music and most of all, pleading with God to change your heart. At the end of your time, tell the Lord that you are accepting by faith that He has done an important work within your heart.

Admittedly, you may or may not experience emotional feelings during the day. However, DO NOT gauge the success of your venture on how you feel. In fact, don’t be surprised if you are besieged by an onslaught of sexual thoughts during that day and the following days. This means that the enemy is trying to make you feel as though you are no different. How many of your failed attempts at repentance in the past, I wonder, were because you kept falling for the same stereotypical tricks of the devil!

A Life of Claiming and Believing

Re-read the verses listed above (Matthew 7:7-11) over and over, reminding the Lord that He has promised to respond to your prayers. Find other promises in the Scriptures and recite them as well. Claim them by faith. It’s God’s heart to set you free once and for all!

Never, ever express doubt or despair when discussing this with others. Tell people that you believe God has done something significant in your life and you are holding onto it in faith. God’s Word claims victory for His children. Our faith is in His promises, not in practicing some contrived human belief system based on positive thinking. Nevertheless, one’s words do have the capability of influencing one’s faith. If you continually express unbelief, you will find your confidence quickly evaporating.

In the weeks and months that follow, you will find yourself pointing to this 24-hour period as a pinnacle in your history as a believer. You must always see it as the day things turned around for you—your watershed moment and the devil’s Waterloo in your life!

When temptations come across your path now, you will find that you are much more capable of standing in resistance. Not only has the Lord answered your prayers and done a significant work within your heart, but that day is something tangible you can “hang your hat on.” You will also find a strong desire not to lose what you fought for. The tedious succession of one day of defeat after another has been broken! Even if you should cave in to temptation one day, pick yourself right back up again, repent and get back on track.

{{blog-bwalk="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Of course, it should be obvious that, in order to have the power of God consistently at work within your life, you must maintain a solid devotional life. You must also refrain from making any provision for the flesh. You are a new man now. Don’t allow ungodly television to play in your home. Don’t go to places where you know you will be assaulted with sensuous images. Don’t hang around those who are a bad influence upon you, who might entice you back into complacency and sin. These are the types of sensible decisions and tough choices people make who are choosing to walk in victory.

It would have been very easy for Joe Torre to give up on baseball after being fired as the Mets’ manager in 1981. But he decided to fight for what he wanted—that elusive success. As he managed the Braves and Cardinals in the ensuing years, he had his struggles, but he never gave up, and the payoff came. Your day of victory will come as well. Take that first step by faith and set aside a day to turn things around. Then believe God to fulfill His promise to you in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “……old things have passed away; behold, all things become new.”

Anyone who earnestly wants to follow Christ must be wary of a common trap waiting to hinder their walk. That trap is the wisdom of this world. This counterfeit wisdom is seductive, because it caters to our fallen nature. In this episode, we’ll explore some of the dangers of worldly wisdom as it expresses itself in our western context. Then we’ll point you to the only One who is truly wise and the only One who is worthy of our trust.

Resources

• Walking in Truth in a World of Lies (Book) Steve Gallagher

If we carefully read the Gospels and the Book of Acts, we can clearly see that prayer was a huge part of the life of Jesus and the early church. There were times Jesus spent all night in prayer. The apostles spent ten days praying in the upper room, seeking God and waiting for the Holy Spirit. When Peter was in prison, the believers prayed, and the prison doors opened. The believers in Antioch prayed and fasted, leading to the commissioning of Paul and Barnabas for missionary work. There is no mistaking it: God moves in response to prayer, and if we want to do God’s will of mercy, then we must learn to become strong in prayer.

In this segment, Pastor Ed Buch goes into part two of the myths about sexual sin that are common in the church today. He shares insightful truths that can help bring about freedom in the lives of those who’d heed the truth. (from Podcast Episode #316 - Coming Out…of Homosexuality).

Brooks: Pastor Ed, Today I wanted to continue our discussion of Christian myths when it comes to sexual sin. And today we’ll talk more about myths that people sometimes believe about the proper answer concerning the issue of sexual sin. So, let's get right to the first one. I want to first talk about the idea of just containing or controlling sexual sin. This is basically the concept that somebody should just try to keep their sexual sin from getting worse. People believe that this is step closer to getting out of the problem. What would you say to that?

