The message of the email was unmistakable: a simple click on the link would open up a world of electrifying erotica.

In spite of the fact that Pastor Mel hadn’t even seen a Playboy magazine since his teenage years, the pull was tremendous. Curiosity about what he might see escalated as adrenaline shot through his being. Rather than quickly deleting the unwanted solicitation and calling his wife about it, he hesitated. The cursor seemed to take on a mind of its own as it slid across the screen to the link. There it parked for several terrible seconds as his index finger hovered over the mouse.

As the battle between good and evil raged within him, he frantically reminded himself that there would be a price to pay. But his feeble arguments and best intentions crumbled under the force of the temptation. Mel’s shaking finger slowly descended. His eyes unconsciously squeezed shut as if about to witness some horrible scene. The click of the button brought a grimace across his face which quickly gave way to a sense of exhilarating relief that the battle was over.

As he opened his eyes, a delicious world of evil came into view. He had sunk his teeth into the forbidden fruit and found it to be everything it had promised to be. For hours he raced through websites—typing in every obscene term his imagination could conceive. The dam gates had burst open and now nothing was taboo.

Eventually, the lust drained from his body and Mel shut down his computer in stunned silence. He was emotionally and physically spent. Unfortunately, it didn’t end there. He had opened a Pandora’s Box that would not easily be shut again.

In spite of the fact that he was finding less and less satisfaction from his newfound love, Mel could not seem to stop his behavior. The following months became the darkest period of his life. It seemed as though something evil had come into his being and perhaps it did. The eyes that once sparkled with the luster of sincerity became increasingly dulled by the deadening effects of sin.

What brought about this pastor’s fall from grace? Worldliness, plain and simple.

The Well Worn Path to Destruction

As a young man, Mel had a dramatic conversion. He was “on fire for the Lord,” and, at his pastor’s suggestion, was soon packing his bags for Bible college.

However, to his surprise, the other kids at school didn’t share his enthusiasm. In fact, they seemed calloused to spiritual things. For instance, when he attempted to share his excitement over the things of God, they would roll their eyes and say things like, “This too will pass.” He was informed that he needed to learn how to be “balanced.”

Over time their deadening influence had its effect. He began dabbling in some of his old hobbies. The old idols of sports, television and video games gradually reclaimed their former position in his heart. Nothing dampens a love for God like the charms of the world.

By the time he graduated from Bible college, he had become thoroughly indoctrinated in a religious system where holiness, humility and love for God take a backseat to outward success. Mel didn’t realize that what he had enlisted in was a hybrid of Christianity and the American culture. I touched on this in my book, ‘Intoxicated with Babylon’:

“We have created a gospel for our own culture, tailor-made to fit smugly within the confines of the American Dream. The old-fashioned Gospel we should preach has been altered just enough to agree with our busy schedules and myriad amusements. By emphasizing certain biblical teachings and, more importantly, neglecting others, we have managed to create a whole new gospel that fits our American lifestyle.

“Tragically, our rendition of Christianity makes no demands, expects no sacrifice, and yields no eternal rewards. The Lion of Judah has been anesthetized, de-clawed, and tamed. We have reduced the Almighty to a harmless icon we passively honor in our busy lives. The vision of a Holy God, a Consuming Fire, a Judge who will one day render unto every man his just reward has virtually vanished out of the American Church.”

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Fifteen Years Later

Although his passion for God had subsided, Mel proved to be a good student of the system. After a couple of stints as a youth pastor he received his first call as a senior pastor. Applying church growth techniques to his new pastorate, his congregation began to swell. He became comfortably settled into the ministry. In short, he became a professional.

He didn’t set out with insincere motives; he just got caught up in the flow of a system that left him feeling spiritually empty and “burned out” by the time he was forty. Demanding parishioners, a hectic schedule, pressure to perform, and his own ambition for success all combined to intensify his stress. Rather than getting away for extended periods of seeking the Lord, he increasingly turned to the world for relief. During his typical day at the office, he would often steal opportunities to surf news and sports sites on the Internet. Driving to appointments became opportunities to listen to Rush Limbaugh. Many off-nights at home were spent in front of the television.

Mel well understood the implications of Galatians 6:7-8: “…whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption...” He could quote it verbatim and had preached on it more than once. Yet, he never connected his own growing sense of spiritual dryness and lack of power to the worldly amusements with which he regularly rewarded himself.

He didn’t realize that every time he turned on the TV, opened a magazine, surfed the Internet or listened to talk radio he was making provision for the flesh; in other words, providing for its sustenance, keeping it alive and healthy. He wasn’t taking into account that every spiritual leak he allowed was draining away precious spiritual life he could ill afford to lose. He was oblivious to the fact that the seeds of corruption he was sowing into his life were about to bear an abundant harvest of rotten fruit. A dark corruption was silently invading his heart.

