In this interview, Kathy Gallagher teaches wives about the danger of living in fear and how a genuine trust in the Lord is the only way to leave the past behind and have newness of life in a marriage.  (from Podcast Episode #434 - Overcoming Fear When Restoring a Marriage)

‍

Nate: Kathy, you have counseled many wives over the past 30 plus years since co-founding Pure Life Ministries with your husband Steve. You are very familiar with a wide range of issues that come up between a husband and a wife as they're either dealing with the crisis of sexual sin and moving past it. One question wives often ask us is, how can they leave the past behind after their husband has genuinely repented? Usually, he has been walking in the fruit of genuine repentance for quite some time, but the wife is still living in the past and can't seem to progress in the healing of the relationship. What would you say to a woman that is in this place?

Kathy: Well, I would call that she is living, waiting for the next shoe to drop, which is a miserable way to live. Most women have been living like this, because their husbands are going through ups and downs in their fight for freedom. The husband does good for a while, then crashes and the cycle continues. That kind of dynamic can cause a woman to feel like she is never going to be able to be free of the past. A woman in this place will either live waiting for the next shoe to drop or just live in her own fear.
Fear is one of the undealt with issues that a lot of wives carry around in life. I carried it for many years. I was always on guard and inside I was trying to shield myself from any future disappointments that might come. It is a miserable existence, and you can't move forward because you're waiting for disaster to strike, even though he's doing good and he hasn’t given you any reason to believe that anything devastating is going to happen again. The ongoing routine of fear, anger, and bitterness is where women can really get themselves into a lot of trouble.

Nate: Wow, it's almost like a betrayal of self to let it go.

Kathy: Yes. There's a mentality that a lot of women have that if I don't keep my guard up, if I don't keep this flame of fear alive and if I don't keep watch, he's going to hurt me again. It becomes a very defensive and adversarial position for a wife to get into. They don't do it on purpose, it just feels so natural that it’s almost like it just happens to them. They really have to take a step back and look at what is happening to them, because something is definitely happening inside.

Nate: What do you mean?

Kathy: Fear is the most soul rotting thing that a woman can live in. Fear in of itself is a good emotion; it teaches us to run when we're in danger and to genuinely protect ourselves in a helpful way. But to live in fear as though it is going to be a wall of protection from future harm is deceptive. Really, what it does is turn you into a different person. I had to undo who I was becoming as a result of fear, and it was not a pleasant process. It was very painful and there are remnants to this day of fear in me that I have to deal with. Not fear of Steve falling or something of that nature, but just from time to time it attaches itself to me and gets into my pattern of thinking.

{{blog-bsecret="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Nate: It's something that you use to protect yourself and then in the end it ends up controlling you.

Kathy: It’s similar to the biblical principle that says the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. The same thing could be said about fear. It is a root that has 1000 heads. It's like pride in that way and is practically impossible to kill. But you don't quit trying to kill it, you keep after it.

Nate: If he's not giving her evidence that something is imminent, then why is she so afraid?

Kathy: I think it's because she's putting her hope in the wrong place. She wants to have a future and a hope, but the problem is that it is resting on a person, and that is a slippery slope for anyone. For wives that is our issue; we put everything into our marriages. It becomes our life and our world. If he does well, we do well. If he does poorly, we do poorly. If he's up, she’s up. If he's down, she’s down. That's a natural thing in marriage, but a woman who can't move forward even though her husband has moved forward has lost track of where her hope should be. That is an obvious indicator that she is not right with the Lord inside, because no matter what we go through in life, our only hope is Jesus.

Eventually I came to the place where I could live with a man who was shaky and still have a life that wasn't going to blow apart if he blew apart. I had to get my priorities right and I had to realize that Steve was not the foundation of my life, and he was never meant to be. It's difficult for women to get their priorities in the right place, because they place expectations on their husbands to be the foundation in life that only Jesus can be.
It's everything to a wife to have the union, oneness, and sacredness that the marriage covenant is supposed to be. That is how it should be, but in a lot of cases for us wives, it becomes more important than our relationship with Christ. That's why a lot of women struggle, because they put their marriage and the security of it ahead of their walk with the Lord. Many wives think that their walk with God will vastly improve when their marriage improves, but they will come to find out that that is not the truth. I had it so backwards when I thought that if my husband got it together and the marriage was good, then I would grow in my relationship with God. That is not true. If I wasn't putting God first and moving forward spiritually, regardless of what Steve was doing, nothing was happening within me spiritually. I wasn't moving forward with God. I wasn't growing spiritually, and I wasn't trusting God.
When a person is so fixated on the problem, it begins to control their whole life. What inevitably happens, whether it's a man in sexual sin or a woman struggling with horrible fear, is they begin to become a completely different person. If you are a man that is in lust, you will become corrupted the more you give over. Your inside world becomes more and more hollowed out, and you start to become less and less in touch with reality. For a woman in fear, you could potentially become controlling, manipulative, angry, bitter, or even full of wrath. You may become angry at your kids, angry at life or even angry at God. That is ultimately the result when there is a bunch of undealt with stuff inside. That's why I take the issue of fear so seriously when I'm dealing with women, because they have to take care of the root issue.
There is a valid place for the pain, the hurt, and the fear, but it must be reined in.  I would say the same for a guy who is struggling with lust, he needs to rein it in, he can't just let it go, he has to deal with it. If a woman is unable to move forward, often it’s because she is living in fear. She has to start working on overcoming fear just like her husband has to work on overcoming lust. These are both sin issues. Even though the pain and hurt are legitimate for a while, God still expects you to trust in Him with all your heart, to lean not on your own understanding and in all your ways acknowledge Him and know that He will direct your path. That's the truth that a wife has to live in. In confidence and trust you will find rest. Confidence in the Lord and trust in the Lord are things that a wife must develop in her life if she wants to experience freedom.