Ed: Well, I would say that that's a lie. Your sexual sin and my sexual sin will not stay contained very well at all. And you’re talking now, Brooks, to someone who has spent a number of years, probably close to 10 years with a secret sexual sin habit of masturbation, fantasy and lust. However, all that did was keep the door wide open for me, so that eventually I was just, in a sense, ripe for the picking and when an opportunity came along for me to engage in an adulterous affair. That's exactly what I did because I had kept that door open all along, thinking that I was just giving over in a certain way, but not going that far. Because I initially wasn’t going into adultery, I thought that somehow I could contain it and I’d never cross those lines.

That phrase right there, “I'll never cross that line,” or some version of that, is a common thought that people in sexual sin hold onto. What they end up realizing is that the circumstances do arise, and will arise, that cause them to cross lines. They never thought they would cross those lines. And this whole lie that “We can contain our sexual sin,” really Brooks, is based on the notion that our lust somehow can actually be satisfied. But that is never what happens with lust. Lust can never be satisfied. We continually lust for more, and over time, in fact, we need more frequent engagement with our sin. If it's some form of sexual sin, such as looking at pornography on the computer, instead of doing it just once a month, now I'm at it once a week, and then it’s once a day, and then I'm spending hours a day on the computer looking at my pornography. That's the progression in terms of the quantity.

However, it's even worse than that because it also requires an increase in the potency of what we're engaging in. So that we move from one form of sin, or pornography, to other types of pornography which often involves some sort of fetish, perversion, or something else. It takes greater and greater quantities, of more and more potent forms of our sin to try and even temporarily satisfy the lust in us.

Brooks: Yes, that’s certainly something we can see in Solomon's life. If you read the book of Ecclesiastes, he certainly didn't seem to ever find a bottom to his desires for more.

Ed: That's right.

Brooks: Well, let's look now at another idea people sometimes have about dealing with sexual sin, and that would be confession. Obviously, confession is in the Bible. It's an important part of dealing with any sin. But in my experience, I spent years confessing sin and then going back to it. So, evidently, they're can sometimes be something wrong with confession alone. What would you say to somebody who might just be confessing their sin?

Ed: Yes. Again, this is one of the common things that people get caught up in, and it leads them into a cycle of hopelessness rather than actual growth out of their sin. We see this a lot from the men who come into our residential program. They've been going for years to alter calls, to accountability partners, to support groups and repeatedly confessing their sin, but their addiction hasn't diminished even in the slightest, as they've gone through that cycle. And that's because confession must be coupled with repentance.

That's the Biblical picture that we see: confession can't stand alone. It needs to be coupled with repentance, and that repentance must really and literally mean a turning away from my sin. So, in Biblical counseling, we often speak in terms of putting off the old sinful way the sexual sin and putting on some new godly behavior in its place. That's what needs to be coupled with the confession. A lifestyle of sexual sin needs to become a sanctified life. We need to learn what it means to walk in the Spirit. Because if we walk in the Spirit, we will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). That's the promise we have in Scripture.

Brooks: Okay, very good. So, we want to see true repentance as a follow up to confession. Can you help us further define what real repentance would look like in somebody's life?

Ed: Well, I can give you a few things off the top of my head. An obvious place to start with repentance is just taking Romans 13 Verse 14, to “Make no provision for my flesh.” So, I need to cut off those things that have been feeding my flesh or my sexual sin. And frequently, if the sin is something sexual, frequently, that's going to look like getting rid of my internet access. Or at the very least, installing some sort of adequate filtering for that connection.

I also may need to think about my television viewing habits, the movies that I have, the catalogs that I have in my house, and anything that I've brought in the front door that really can be used to stir my flesh and get me into a sensual mindset. I need to cleanse my house of those things. I need to do a major house cleaning and get rid of that stuff. That would be an example of putting my repentance in action. That would be part of the “Putting off” that I was talking about earlier.

Hand in hand with that, however, is that you've got to have something that replaces those things in our lives. Biblically, we want to put on habits of daily prayer time and reading the Bible. If I'm married and have children, then having family time. Things like that. I definitely would need to get plugged into a church. And not just any church, but a church where I'm getting solid Biblical teaching, and where I'm able to engage in meaningful fellowship with other growing believers.

Brooks: That really helps to flesh things out a little more on the practical side, so thank you for that.

Ed: Sure.

{{blog-b20="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Brooks: All right. One more myth that I wanted to address regarding dealing with sexual sin in someone's life is the matter of a profession of faith. The myth is that a profession of faith all by itself is enough for someone to feel comfortable about their walk with God, even when they're not yet seeing victory over sexual sin. For a lot of people who come to us, that's their situation. They've been a professing Christian for years and they still haven't seen any change. So, what would you say to someone who feels satisfied that they've just professed to believe in Jesus? Is a profession enough?