Mel thought that because he had faithfully maintained his devotional life that he was filled with the Spirit. But the truth was that his personal time with God had long since lost its vitality. Bible study mostly consisted of searching for sermon material. His prayers were self-oriented, and subsequently powerless. His fervent sounding pleadings for revival in church were simply the emotional chatter of a frivolous man, not the God-moving, earnest supplications of an authentic intercessor.

The power to resist temptation is promised to those who “walk in the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:16) But there is no such promise extended to the one who has abandoned godliness in favor of carnality. “Bouncing eyes,” Internet filters and accountability partners won’t help a person whose godly foundation has disintegrated and whose spiritual defenses have been compromised.

Pastor Mel’s downfall underscores the fact that one doesn’t lose a war overnight; rather, the war is lost through an accumulation of defeats in the daily life. However, it would be superficial to see Mel’s indulgence in pornography as the real calamity of his life. While this man maintained the exterior image of a godly pastor, the truth was that in his inner life he had long since sold out to the prince of this world.

A Modern Spiritual Catastrophe

Undoubtedly, there are many pastors in America who are secretly addicted to pornography or other immoral behaviors. This is a spiritual catastrophe which warrants our greatest concern.

However, even more alarming is the level of interaction that takes place and the degree of familiarity that exists between the post-modern Church and the world. How can the kingdom of light—that place of holiness, purity, and truth—co-exist with the unholy, impure, deceptive kingdom of darkness? They are two different kingdoms—eternally separated.

One might wonder how many ministry leaders will one day hear the words of James as a terrible pronouncement over their lives: “Whoever chooses to be a friend of the world takes his stand as an enemy of God.” (James 4:4 AMP) May God help each of us to examine our lives in the light of such solemn words.

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One of the worst aspects of sexual sin is that it breeds deception in the heart and in the soul. The many lies that come with sexual sin slowly corrupt a person until they are completely blind to the spiritual realities of life. Therefore, the sexual addict must learn to live in truth if he or she is ever to find freedom from their sin.

Resources

• ‍Intoxicated With Babylon (Book) By Steve Gallagher

In 1991, as I stood hand in hand with my soon-to-be wife, Rose, at the altar, I was convinced my life-long struggle with sexual addiction was finally behind me.

I had been a Christian for a few years but was helpless to break free from the lust that had dominated my life since I was a young boy. I really believed marriage was the answer.

As we looked into each other’s eyes that day, Rose was filled with hope, hope that I would love and cherish her, hope that I would meet her needs, hope that I would provide and care for her, hope for a life of happiness and blessing. Rose had no idea of the expectations I had placed upon her and the devastation that was coming her way.

It didn’t take very long for both of us to see clearly. I was the same self-centered, lust-filled man after marriage as before. And Rose’s dreams of a happy, God-centered marriage came crashing down as my history of sexual addiction and drug use reared its ugly head only a few weeks into our marriage.

No, a wedding ring is not some magic pill. The challenges and strains on any new marriage invariably bring disaster when the new husband is self-centered and filled with lust.

Practice Resisting Lust before Marriage

Let me contrast my attitude going into marriage with that of a young man I recently counseled. He too came out of a life of sexual addiction and was preparing to get married. His goal in counseling was to grow in his relationship with Christ. He wanted to be different before he got married so he could be a blessing to his future wife. He didn’t want to bring the baggage of his old life into his marriage. In short, he was willing to wait until he was ready.

As the wedding grew closer, I remember how excited he was, looking forward to his wedding night with his new bride. He was in love and she was so beautiful to him, so of course he was excited. But for him it wasn’t just the sexual intimacy he would enjoy. He was also nervous and hopeful that he could be a blessing and not a curse to her. He was hopeful that sexual intimacy with his wife would be different than the lust-filled experiences he had known in the past.

This young man didn’t fall for the misconception that marriage would change him and fix his lust problem.

I recently talked to him on the phone and asked him how married life was going. He told me he sees even more now the importance of getting his stuff straightened out before getting married.

“It is Better to Marry than to Burn with Passion”

Many Christians quote 1 Corinthians 7:9 to support their argument that marriage is the cure for their lust. Here Paul positions, “if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

We have to go back a few verses to understand the context of what Paul is saying. “For I wish that all men were even as I myself, but each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:7-9)

We can see that Paul is addressing here the question of whether or not someone is willing to accept a life of celibacy as he had done. In Paul’s mind, he had received the grace and power to do so. Others are not so called and empowered. So this passage is speaking to those who are struggling because of their desire to be married. For these Christians, marriage is a way to help them avoid falling into temptation. It is these individuals that Paul is addressing, not the man or woman given over to lust. In other words, Paul is not saying that marriage is an answer for those already succumbing to temptation.

Furthermore, in verse 6, Paul explains, “But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.” In other words, this is not God’s true desire for us. In fact, God commands us, “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control…” (2 Peter 1:5-6a)  And He promises self-control, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace…and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23a)

God wants us to learn to control our bodies in holiness and honor, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-6)

God’s will is that man exercise self-control until he is ready and called to marry, just as in the account of the young man earlier in this article.