When a person believes that freedom from sexual sin is impossible for them, it often leads to feelings of despair and hopelessness. We looked at common things inside us that lead to these feelings in our last episode and showed how they prevent us from gaining freedom. This week, we’ll identify five crucial steps that a person must take if they want to walk in true liberty from sin and what it looks like to put those into practice.

Resources

20 Truths: Truth #19 - Faith is the Victory Over Sexual Addiction      (Short Video) by Steve Gallagher

In this interview, Steve Gallagher sits down to talk about the way a spiritual leader lives his life, and how this can either set him up for failure or success in the battle against sexual sin. He discusses practical ways to go about this, so that those in such significant roles know how to protect themselves from the enemy’s schemes. (From Podcast Episode #340 - Why Leaders Fall: A Story and a Conversation)

‍

Brooks: Pastor Steve, it is always a shock to hear about a leader who has fallen. While we live in a culture that has a lot of temptation, it somehow still surprises us when we are tempted. No one is expecting it from their leader especially. Before we get started though, I would like you to clarify for us if this is something that can happen to any Christian, no matter their circumstances.

Pastor Steve: Yes and no. It can happen to any of us, especially in the culture we live in today. So yes, in that sense. But no, in the sense that if you are really walking with the Lord and you are living a spiritually disciplined lifestyle with protective boundaries, there is no reason why you should fall into any kind of sexual sin.

Brooks: Well as we get into this, let's start with the basics of the Christian life, because you mentioned the need for a strong life that is reinforced with different protections. Is there any one area you would highlight as something that leaders need to focus on if they're going to avoid falling into sexual sin.

Pastor Steve: The Apostle Paul said, if we walk in the Spirit, we will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Walking in the Spirit is the key to freedom from sin and I believe walking in the Spirit primarily comes from developing a strong devotional life. It comes from spending time in the Word of God and spending time in meaningful prayer to the Lord. When you're meeting with God every day, you will begin to be lifted up spiritually, above carnality and the World. I'm not saying that a guy with a strong devotional life is exempt from temptation, but it will strengthen you and the most important aspect of living in victory is to have daily devotion with God.

Brooks: I would just assume as somebody who is sitting on the other side of the pulpit, that the pastor or leader that I'm looking up to has a strong devotional life. What have you seen?

Pastor Steve: Well, I saw a poll of pastors not long ago and the average time they were spending in prayer was six minutes. You cannot have a meaningful life in God if you only have a six-minute connection with Him. You must spend time with Him. You have to pour out your heart and you have to care enough about the people in your church to the point that you are interceding on their behalf before the throne of God. That's where power comes from, not from a six-minute prayer time.

Brooks: As someone who is in the ministry yourself, what is one of the dangers that might lead someone in full time ministry into sexual sin?

Pastor Steve: One of the challenges that a pastor faces is that there is a lot of demand on their time. They have people pulling them from every direction. They have meetings they are supposed to go to, sermons to prepare, and Bible studies to lead. There is just so much going on in the life of a typical pastor. I was asked to speak to a pastor's group one time on the subject, “Why do so many pastors fall into sexual sin?” I made a statement during that conference where I said that in all the years that I've been ministering to people in sexual sin, including many pastors, I have never once had to help a Mary, but I have had to help many Marthas.  Part of it is just the nature of the beast. It's hard for pastors, but there's just a place we must come to where we draw the line in mindlessly serving, because our lives in God have to stay intact or we are not going to be any good to anybody.

Brooks: Is there anything else leaders need to watch out for?

Pastor Steve: Well, another real challenge for pastors is discouragement. Ministry can be very discouraging, because you're trying to elevate people's mindsets and motivate them to get their eyes on the things of the Lord. There are a lot of people in churches that are not interested, they want to just come in Sunday morning, make their appearance, and then forget about God the rest of the week and that can be very discouraging for a pastor. Discouragement is one of those human emotions that the enemy is very adept at using to drain a pastor's motivation to keep fighting, and it can be very dangerous.

Brooks: Ideally problems and pressures should drive us to God, but we know that doesn't always happen. What have you found to be the response pattern of people in ministry when they face a lot of pressure and are also facing sexual temptation?