Ed: Well, I'm going to say no. It's not enough, Brooks. Because I believe that's what the Bible teaches us: having a profession of faith is a beginning, a first step. But I think there are examples in Scripture, many examples, of people who started well but did not finish well. I think of Paul's second missionary journey, in particular. He undertook that journey because it was on his heart to go back and visit the church that he had founded, and to see how the people were doing. He was very concerned that their profession of faith had somehow withered away in the face of whatever opposition might have come along behind him. He wanted to go back and encourage them in the faith, to help them mature and grow their faith. He wrote to the Thessalonians that he wanted to supply what was lacking in their faith and longed to see them so that he could impart that to them.

I think Peter also spells this out pretty well in the beginning of his second epistle. He says plainly that we must add to our faith. And he goes on to list a number of things. He says to add to our faith, virtue and to virtue, knowledge, to knowledge, self-control. To self-control we’re to add perseverance. To perseverance we must add godliness, and to godliness, brotherly kindness. And then at the pinnacle of all of that there's love (2 Peter 1:5-7). Agape, love, is what God is really after. But we have to add those things to our faith. Faith was just the first step. And Peter even says that we need to be diligent about it (verse 11). This is a lifelong journey of spiritual growth that we've undertaken, while faith and a profession of faith was just the beginning of it.

Brooks: You know, Pastor, I can't help but think at this point about our residential program. Because it seems like so many men discover for the first time that they are finding a real answer to their sexual sin in the program. And I have a sense that it's because there were a lot of things they might have been missing for that answer in their lives before the program. Over the years, what have you discovered to be some of the essential elements that people do find, as being part of the real answer for them, when they come to Pure Life?

Ed: Well, I can probably answer best from my own personal experience. I am a graduate from the program, as of 2004. One of the keys, for sure, that the Lord imparted to me was that repentance was not just a one-time act, but a lifestyle. And somehow my understanding of Christianity hadn't gotten that truth nailed down before Pure Life. I remembered earlier in life going to an altar, making a profession of faith and repenting of my sins. In my mind I had repented, and I was finished repenting. I thought that I probably didn't need to ever revisit repentance. Man, I learned how wrong I was as I read the Bible in a clearer atmosphere, with Biblical counselors to help me and guide me deeper into what God’s Word really says and means. I realized that repentance is a walk. It’s a lifestyle that we must engage in repeatedly and daily.

My Dear Friend,

I want to share some thoughts about what you are going through now that I hope will be a help and a blessing to you.

Before I address the pain you are experiencing, I want to set the stage by pointing out a fundamental difference between men and women.

As you know, a woman’s affections and sex drive are fused together into one passion. For most of us this passion is directed at the man we love. But what many of us don’t realize is that men aren’t wired the same way; that men have a unique ability to utterly divorce their affections from their sex drive.

So this is why it came as quite a shock to you to discover that your husband has been living a double life right under your nose. Outwardly he seems to be sincerely devoted to you, but one day you discovered the terrible truth that he has had—for who knows how long—a completely separate life you have known nothing about. And this hidden existence all revolves around illicit sex involving, at some level, other people.

A Hurricane of Emotions

I know full well that the pain can be overwhelming when a wife first unearths the appalling truth about her husband’s secret life. Her thoughts and emotions swirl around inside her as if in a blender. One moment she is in a rage toward her husband; the next moment she is engulfed in fear and hopelessness; then she goes into a cold numbness. Sorting through these vacillating feelings of betrayal and rejection can be very difficult while in the middle of such a raging storm. No doubt this is what you have experienced.

Not only must you face your husband’s disloyalty, but you must also work your way through those feelings of overwhelming rejection. Facing the unspoken (or sometimes even spoken) accusation that there is something wrong with you is like a punch in the gut. So much of a woman’s sense of value comes from her husband’s admiration and love. To know he is longingly looking at the faces and bodies of other women is a blow to the heart and soul like nothing else. The reality of such a revelation is so huge in its proportions that it can drain the life out of a woman. But you know this all too well, don't you?

You’re Not the Only One

A man’s ability to separate his family life from his sex life has caused more emotional trauma in the female population than perhaps any other crisis a woman can face. It seems to be a common phenomenon across every social, cultural and racial boundary. Actually, it could be traced down through the centuries back to mankind’s earliest days.

For thirty years the wives counselors here at Pure Life Ministries have been hearing these gut-wrenching tales of emotional suffering. Let me tell you about Nicki. One day she accidentally happened upon some adult websites on her husband’s computer. She raced from one site to the next, trying to understand what was going on with him. The whole experience was shocking and humiliating.