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Marriage Is Much More than Sex

To the man or woman who is looking to marriage as the answer to their lust problem, I would also say marriage is much more than an outlet for one’s sexual appetite. God intends our marriages to emulate the relationship Christ exhibits towards His Bride, the Church. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church.” (Ephesians 5:31-32)

In His perfect wisdom, God gave us marriage as a channel for our sexual desires to be fulfilled in a positive and God-glorifying way. Sex is part of the union of marriage, indeed an important part, but it is only a part of the whole. Our marriages should be centered on an unselfish attitude that focuses on the unconditional love of Christ that gives of itself for the benefit of the other.

This is a vastly different outlook than looking to our spouses to satisfy our lustful appetites, and to marriage as a cure for a man or woman bound by lust. All we need to do is to look at the epidemic of porn and sexual sin in the church amongst married men and women to see that it simply does not work for that purpose.

I believe there is a healthy longing that we can have for a future spouse and there is nothing wrong with the expectations that come with marriage including the joy of participating in sexual intimacy with our future mate. God designed it that way, and when we are seeking to please Him, glorify Him, embrace His plans and His purposes, our marriages will be what He intends them to be.

And be sure of this, marriage isn’t the way out of sin, only Christ is. “Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed,” (John 8:36) free from sin and free to enjoy all the fruit of a holy marriage that He will bless in more ways than you can think or imagine.

In the final episode of our series, Refined as Silver, we look at what it means for a wife to forgive her husband truly, completely and radically, even after the devastation of sexual sin. Biblical Counselor Rose Colón joins Nate to talk about the challenges that arise as a wife seeks to live in forgiveness, and the incredible freedom that comes through it.

Resources

• Find out more about our counseling program for wives
• When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart (Book) by Kathy Gallagher

We continue looking at the theme of humility in this week’s interview with Jeff Colon by looking at how it connects with our need for redemption. He teaches us that when we begin to see our sin rightly, we’ll be brought to a place of true humility. It’s in this condition that we begin to cry out to the Lord and it’s in this place that God will come in and meet our need.

Mike: We want to continue our series on humility. And I just want to ask you this question, how does humility relate to our redemption, or rather our need for redemption?

Jeff: Well, Mike, there is a Scripture I have in mind regarding that. Romans 5:12 talks about what happened in the fall through the first Adam. It says, “Just as through one man, sin entered the world and death through sin and thus death spread to all men, because all have sinned.” And what we need to realize is that because of the fall, everyone has fallen under the curse of sin. Our minds and hearts have been corrupted by the same pride that animated the Devil. We have a desperate need to be redeemed from the fallen nature of the devil and that really is the root of all sin. As we see that truth and it becomes real to us, we begin to understand why we need to be redeemed.

Mike: Well, let's talk a little bit about the impact that pride has had on us because, as Americans, we often look at pride and say, that's a great thing, we need to be proud about who we are. But as you've mentioned, it is really a very devilish thing. Talk a little bit more about the impact that it's had on us and the outworking of pride in our lives

Jeff: If you think about it really, all the wretchedness that the world has seen began with that curse. All the war, all the bloodshed, all the selfishness, all the suffering, all the ambition and jealousy. Every broken heart is the result of pride, whether it's our pride or someone else's pride.

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Mike: I know one of the things that has happened certainly for us and for the men that come into our Residential Program is that they come in with what they believe to be a little problem with sexual sin. But what becomes real to them after a while is that they are full of themselves and what they are really seeing is the pride that has completely corrupted them. I know part of what must happen in their lives is that they must reach a point where they really get a sight of how corrupting their pride is, and to end up in a place of despair. Where do you go from there?

Jeff: We need to despair over our condition, but as someone said to me once, we need to despair happily. In other words, we need to see that out of that despair will come something greater. For us that means seeing Christ and our redemption through Him. We see it in Paul’s writings where he says in Romans 7, “I know that in this fallen flesh, there is nothing good.” Jesus said to the rich young ruler, “No one is good but God.” We need to realize that only God is good and despair that there is no hope in fixing our flesh nature. Like Paul we need to say, “But I thank God through Jesus Christ.” In other words, Jesus made a way for me to be freed from this body of death.

Mike: What is it about Jesus that we need to know and understand in order to come into this redemption?

Jeff: I think we especially need a revelation that the root of God’s character is love, but I can even say it as Saint Francis of Assisi said, “God is humility.” We need a sight of that, and we need to understand that our greatest need is to know and trust that His life can be revealed in us. We need to see that His life is ours now that we have died to our old man. Christ and His Spirit come to dwell in us so that we can have His nature. This is our hope of redemption.

Mike: I know for many years in ministry before I fell, there were times that I was truly in awe of the power and the glory of God. But that in itself is not the main thing that draws us to Jesus. What is it about Jesus that really draws a wretched, prideful man to Him?