Pastor Steve: It's just in human nature to want to take it easy in the battle. We want to just slump down, because we're tired from working and being stressed out all day dealing with, oftentimes, difficult people. Then there comes this desire to just escape and spend the evening watching television or getting on the internet. If you fall into this place, you can end up taking your mind and heart and handing it over to the enemy for a period of time and this has a very draining effect on your spiritual life. We have to be careful with the way that we live our lives, and the opportunities we give the enemy to get in and drain us of our resolve to walk with God.

{{blog-b20="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Brooks: Going back to that daily life you were mentioning at the start of the interview, that disciplined daily devotion to God. I know you've tried to set that up here at Pure Life for those of us on staff who are ministering here. As you have seen that kind of lifestyle play out here over several decades, what's been the payoff you've seen for the staff who are working in a daily life of ministry?

Pastor Steve: Well, we all have our struggles and failures, but since we're all in the same mindset here at Pure Life Ministries, we can help each other and elevate each other. That's one of the challenges also for pastors, because most of the people in their daily life are people who are under their spiritual authority. They also need people in the ministry that they can fellowship with and have meaningful connection with. Connection with godly people is a real help to you when you're in the ministry, there's no doubt about that. Unfortunately, a lot of pastors don't reach out and they end up being on a little island by themselves and they can just become very vulnerable to the devices of the enemy. The bottom line is that the Lord has given us the tools that we need to live a victorious life and that life with God just has to be something that means enough to us that we are going to fight for it. All I can say is it is worth fighting for, it is worth the struggle, and it is worth maintaining. It means everything to us, it really does.

“I thought that when I got married, this lust problem would go away.”

That thought process is echoed in many of the testimonies of the men who come through Pure Life Ministries. It is not uncommon for people who find themselves in bondage to lust to think that marriage is the solution to their problem. Their logic is simple: “Since I have a sex problem, if I could get into a marital relationship where I can have sex often without guilt or shame, my issue would be solved.” While this line of thinking may seem to be accurate, it is based on a faulty perception of lust.

Many sex addicts incorrectly view their struggle as a sex problem. Those who are single often tend to view marriage as the “easy-button” fix for their issue. Due to the fact that they are unable to satisfy their lust in a healthy way, they assume that, if only they were married, then they could get free. But the truth is that lust isn’t a sex problem; it’s a sin problem. And the only way to conquer sin is through repentance.

{{blog-brse="/blog-ads-storage"}}

Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:27-28: “You have heard it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (NASB) Jesus takes this Old Testament commandment that focused on the outward action of adultery and focuses in on the very root of the issue. See, long before an adulterous act is committed, a person’s heart is already given over to lust. Adultery is only the outward manifestation of the sinful lust of the heart. The same can be said of any type of outward sexual sin. Before sin finds manifestation in someone’s life, it has already taken root in their hearts. In another passage, Jesus repeats this thought when He says, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts--murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” (Matthew 15:19 NIV) The Bible is quite clear: sexual lust is a sin problem, and it is found in a person’s heart.

While marriage may provide an opportunity to have sexual relations without the guilt that accompanies masturbation or fornication, it doesn’t fix heart issues. Unfortunately, many find that truth out the hard way. After the excitement of the wedding and the honeymoon die off, they find that their lust is just as active as before they walked down the aisle. Their fantasy life is still thriving and they long for more than healthy marital relations can offer. They have created an appetite for sexual perversion that will not simply disappear because they have tied the knot. If it were true that marriage was enough to fix the problem, pornography and adulterous affairs would be rare. But as we all know, these issues are all too common in our day. At the heart of lust is covetousness. Rex Andrews described it as, “taking virtue from someone that doesn’t belong to them.” Marital intercourse— which is a blessing from God when it occurs in a pure love relationship—will not satisfy that longing for forbidden fruit in a lustful person’s fantasies.

I fell for this lie myself. After having met my wife, a wonderful Christian woman, I assured myself that my days of bondage to pornography were behind me. But it was not long into the marriage that I found my lust problem had followed me to the altar. No matter how sincere I was when I recited my vows, that commitment alone was not enough to set me free. I wound up wasting many precious years of marriage in secret bondage, unable to escape the misery of sexual addiction.

Modern-day psychologists scoff at the idea of calling sexual addictions sinful, yet there is a liberating aspect of calling sin by its name. The very fact that it is sin means that a way of escape has been provided. I thank God for the power of true repentance and the cross of Christ! It was only the Lord that could accomplish the needed work in my heart, bringing me into freedom. There is hope for those who are in bondage today. That hope cannot be found in a spouse or in a marriage, but it lies in finding true heart repentance. The same power that raised Christ from the dead is available to those who will turn to Jesus with all of their hearts and allow Him to change them from the inside out. I thank God that He is still in the business not only of setting men and women free from sexual sin, but also that He is able to resurrect the marriages that have been affected by it.

This is the beauty of Pure Life Ministries. Through the Residential Program, OCAH, prison ministry and many other avenues, men and women are finding the true freedom they have longed for in a true relationship with Jesus Christ. I can testify that I truly cannot imagine where I would be today if it were not for the process that the Lord brought me through in the residential program of Pure Life Ministries. It was there that the Lord showed me that my only hope was in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! And now I am free to enjoy my marriage the way God intended it to be.