"We were so in-love! You made me feel like a million bucks. You said there was no one else in this world you wanted but me. You told me all the time how beautiful I was to you. You had all kinds of sweet and endearing nicknames for me. Our beginning was, I thought, a harbinger of things to come.

"And then I saw the women you go to for your sexual thrills. How can I compete with the perfect bodies of those porn starlets? There was a time I thought I was pretty and desirable to you, now I can’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I feel like I’m a mass of blemishes and imperfections. What is wrong with me? Am I really so ugly that you must sneak around to see pictures of other women?"

Marti is another example I can share with you. She actually had a hand in the downfall of what she thought was going to be a happily-ever-after marriage when she agreed to watch porn with her husband. What followed was a nightmare that seemed would never end.

“He described the women to me: thin, dark skinned, dark haired women, who were about 10-15 years younger than me. I could get a mental picture of him with them. I wish he would have never told me those things. I blamed myself. Why did I let myself gain so much weight? Why didn’t I voice my concerns earlier? The “if onlys” consumed me.

“Had I ever satisfied him or would I be able to now? I would cry every time we were together for a while. I needed to know that I was pleasing him, that I was good enough, pretty enough. I wanted to have plastic surgery to become more attractive. I became completely self-focused.

“Eventually he decided to leave me. My worst fears were coming true. I was going to be alone. As he packed his bags I begged him to stay and work it out. After he left, I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t eat, and couldn’t sleep. I lost about 20 pounds in 3 weeks and my hair began falling out. I wanted to die. I was further humiliated when I had to go and sit in a health clinic to get tested for HIV and STDs.”

Hearing these stories and hundreds just like them have been a painful part of my life for the past 30 years. I don't need to tell you how shocking the sudden and unexpected discovery is that your husband has a secret obsession with other women. It is all part of the betrayal and rejection you and other wives experience who are married to men addicted to pornography and illicit sex.

{{blog-bsecret="/blog-ads-storage"}}

You Feel This Way for Good Reason

A man cannot cut any deeper into a woman’s heart than to take what is so personal and special and give it away to someone else. Sexual intimacy between married couples is the greatest expression of their devotion to each other. Even if the marriage isn’t necessarily great, still, a wife never expects this level of false-heartedness from the one who vowed his love and life to her. It is betrayal at the deepest level.

As I said above, such news can produce emotions that can be all over the place. This kind of inner turmoil can make her feel as if she is losing her mind. Even worse is when a calloused husband takes advantage of his wife’s vulnerability and uses it to his advantage. It seems that this is what you have had to deal with.

It is a lot for a woman to sort through. Margaret is yet another woman I should mention to you. Her inward life was in such turmoil. She describes what she experienced:

“I ordered Kathy Gallagher’s book “When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart.” This was the first resource I had found that offered any hope of comfort for me as the wife of a man struggling with sexual sin. I felt like each page I read described what I had been feeling and thinking & struggling with for many years on my own. It was a great comfort to know that I was not alone and that I was “not crazy” for feeling & thinking so many conflicting thoughts. There were others out there who had experienced the same thing and had turned to God for encouragement & strength when the days seemed the darkest.”

Sometimes just hearing of other women who have experienced similar pain and emotions can make an enormous difference in a hurting wife’s life.

The thing to remember while in the midst of such a storm is that God knows the truth about what you are dealing with and He cares very deeply. My testimony to you is that when I went through this with Steve I learned the secret of really turning to the Lord for solace. I came to know an intimacy with God I had never experienced before.

Let me end by encouraging you not to remain fixated on the painful details. Instead, turn to your Heavenly Father and pour out your heart to Him. He is, after all, “the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.” (2 Corinthians 1:3) I also encourage you to join the Pure Life Wives Program. Those ladies have gone through this ordeal and can be a tremendous blessing to you.

I trust the Lord is going to meet you in a marvelous way in the days ahead!

In Christ's Love,

Kathy Gallagher

The person seeking to overcome sexual addiction will likely find that Satan and his demons have contributed to the establishment of his sinful habits. In this episode, we look at the role that deliverance from these evil spiritual forces plays in gaining freedom from porn. We discuss various aspects of our war against the Enemy, and his various strategies to defeat us. We see that God wants to deliver us, but He is after so much more than just our sexual sin. He wants our whole lives.

Resources

• Two Realms in Opposition (Sermon) by Dustin Renz
• Living in Victory Through the Power of Mercy (Book) by Steve Gallagher