Jeff: His mercy. He is good, He is kind and He is long suffering. In other words, God is lowly. God meets the needs of His creatures. He is meek, He is gentle, and He is willing to serve. He is love, even though He is so powerful and mighty. He is humility. That’s what draws me to Him. I believe as Christians, if we want joy, if we really want to understand what fellowship with God and knowing Christ is, we must make his humility the thing we admire most about Him. It also must be the main thing we ask of Him and the one thing we see that we cannot live without. God is asking us to take His yoke upon ourselves, so that we can learn from Him how to be meek and lowly at heart.

Mike: What we're talking about here absolutely cuts across the grain. I'm thinking of two things. Number one is our flesh, because our flesh always wants to exalt itself. Two is the idea of being meek and lowly in heart. A man that comes across as meek and lowly in our current culture is certainly not celebrated.

Jeff: If you think about it, the culture and society we live in, and the whole spirit of this world teaches us to look to self and to be all that we can be. But the humility of God tells us to empty ourselves and to be nothing and let God be all that He can be in our lives.

Mike: One of the great struggles for Christians in the church today is that they're not experiencing the joy of their salvation. Do you think in some part it's because we haven't embraced this idea of humility?

Jeff: Oh, absolutely. Until we make humility our main joy and welcome it into our lives, there is very little hope of living in the faith that God has granted us in Christ that will overcome the world. We really need to embrace humility in our lives, just as Jesus did.

Mike: For those who are beginning to grasp for the first time what this great redemption really is focused on doing in us, they may think that it’s impossible. They may say, “I'm just not a humble person.” They look at their heart, the way they live their lives, and think to themselves, “I can't do this.” What encouragement would you give to them?

Jeff: Don't look to yourself. Look at Jesus and realize that He did what we cannot do. That's why Paul cried out, “O wretched man that I am, who will deliver me?” He knew that he was not going to be able to deliver himself. He thanked God for Jesus Christ who is the hope of redemption, Jesus did what we could not do, so we need to look to Him. The Bible says He is the author and finisher of our faith, and I would just encourage anyone that is seeing their need to clothe themselves and let His mind be in them. Look to Jesus. That's why He died for us, to recreate us into His image. That is the plan of salvation.

When Susan was a young wife, she didn't give the idea of submission much weight. But when she and her husband got serious about following Jesus, she took another look at the subject. In part four of our series, Refined as Silver, Susan talks with us about this very touchy topic.

Resources

• When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart (Book) by Kathy Gallagher

How is it that many find themselves hopelessly bound in their sin when there is a God of tremendous hope offering them the keys to genuine freedom? We’ll help answer that in our next two episodes. Today’s focus is on the common barriers to overcoming sexual sin and the ways these often produce hopelessness in a sex addict’s life. This interview is part of our new and ongoing “Ask the Counselor” series, where we interview various members of our counseling staff about some of the common questions asked by those in sexual sin.

Biblical Counselor Ken Larkin discusses the teaching of the Apostle Paul that in the last days men would have a form of godliness while denying its power.

He exposes the hypocrisy of religion without relationship and real holiness.

I'm joined in the studio today by Ken Larkin. Ken is a Biblical Counselor here at Pure Life Ministries. Welcome Ken. It's always good to have you here.

It's good to be here, Jim.  

Ken, we're talking today in support of Steve Gallagher's theme for his 20 Truths: “A Form of Godliness Does Not Have the Power to Deliver from Sin.” In 2 Timothy 3, Paul warns his young pastor friend to beware of men in these last days, and he describes what men in the Church will be like, and he gives a rather frightening list of sins, including “lovers of self, lovers of pleasure, not lovers of God.” And he concludes this list by saying, “that in the last days men will hold to an outward form of godliness, although they have denied its power.” Again, that’s 2 Timothy 3.1-5. So, a characteristic of the Church in the last days is that it will be composed of men, and women I suppose, who have the outward appearance of godliness without any reality to back it up. All show and no substance. Lots of religion, no relationship. Now, you've been a counselor Pure Life for some time, and you're also our Intake Coordinator. Every man who comes into the Residential Program is a confessing Christian, and every man has a testimony of how and when they got saved. And yet, every man who comes into the program has been in a long-term, gross, habitual sexual sin. Where is the disconnect? Isn't the issue that these men have an outward display of godliness with no real power in it?  

That's true, Jim. That's exactly right. These men that come to us for help can be compared to religious leaders of Jesus' day when He spoke strongly against them in Matthew 23. Jesus said, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. Even so, you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.”  Steve Gallagher also writes about this spiritual condition in his book Standing Firm Through the Great Apostasy. He says, “People with a form of godliness have opted for a Christian existence where they convey to others that they have a viable spiritual life which they really don't possess. They have exaggerated their spirituality for so long, that they have actually come to believe the lie.”  

Well, Ken, based on your experience as a counselor and of dealing with men as they come into the program, do they know that they are empty, and that they are lying, or are they self-deceived?  