‍

How is it that many find themselves hopelessly bound in their sin when there is a God of tremendous hope offering them the keys to genuine freedom? We’ll help answer that in our next two episodes. Today’s focus is on the common barriers to overcoming sexual sin and the ways these often produce hopelessness in a sex addict’s life. This interview is part of our new and ongoing Ask the Counselor series, where we interview various members of our counseling staff about some of the common questions asked by those in sexual sin.

Resources

• You Have Every Reason to Hope (Sermon) by Steve Gallagher

Since time immemorial the devil has used discouragement to weaken believers’ defenses against the temptation to sin. Discouragement—which can befall the godliest of saints—can easily lead to self-pity. Once a person begins to feel sorry for himself, he becomes easy prey for the enemy. The lives of Asaph and Cain demonstrate two different and opposite ways to respond when things go wrong.

Asaph: An Outward Focus

Asaph, a Levite, was appointed as worship leader by King David because of his great love for God and his ability to lead others into His presence. And yet, Psalm 73 recounts the story of how he became discouraged one day and nearly got himself into real spiritual trouble. “My feet came close to stumbling,” he later confessed, “my steps had almost slipped.” Asaph almost slid into a pit of depression and despair when he began to focus on “the prosperity of the wicked.”

“They are not in trouble as other men,” he lamented to himself, “nor are they plagued like mankind.” Asaph could not reconcile the fact that “the wicked” seemed to be blessed, while he seemed to have nothing but troubles. “Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and washed my hands in innocence; for I have been stricken all day long and chastened every morning.”

Asaph’s discouragement nearly set his feet on the slippery path of self-pity. With his attention focused on the prosperity of the wicked, he began to question the goodness of God. One more precarious step in this direction could have been disastrous, but Asaph was a man who knew his God. “When I pondered to understand this, it was troublesome in my sight until I came into the sanctuary of God…”

Many years later, the prophet Habakkuk would struggle with the very same question. Ultimately, he too found the way out of discouragement by fixing his eyes on the Lord. “Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines,” he wrote, “yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.” (3:17-18)

Godly people discover that the way out of the discouragements of life is always by focusing their minds back on “the beauty of the Lord.” They understand that this world belongs to the enemy; that they were created for another world. Thus, rather than turning inward to self, they turn to the Lord in the midst of discouragement. Asaph’s entire perspective brightened when he got his eyes off himself and onto the Lord. “Whom have I in heaven but You?” he exclaimed. “And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Asaph’s and Habakkuk’s responses contrast strikingly with that of Cain. He, too, faced a difficult situation, but rather than respond in the right way, he became increasingly embittered over God’s dealings with him.

Cain: An Inward Focus

Cain was clearly a religious man, evidenced by the fact that he willingly arrived at the appointed time with an offering. Unquestionably, his sacrificial gift came at a very real and personal cost. Nevertheless, the Lord rejected his offering for one very important reason: Cain’s religious life was not founded upon faith, submission and love to the Lord, but in self-works.

“The way of Cain,” as Jude later coined it, denotes the underlying attitude of entitlement—that each act of sacrifice is a great gift to God deserving recognition and praise. There are many in the Church today who exhibit this self-centered agenda. When God withholds His blessing, or allows suffering of any kind into their lives, they start feeling sorry for themselves. “Look at all I have given up for the Lord,” they trumpet indignantly. “I go to church every Wednesday and twice on Sunday. I’ve paid my tithes for many years. And this is the thanks I get?!” Rather than seeing all that God has done for them, all they can see is what they have done for Him. Blinded by self-righteousness and self-pity, they view themselves as His benefactors, instead of sinful wretches unworthy of grace and mercy.

God, in His infinite holiness, must reject, and always has rejected, such self-centered religion. When He refused to accept Cain’s offering, we are told that Cain “became very angry and his countenance fell.” In other words, he plummeted into a depression. He sat down in a heap of self-pity and sulked—the first biblical instance of someone throwing a temper tantrum.

Cain’s attitude can be summed up in the distressing words of the unprofitable servant (in the parable of the talents): “I knew you to be a hard taskmaster.” And so God always seems to those who live in self-will. They fully expect Him to bless their plans and when He doesn’t—or when things go wrong—they rise up in anger with Him. He seems like a “hard taskmaster,” a demanding boss who cannot be satisfied. This attitude, if persisted in, leads to self-pity, which in turn, paves the way for deeper, more grievous sins.

God: Another Chance

The Lord saw that Cain was in great spiritual danger. In spite of the blasphemous accusations churning in Cain’s heart, the Lord graciously reached out to him. “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?” At that point, Cain’s situation was still comparable to those of Asaph and Habakkuk. Had he responded with the same faith, obedience and humility they exhibited, he, like them, would have climbed right out of his pit of despair.