There are a few exceptions, but most men that come into the program are deceived about their true spiritual condition. They know they have a major issue, in that they are in bondage to sexual sin, but do not see it as an indicator that they are not really walking with God. They fail to see the spiritual component of their sin, but it's clear from Scripture that godly men who are walking with God, do not live in habitual, unrepentant sin.    

Yeah. Well, you mentioned it earlier. Steve Gallagher has an entire chapter dedicated to this issue of self-deception, of those who have an outward form of godliness without the power, in his book Standing Firm Through the Great Apostasy. Now, from what Pastor Steve has written, and from your own experience as a counselor, what are some telltale signs that someone is deceived about their own standing with God?  

Again, that's a good question, Jim. Their lives will be characterized by a religion of dead works, self-righteousness, outward display of piety. The men that come to us for help are basically living lives of out-of-control sexual sin, yet they tend to be full of pride and very self-righteous. When confronted about their true spiritual condition, they often defend themselves and minimize or justify their sin. They claim to know God and are very religious, yet their very lifestyle of sin and selfishness denies the Lord they profess to know and love. In addition, it's interesting to note, that many pastors and Christian leaders come to us for help, and their whole lives are caught up in doing what they think is ministry, presenting themselves to others as godly leaders, yet all the time living a secret life of sexual sin. They have actually believed their own lie, that they were walking with God all the time and have been able to compartmentalize their sin in their own minds and just trivialize it as something on the side. They've deceived themselves into thinking that their sin has no true bearing on their spiritual life and their relationship with God. They were living the lives of hypocrisy like the Pharisees, clean on the outside, yet dirty within.  

Now you've twice mentioned the Pharisees: Matthew 23 and then again, now you mentioned the Pharisees. So, we really are talking about Christian men, we’ll call them Christian men, who just have the religion of the Pharisees. Why is Pharisaical religion in the church so very dangerous?  

Well, I think again, Steve Gallagher sums this up well in his book Standing Firm Through the Great Apostasy. The things that he mentions specifically, is this is so dangerous because it reinforces a person's self-life, their self-love. It's hard to detect. It substitutes false spirituality for the real thing. It breeds further deception and delusion. It hinders a person from seeing his need to change and repent. It fosters fear of man rather than fear of God, and it magnifies the immediate dividends while blinding one to the eternal consequences. And it's interesting: the men to come to us are basically like, we are mentioning, Pharisees or hypocrites, and they're more concerned with what people think they're what God thinks. I find it quite amazing to see that across the board, one of these earmarks of this dangerous religion that Pastor Steve mentioned was fear of man rather than fear of God. And it's amazing, that men living in habitual sin are more afraid of being exposed and what people think, than having the fear of God to prevent them from doing this behavior. The God who sees what they're doing a secret to begin with. Most men, typically, won't seek help from us or address their secret life of sin until God, in His mercy, allows their sin to be exposed to other people.  

Well, keep going. What's another sign that a man has an outward religion without real power?  

Another one, Jim, is deemphasizing vital truth. We have men that come to us, and they’re steeped in some doctrinal belief, and they have all these theological frameworks of the systems developed, where -- it's not really dealing so much with the major tenets of the Christian faith, like the Trinity, the virgin birth, the resurrection of Jesus from the dead, His sacrificial death and His blood atonement on the Cross -- but really, they're more concerned with these trivial or peripheral issues -- not that these other things are not important, but they're not the main focus of our Christian faith. Things like predestination or the free will of man, eternal security versus apostasy, or eschatology, end time events, women in ministry, and so forth.  

Why do men in this situation, why do men in Pharisaical religion -- and Jesus said this was true of the Pharisees, they minor on the majors and they major on the minors?  

Yeah that’s so true, Jim. And I would say the first one is very simple. They're full of pride or what they know or what they think they know, because they've believed a lie of our Western culture that has dumbed down true spirituality in Christianity to the mere acquisition of head knowledge, about God, His Kingdom, having correct doctrine. And in addition to this, since they don't have the real thing, a vibrant relationship with God, they compensate for it like the Pharisees did, overly scrupulous about minor things. Jesus said of the Pharisees, “You strain out a gnat, and you swallow a camel.” And then also in their pride and self-righteousness, they fail to realize that true Christianity centers around a vibrant relationship with God. In the heart of this relationship is love. Jesus summed up true religion when He said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the prophets.” In other words, if you’ve got this down, you’re fulfilling the Law; if you missed this, you’ve missed the whole point of everything that Jesus was teaching. So these men love to argue about doctrine to show to others how much they know, yet they very rarely invest time in loving others in a practical way, in meeting needs. They're all talk but have no actions, so there is little to no substance behind what they say and profess to believe.  

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Steve Gallagher wrote in his book that men who have an outward display of Pharisaical religion will seldom be found doing ministry at a local soup kitchen for the homeless, because he'd much rather be a teacher or somebody on the platform. He's all talk and no action, all doctrine without any real ministry. Why is that?  