{{blog-brse="/blog-ads-storage"}}

The Lord then proceeded to show Cain exactly what to do, reinforcing His instruction with a warning of the danger he was in: “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” Simply put, God was giving Cain a chance to repent of his attitude. If he continued in prideful self-will, he would be powerless to resist the provocations toward evil of the enemy lurking nearby. Cain, regrettably, chose to remain locked in a prison of SELF, nursing his “grievances.” Self-pity turned to anger, which quickly gave place to rage. And rage, pursued to its end, led to murder.

The temptation Cain faced, and ultimately succumbed to, was toward violence. However, I have heard countless stories from men who found themselves unable to resist sexual temptations once they began feeling sorry for themselves. Self-pity distances a person from the Lord and increases his vulnerability to the enemy’s lures. Once a person throws a pity party, he will find that he has very little strength to withstand temptation.

The next time you find yourself discouraged over some difficult situation, turn to the Lord. You will find that as you “set your mind on things above,” you will be lifted right out of the doldrums! On the other hand, if you start giving over to self-pity, beware that “sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you.”

‍

When Jesus came in the first century, what He found caused Him to fashion a whip to cleanse the temple and led Him to pronounce woe on the religious leaders. We know that He is coming again—perhaps soon—but the question remains, “What will He find?” What will it take to be part of the faithful remnant who continue pressing on, clinging to God’s Word, and living in daily anticipation of His coming? We must prepare our hearts now!

Resources

• Find out more about our 22nd Annual Conference

For anyone who has truly found a new life in Christ, there will be a severe fight against their old nature. But it’s easy to overlook some of the enemies that one will face in that battle. One of those often-unnoticed opponents is pride, and yet overcoming it is closely linked with living a pure life. In this episode we talk about the struggle for humility and why it is so important to never give up in that fight.

Here at Pure Life Ministries we deal with men who are seeking freedom from bondage to sexual sin. This means that, for most of our men, while confessing Christ as Savior and Lord, they have been giving over to some besetting sins for years. Many are wondering, when they come to us, if there is any hope for them. They have failed far more than they have succeeded, and have left a trail of repeated lies, devastated spouses, broken relationships, and ruined ministries in their wake. The reasons for their constant failures are addressed elsewhere in this blog. This article is about something else entirely. A great many of the men who come to us, bound in sexual sin, want to know, “Have I committed the unpardonable sin?” They want to know if they are beyond hope. A recent, rather unscientific poll of our residents (a show of hands) revealed that an overwhelming majority of our men have struggled with the issue.

So, have they? Have you? Have you committed the ‘unpardonable sin?’ Are you beyond redemption? Have you committed apostasy? Can you be restored to repentance? Let’s look at the Scripture.

What is the Unforgivable Sin?

The first relevant passage is Mark 3:28-29, and the parallel in Matthew 12:31-32:

“Truly I say to you, all sins shall be forgiven the sons of men, and whatever blasphemies they utter; but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin”— because they were saying, “He has an unclean spirit.” Mark 3:28-30

“Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven people, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven. Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man, it shall be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it shall not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come.” Matthew 12:31-32

Let’s take care of the technical matters first. The words “blasphemy” (the noun) and “to blaspheme” (the verb) are transliterated directly into English from the Greek words blasphemia and blasphemeo. The verb means “to speak reproachfully, to slander, to insult, to rail, to revile, to defame.” The issue, however, is more than just the insults that pour forth from one’s mouth. The issue is that “the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart” (Matthew 15:18), and the person speaking truly believes the terrible things they are saying.

So let’s look at the context in Mark 3 (and Matthew 12). Jesus was ministering in a house that was crowded with people. Visiting teachers of the law, having come down from Jerusalem, were saying, “He is possessed by Beelzebub! By the prince of demons he is driving out demons.” That was the blasphemous insult. More than words, they actually believed that Jesus was possessed and acting in the power of Satan. In response to their intentional slander, Jesus first showed them that their claim was ridiculous (“How can Satan drive out Satan?”), and then severely warned them about speaking reproachfully against the Holy Spirit. Mark concludes, “He said this because they were saying, “He has an evil spirit.”

In the parallel passage in Matthew 12, it is clear that Jesus had just healed a man who was possessed of a demon. In response, some were saying aloud that He could possibly be the Messiah (the Son of David). But when the Pharisees heard this, they responded with their rebuttal, that, “it is by the prince of demons that He cast out demons!” We hear Jesus say, “Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven people, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven. Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man, it shall be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it shall not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come.” It is as if Jesus were saying, “Say what you will about me, but don’t blaspheme the Holy Spirit!” Blaspheming Jesus can be forgiven. Blaspheming the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven. But remember, the problem is not just the words that come from the mouth, but the evil attitudes of anger, hatred and utter rejection that lie in the heart.

Why is it so dangerous to blaspheme the Holy Spirit? The reason is simple. It is the ministry of the Holy Spirit to witness to the truth. It is the work of the Spirit to convict one of sin, and to convince one of their need for the cleansing blood of Jesus. It is the Holy Spirit who comes to dwell within when one surrenders in faith to the Lord Jesus. Without the work of the Holy Spirit, salvation for the sinner is simply impossible.