Well, because really, their religion is totally self-centered. It's not focused upon God and His glory and the will of God, which would involve loving others and meeting other people's needs. He is more concerned with elevating himself, making himself look good, his own glory, than God's glory, and doing true kingdom work, which is loving your neighbor as yourself and meeting needs on a practical level.  

Well, one of the things that we've noticed is that so many of the men who come into the Pure Life Residential Program -- and they fit this very pattern that we're talking about, a form of godliness with no power -- they are completely driven by feelings and emotions and they are not guided by biblical convictions. Tell us what you know about this.  

I would say, very simply, this just another manifestation of their selfishness. Everything in their lives revolves around themselves, therefore how they feel is supremely important to them. This is also a product of a godless culture, that has placed the thoughts and feelings of people above the Truth of God in His Word. We've basically deified ourselves, what we think, what we believe, how we feel takes precedent over God, what He thinks, what He knows to be true and what He said in His Word. And this mindset has had a major influence in our Western Church.  

Let's get down to some practical steps. How do we walk men into real faith, out of their delusion of self-righteous religion? How do we do it?  

Well, very simply, Jim, with confronting them with the truth of God's Word. Men don't need someone to feel sorry for them or make them feel good about themselves. They need to be confronted with the truth of God's Word, which can alone set them free. So, the first thing we need to do to these men that are in delusion, is show them their true spiritual condition, based upon the clear teachings of God's Word. We constantly confront them here with the Scriptures. And I would say this too, that is the catalyst for change. When they begin to see themselves in the light of God's Word, this should lead to godly sorrow and repentance. Having been devastated by the bad news, we now lead them to the foot of the Cross and the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I like to kid around, “We’re not a 12-step program, we’re a two-step program: repent and believe the Gospel.” And really, that's how simple it is.  It's only through repentance and faith in Christ that men can come out of their self-deluded dead religion and into a true relationship with God and lasting freedom from sin. There is no other way out, but the simplicity of the Gospel, and again, Jesus Himself said, “the kingdom of God is near. Repent of your sins and believe the Good News.”  

Well, Ken, I think you covered this really well, and I thank you so much for coming in, and for your very insightful answers.  

Thank you, Jim. It was a pleasure to be with you today.

This excerpt is from our podcast episode, "Sexual Sin is the Epitome of Insanity" Episode 367.

To access our full podcast library, visit purelifeministries.org/purity-for-life, or check us out in the iTunes store or Google Play store.

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Way back in eternity—before there was time, earth or man—there was a tremendous Kingdom with a marvelous King. It seems that millions of angelic beings inhabited this domain. Since there was only one will in the entire Realm, there was a complete lack of conflict. Every angel was content and lived in unbroken fellowship with God.

At some point, an archangel named Lucifer became fixated on himself, rather than the Lord. He swelled with pride and decided—the first decision ever made outside of the will of God—that he would overthrow the Lord and take His place as absolute ruler. “I will ascend to heaven;” he announced. “I will raise my throne above the stars of God, and I will sit on the mount of assembly in the recesses of the north. I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.” (Isaiah 14:13-14) These five “I will’s” reveal the introduction of a new will into the Kingdom of God.

Some time later, God created a planet which would be inhabited by man. Everything began well enough, as man—just like the angels of heaven—enjoyed perfect fellowship with his Creator. But lurking in the shadows was the malevolent presence of that fallen angel, Lucifer. One day, he approached Eve and impugned God’s merciful intentions with the concept that the Lord was holding out on her. Faced with the decision to obey God or not, Eve chose Satan’s will over God’s. In one grievous instant, her soul was polluted, her mind darkened and she came under the dominion of sin and death.

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Satan’s Will vs God’s Will

Today, several millennia removed from the Fall, the question still faces us: what is Satan’s will and what is God’s will? Jesus once said, “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) The latter phrase perfectly describes the heart of God. His will is founded upon His good and merciful character. Every decision He makes, every word He speaks, and every action He takes is an expression of His lovely, benevolent will. Since love is the substance of His character, it is impossible for Him to act outside of that love. Even in wrath, God is displaying His love by purifying the world of ungodliness for the sake of those who respond to this great love. Satan, through lies and deception, has successfully supplanted God’s perfect will on earth with his own. Thus Jesus, on another occasion, prayed, “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” counteracting Satan’s devious plan.

The first phrase of John 10:10 expresses the devil’s mission statement: “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy.” Jesus’ words here perfectly describe Satan’s evil will. He is absolutely determined to annihilate every person he possibly can. One way he accomplishes this is by holding out the promise of the extreme pleasure of sexual sin, luring people into rebellion against the will of God. He is constantly whispering, “Hath God really said, ‘you shall not…’” Men who have given themselves over to immorality have consistently listened to his lies. They listen and act because, at the moment of the temptation, what he is offering seems much more valuable than the fruit of obedience.