One can say and even mean horrible things about Jesus, and yet, in time, still be saved by the ministry of the Holy Spirit. No doubt Saul of Tarsus said many blasphemous things about Jesus before he was confronted by the risen Christ on the Damascus Road. But if one constantly and consistently resists the work of the Holy Spirit, refusing His conviction, rejecting His leading, and resisting His pleading – then there is nothing He can do, in this life or in the next. That is what makes the sin unpardonable. It takes an openness to the Spirit to come to Jesus for pardon. Reject the work of the Spirit, and pardon is not available.

Are you Beyond Redemption?

Now, let’s go back to the situation here at PLM, and in the local church. Men who are bound by habitual sin and have not yet found freedom want to know, “Have I sinned beyond redemption?” Have I committed the unpardonable sin?” Yet the truth of it is that they are at a Christian ministry desperately seeking help from God! It was at the leadership of the Holy Spirit that they arrived here in the first place! He has brought them here because He is nowhere near finished with their lives and intends to discipline them, deliver them, and deploy them to future ministry. Far from repudiating the work of the Spirit, they are desperately seeking His help in their lives. An unpardonable sin has not been committed, or they would never be seeking God for freedom from their sin.

The question is sometimes posed from a different perspective. The student believes that they are beyond redemption because they have “once been enlightened and have fallen away.” (Hebrews 6:4-6) They believe that they are guilty of “sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, so now there no longer remains a sacrifice for their sins.” (Hebrews 10:26) They believe they have committed apostasy.

The writer to the Hebrews was addressing the Jewish believers in Christ who had remained in and around Jerusalem, who, under the intense pressure and severe persecution of their surrounding culture, were in danger of forsaking Christ and returning to the religion of Judaism. His letter is interspersed with encouragement to remain faithful and dire warnings about the results of rejecting Christ.

Allow me to paint a picture for you. Let’s go back to Jerusalem, to that last Passover week that is recorded for us in the Gospels. Jesus rode into the city being cheered by the crowds as He proclaimed Himself to be Messiah and king. He was, of course, rejected by the leaders of the Jews, the chief priests and the ruling Sanhedrin, as an imposter and an insurrectionist, a treasonous troublemaker who was a danger to Rome. He was found guilty of blasphemy by the Jews, for claiming to be the Son of God (which He was). He was found innocent by the Romans, yet sentenced to die for being the king of the Jews (which He was also). The Jews and the Romans rejected both of these claims, and so found reason to put Him to death.

Now, in that context, for a Jewish believer to reject Jesus as the Messiah, was, in fact, siding with those who had put Him to death. They were saying that Jesus was a liar, a fraud, a blasphemer, and that He was not the Son of God They were saying that His death sentence was just and that He got exactly what He deserved. They were also saying that He had not been raised from the dead, and that the Good News preached by the apostles was all a lie. That is what it meant to commit apostasy.

So, have you committed apostasy? Have you professed for all to hear, and do you firmly believe that Jesus is a fake and a fraud, that He is not God’s Son, that His bones lie as dust in a grave somewhere? Having once professed Christ, do you now affirm that He was not the Messiah, that He deserved to die on that cross, and that He got what was coming to Him? Having once believed and professed your faith, have you now totally rejected Him and spurned His grace? If you have, then you are lost, pure and simple.

{{blog-si="/blog-ads-storage"}}

But my guess is, if you’re reading this article, that you have not committed apostasy. Neither have you blasphemed the Holy Spirit. My guess is, if you have found this blog, you are desperate to make sure that there is still some measure of hope for you. Let me assure you that there is. The Savior, Whom you worry you have offended beyond relief, may well be offended by your sin, yet He still waits to forgive, heal and restore you completely. You are not beyond help and you are certainly not beyond hope.

What remains for you is to repent and come back to the Lord. Just because you have not yet committed apostasy (repudiated the Faith) or blasphemed the Holy Spirit (completely rejected His influence), that does not mean that you are not in danger of doing so. The longer you stay in your sin, the farther you’ll wander from his Presence. The farther away from Him you go, the more likely the possibility (even probability) that you’ll never return. The time to turn back is now.

Seek the LORD while He may be found;
Call upon Him while He is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
And let him return to the LORD,
And He will have compassion on him,
And to our God,
For He will abundantly pardon. Isaiah 55:6-7

The men who come to Pure Life Ministries for help worry about their salvation and their standing with God. They worry that they are beyond hope because they have not yet found freedom from their besetting sins. They need a great deal of help. They need discipline, maturity, grace, and humility. They need a safe environment where they can seriously seek the Lord. The need to read the Word, hear the Gospel, and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. They need the total dismantling of their self-life. They need repentance, repentance, and more repentance. Some need salvation. All need the Lord Jesus. And they find Him here. They find His mercy and forgiveness. They find in Him new life, a pure life. And they find hope. There is not a sin they’ve committed that He will not abundantly pardon.

‍

For anyone who has truly found a new life in Christ, there will be a severe fight against their old nature. But it’s easy to overlook some of the enemies that one will face in that battle. One of those often-unnoticed opponents is pride, and yet overcoming it is closely linked with living a pure life. In this episode we talk about the struggle for humility and why it is so important to never give up in that fight.

Resources

• Exposing the Heart of a Humble Man (Short Video) by Ed Buch
• I: The Root of Sin Exposed (Book) by Steve Gallagher

There are at least 54 specific references to repentance in the New Testament, in addition to the 16 in the Old Testament. John the Baptist came preaching repentance, and offered a baptism that symbolized repentance. (Mark 1:4; Acts 13:24) Jesus also came preaching repentance (Mark 1:15), and repentance was the theme of the preaching in the early Church (Acts 2:38; 5:31). It would stand to reason then, that repentance should be a regular practice in the life of every Christian. And yet, it seems that repentance is seldom preached in the Church any more, and that many Christians have only a vague idea what repentance is all about.

What Repentance Isn’t

First, let me tell you what repentance is not. It is not just feeling sorry for your sin. That is certainly part of it, but it is so much more than that. The Bible talks about the importance of having a contrite heart (Psalm 51:17; Isaiah 57:15), but repentance is more than feeling sorrow. Paul describes the difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. (2 Corinthians 7:10) Worldly sorrow is selfish and self-centered. Worldly sorrow is sorrow that you got caught, sorrow that your sin has cost you something, sorrow that you have to pay the consequences. Worldly sorrow, Paul said, leads only to death. Godly sorrow, on the other hand, is not selfish at all. It is sorrow that your sin has offended God. It is sorrow that your sin has hurt others. It is sorrow that causes you to hate the sin itself, and to desire with all your heart to turn from it and be cleansed of it. Godly sorrow, Paul said, produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation.

What Repentance Is

Now, let’s define what repentance is. Repentance is a gift from God that changes your heart, allowing you to turn from your sin and turn back to God. That repentance is a gift from God is evident from Acts 5:31, when Peter said, “God exalted [Jesus] at His right hand as Leader and Savior, to give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins. The word used here means “to give” and “to give freely as a gift.” We are also told in Acts 11:18, "When they heard these things they … glorified God, saying, 'Then to the Gentiles also God has granted repentance that leads to life.'” So twice in the book of Acts we are told that repentance is a gift given by God.

The immediate implication of this is clear. If repentance is a gift given by God, then it is something we can ask for. God is not stingy, and wants us to have all the gifts that He has for us. Surely repentance is a gift He wants us to have. We can be encouraged to pray and ask God to “grant [us] repentance that leads to life.”

Next, let’s look at the word itself. There are two words in the Bible that are translated as repentance, the Hebrew word from the Old Testament and the Greek word from the New. The Hebrew word is shuv (pronounced shoove), and it means to turn, to turn around, and to return. It is a great picture: Your life is headed in a certain direction (away from God); you stop, turn around, and head back in the opposite direction (towards God). So the action-oriented Hebrew saw repentance as a complete reversal of life.

The Greek word for repentance is metanoia, and literally means “to change the mind.” This is a picture of a person who thinks one way, and so lives according to that way of thinking; then he changes his mind, with the direct result that his whole life changes as well. Repentance is more than a slight shift in attitude. It is radical life change.

Jesus gave us a picture of repentance in His parable of the prodigal son. The younger son had a selfish and sinful attitude toward his father, his family and his future. He left his father and went off to waste his inheritance in riotous living. Then, when hard times came, he ended up, as all sinners do, isolated, impoverished and unsatisfied. Jesus tells us that at last the young man “came to himself.” He had a change of heart. He realized the sad state of his life, that he had sinned against God and his father. So he resolved to return home to his father. And then he actually did it. He returned, confessing his sin, humbled, and willing to serve.

{{blog-bwalk="/blog-ads-storage"}}

What Repentance Looks Like

It should be clear by now that repentance issues in radical life change. There is always a difference that you and others can see. John the Baptist was heard to demand, “bear fruit in keeping with repentance!” (Matthew 3:8) He was saying, “Demonstrate by your new behavior that you have truly changed your heart and your life.” The point is that one can pray and ask to be forgiven for their sins, but before long be right back asking for forgiveness for those same sins all over again. There has been no change. There has not been a rejection and a forsaking of the sin; there is no hatred of the sin that causes one to repudiate it. There is no awareness of what that sin does to God, nor of the price Jesus paid for its forgiveness. Neither is there any awareness of what the continuation of that sin is doing to the heart, conscience and life of the sinner, nor the impact of that sin upon others. Real repentance is a thorough work of rooting sin out, and not a shallow, haphazard and half-hearted attempt to gain absolution so that one can simply repeat the same cycle all over again. Repentance bears fruit. It brings a change that can be seen.

How to Repent

There is no clear “formula” for repentance described in Scripture, but we do see pictures of it throughout the Bible. Repentance is clearly demonstrated in David’s life in Psalm 51. We can begin by asking God to give us the gift of repentance. Go before Him in prayer and seek His mind about the nature of your sin. Ask Him to show you the depth of it, and how you sin hurts His heart. (Psalm 51:3) Allow Him to take you to the Cross, and see the price He was willing to pay in the blood of His Son to purchase your forgiveness, so that you no longer take that for granted. Don’t rush through this. Allow the repentance to be deep and thorough.