Whose Will Are You Living In?

This is a very important subject to me because a number of years ago, the Lord gave me the following passage of Scripture as a theme for the work being done at Pure Life Ministries:

“And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” (II Timothy 2:24-26)

The first half of this lengthy statement describes the spirit that the minister should be in who works with these individuals. However, for the sake of our subject here, we will briefly focus on what is expressed about men in sin. There are six things said about them: three that describe their condition and three that show the answer to their problem.

• They are ensnared by the devil.
• They have “been held captive by him to do his will.”
• They are “in opposition.” (What are they opposing, if not God’s will?)
• They must “come to their senses.”
• The solution to their dilemma is repentance.
• Repentance will lead them into “the knowledge of the truth.”

Clearly, then, the key to freedom from the bondage of Satan’s will is found through repentance. We see this same formula worked out in the life of the Prodigal Son, who, after doing the expressed will of the devil, “came to his senses” while in the pigpen, repented of his sin, and returned to his Father.

Yes, Satan has his own will: to “steal, kill and destroy.” However, believers who are caught in his trap can find freedom through repentance. As they repent, they too will come into “the knowledge of the truth.” And, as Jesus rightly said, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32)

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In part three of our series, Refined as Silver, we look at the crucial role a wife plays as her husband walks in repentance from sexual sin. Kathy Gallagher helps us see that when a wife selflessly puts her husband first, she is learning to embody the love of Jesus Christ.

Resources

• What's My Role in Helping My Husband (Short Video) by Kathy Gallagher

Jeff Colon helps us see the relationship between humility and fellowship with God in this week’s interview. He shows us how pride keeps us from living lives which glorify God, which means that humility is the only entrance back into God’s original plan for humanity.

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Jeff: Absolutely and without that there is no faith because faith is understanding that everything I have comes from God.

Mike: For someone listening to this who’s getting the sense that humility is important, and wants to make a commitment that tomorrow they will just start being humble, why couldn’t they just do that?

Jeff: Becoming humble isn’t something that we can produce in ourselves. It is something that God must help us with and open our eyes to. We also need to come to the realization that truly we are nothing and sometimes that's hard for us to see. When you come into the reality that you are nothing and you are helpless outside of Christ, you are on your way to humility, because that's where it begins.

Mike: Sometimes I do the most ridiculous thing in prayer. I get before the Lord and start trying to convince Him of the good things I've done or how good I really am and then God gets my attention and says, “No, you're nothing.”

Jeff: He will show you that truth and it's not in a demeaning way. In response we just need to yield ourselves to God and say, “Lord, you're right, I'm wrong, and this is what I am, but I surrender this vessel to you. Lord. I offer my life so that you can fill it. Give me strength to do the things that I'm unable to do.” Jesus said in John chapter 15, “Without me, you can do nothing.” Yet, when we yield to Him and give our lives to Him, He brings forth the fruit that He desires to produce in our lives.

Mike: We can have the desire to see righteousness and holiness exemplified in our lives, but I think sometimes the mistake we make is that we have the idea that doing all the right things is the greatest evidence of holiness in our life. It really isn't, is it?

Jeff: No, if our goal is to do the right thing without humility it will only produce a pharisaical attitude in us and that would not be a good thing.

Mike: If I go out tomorrow and try to be humble, I'm probably going to stumble and fall. It's probably a good thing that I do because again, it brings me to the realization that this is something God must produce in me. But there are some things that can put us on the right path for learning what it means to walk in humility. What are some of those things?

Jeff: Well, the first thing is that you must want it. As I look at Jesus, it makes me want humility, because I see how wonderfully He lived His life and what a blessing He was. How He displayed the Father's goodness and His love because He walked in humility. I want that in my life because I want people to see Jesus. We must first want it and then it requires faith, because it's not something we can produce in ourselves. We must believe God because He has promised to help us and give us the things we need and then pray and simply ask for Him to do it in us.

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There are so many times in Scripture Jesus invites us to come, ask, and believe Him and then obviously to the best of our ability do the words of Jesus. As we do that, I believe the Holy Spirit and the grace of God will bring it about in us, but it will not happen overnight. We see Jesus with the disciples, He was with them for three years and He taught them about humility all the time, but they were very slow to learn. Learning to be humble is a process, but if we yield ourselves to the Lord and trust Him to help us, He will bring humility about in our lives.

Mike: He really will, and I want to end on this next thought. As we're pursuing a greater sight of Jesus, a greater willingness to allow him to have His way in our hearts, and striving to learn what it means to walk in the humility of Jesus, we also must be willing to acknowledge when we're not.

Jeff: Amen and what helps me the most is considering and looking at Jesus in the Word and how He dealt with people. The more I look at Him, the more I realize I'm not like Him. It really shines the light on my heart and then I can acknowledge “Lord, I'm not like you in this way, but I repent, and I want to be.” As I fix my eyes on Him, and just how wonderful He is, it just furthers my desire to want to get the pride and things that are not like Him out of me; so that he could more fully live His life in me and through me.