Realize that all sin is first against Him. You may indeed have sinned against others, but all sin is against the holiness of God. When David was confronted by the prophet concerning his sin, he exclaimed, “I have sinned against the Lord!” (2 Samuel 12:13) and in his hymn of contrition he sang “Against You, You only have I sinned!” (Psalm 51:4) Confess the actual sin(s) to the Lord. Be specific as you name them. The word “confess” means to “say together” and, therefore, “to agree,” so you are agreeing with God that your attitudes and actions are sinful. You are confessing that He is right in His estimation of your sin and that you have been wrong. (Psalm 51:4b) Ask God to fill you with a hatred and a revulsion for the sin you now cherish. (Job 42:5-6) All of this can be done before God in prayer.

Now you have to bear the fruit. You have changed your mind (Psalm 51:6, 10) and now you have to change your behavior. In many ways, real heart change will naturally issue in changed behavior. However, when you are tempted to act in the same sinful ways again - and you will be tempted - you must resist the temptation and forsake the sin. (2 Chronicles 7:14) God has promised that for every temptation, there will always be provided a way of escape. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Real repentance always leads to obedience. Forsake your pride, and in utter humility, surrender to God and to the doing of His will. (James 4:7-10; 1 Peter 5:6) Finally, thank God for His forgiveness, and for the strength not to sin against Him again. (Psalm 51:12)

One final word. Repentance is often seen as part of that act of surrender in faith when a sinner first comes to Christ for salvation – and it is. There can be no forgiveness without confession and repentance from sin. But this is much more than a one-time event. It is an ongoing process that becomes a vital part of every sincere and maturing Christian’s life. Repentance is part of sanctification, of God continually conforming us to the image of His Son. (Romans 8:29) As often as the Holy Spirit convicts us and reveals the presence of any sin in our lives, we are to respond in repentance. Remember, God gave us repentance to lead us to life. (Acts 11:18)

Dennis came to the Pure Life Residential Program because his life was full of sin. But over his nine-month stay, God changed him completely. Listen as he shares how God transformed him from a man of anger and ingratitude to one full of praise, who lives to help meet the needs of others. (From Podcast Episode #453 - |Victory| 95% of Mercy is Prayer)

Dennis: In the Bible names have special meanings. My name has a special meaning. If you spell it backwards, it is spells “sinned.” A good description of my life before PLM could be summed up in the words, “Dennis sinned.” Just as Jesus wept over the physical death of His friend, Lazarus, Jesus wept over my choice of death instead of life. He wept for every person I hurt and He wept for every person who shed tears while praying for my salvation. I caused a lot of people to cry. My sexual sins were only a part of how I hurt others. I hurt people by making fun of them. I hurt people by acting morally superior to them. I hurt people by seeking glory for myself, rather than seeking to glorify God through my life. Yes, it was my sexual sin that brought me to PLM, but the deeper sins of rebellion, selfishness, and worshiping myself instead of God were His greatest concerns when I came to the PLM Residential Program.
God began to break me down when I came here. He began to show me what it meant to weep, as others had, over my sin. He used some painful revelations to reveal my true heart. One revelation I had was that when God said to acknowledge Him in all my ways, He wasn't just talking about running my future plans and decisions past Him. He was also talking about admitting to my sin and getting it out in the open so that He could deal with it.
‍

{{blog-brse="/blog-ads-storage"}}

A second revelation was given to me during the first campus-wide talk fast. I had a horrible day and desperately wanted someone to help me wallow in self-pity, but upon returning from work I saw that a talk fast had been posted. I had no one to listen to my terrible woes. After suffering for a couple of hours, a quiet voice spoke into my head and heart, “Now you know how your wife feels.” How many times had I come home, after talking to my coworkers all day, and my wife Naomi would want to talk to me. I would tell her that I was too tired and that I needed to relax and recover from my hard day at work. I was treating her as if raising three girls took no effort at all. God showed me my lack of mercy and Naomi's unending mercy.
While everyone in the church thought I was the gifted, spiritually mature Christian; it was my wife who was the faithful one. She was the one who displayed the true servant’s heart and always put the needs of others before her own.  As I continued through the Residential Program, I came to realize that I didn't love people. I didn't know how to pray mercifully for them, and I didn't know how to persevere in prayer. Through my clashes with other students, God taught me that praying mercifully for others was more about changing my heart than changing theirs. At work, He showed me I didn't have to defend myself or make excuses for my mistakes. I only needed to take responsibility for my part and let Him defend me if I was being treated unfairly.
My name is no longer, “Dennis sinned,” in God’s eyes. He now sees me as, “Dennis surrendered.” He can finally allow His mercy to flow steadily into my life and out of my life to others. I no longer want glory for myself, but instead agree with the words of the hymn that says, “To God be the glory, great things He has done.” Thank you, Jesus. You are my first love.