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"He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy." Proverbs 28 :13

James woke up, his leg throbbing. He struggled to remember what had happened.

"Oh, that's right," he thought.  He had been robbed, beaten, and thrown into an alley.

In a moment of rare self-reflection, he asked himself, "How did my life get here?" He began to sob.

Stories like James' are tragic. The devastation of a human life always elicit compassion from tender-hearted men and women.  But the real tragedy is not that James had destroyed his life, but the fact that it never had to be that way.

Over and over again, James had chosen to conceal sin. He had repeatedly and deliberately kept things hidden which should have been exposed, and in greater and greater degree, his life bore out of the truth of Proverbs 28:13. "Those who conceal their sins shall not prosper."

When James was 13, he was like any other normal boy. He loved to play sports with his friends, prank his little sister, and horse-play with his father. He skiied in the winter, swam in the summer, played soccer in the fall. He was a nice boy to be around, and many people spoke well of him.

At age 14, the Internet came into his home. His parents were naïve, and were unaware of the dangers. James would spend his nights surfing the web, looking at professional soccer player's stats, and playing games online.

One day, he noticed an ad in one of the forums that he frequented that said, "Click here for erotic stories." He knew he shouldn't, but he was curious. With heart racing, he clicked. For hours that night, James read stories of people having sex. That night he discovered masturbation.

The next morning, he felt overwhelmed by guilt because of what he had done. He knew that he should tell his dad, but the shame was deep. He chose to ignore the warnings of his conscience, and to conceal his sin. If James had confessed at that moment, the venom of the serpent's bite would have been expelled, and the life of James would have been very different. Instead, he cleared the history on the computer, told his father he had slept really well, and walked out the door.

For the next 5 years, James was led down a path that grew deeper and darker than he had imagined. Stories turned to pictures. Pictures turned to short clips. Short clips turned to porn site subscriptions.

He had opportunity after opportunity to come clean with his sin, and to forsake it. But each time the opportunity came, he concealed his sin and bypassed the road to repentance and restoration. He chose the temporary comfort of darkness, instead of the pain of exposure.

Once, James was preparing to watch pornography on his smartphone in the privacy of his bedroom. He accidentally played a video before he had his headphones in. The sounds of sex blared from his phones speakers. He panicked, and clicked out of the video. He waited in silence, hoping desperately that no one in the other room heard.

His mother came to the door, and knocked. "James, what are you doing?"

"I am just reading, Mom." he lied.

"What were those noises coming from your bedroom?"

"My bedroom? No, that was coming from the neighbor's house. I heard a bunch of people laughing and screaming for a couple of seconds. Something must have happened."

James' pornography use became more and more frequent, which required him to lie more often in order to keep his secret life hidden from everyone around him.

Every time he lied, the noose tightened around his neck.

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In his mid 20's, he met a girl and they were engaged within a year. During marriage counseling, the pastor asked him specifically if there was any history of pornography or sexual immorality. James had grown so accustomed to lying, he didn't even flinch. "Absolutely not," he said. His fiancée beamed with joy.

Although he secretly hoped that his pornography use would end once he got married, he soon found out that nothing changed with the exchanging of vows. He had the same heart, and his heart desired pornography. If he had to lie to his wife for the rest of his life, he was determined to do it.

He had an extra smartphone that he paid with a private account. When he was away on business, he paid for it was a credit card she didn't know he had. He would sneak it when he went to the bathroom. Sometimes she wondered why he took so long. "Just reading, darling" was always his response.

One kid arrived, then two, then three, then four. He became increasingly more disconnected from the family. His wife was worried, then frustrated, then suspicious. "What's going on?" she demanded to know.

More lies. More excuses. Work problems. Stress. Always tired.

Again the sin was concealed. Again the cancer remained, spreading throughout his soul, infecting every part of his life.

Eventually, James' sin found him out. A colleague who happened to be a Christian saw James watching pornography in his car in the office parking lot. Since James professed to be a Christian, he confronted him.

James confessed. Sort of.

He admitted to looking at pornography, said he had been having a rough time at work. "Difficult family stuff. I know I shouldn't do it, I guess this was the wrong way to deal with it.”

The colleague nodded his head, and offered to pray for James.

The same thing happened a month later. Again, he was confronted. This time he admitted that he had been "struggling off-and-on for a while now." When he was asked direct questions about the intensity and frequency of his sin, James gave half-truths. But his colleague gave James the benefit of the doubt, and again said he would be praying for him.

A year later, he was caught again. This time, his colleague required him to talk to his wife about this. James grew angry, said it was none of his business. Once he calmed down, he agreed to talk to his wife.

James' "confession" came the next day. He finally mustered up the strength to tell his wife that they needed to talk. When they sat down together, he said, "Honey, I have been watching pornography."

His wife burst into tears, then boiled into a rage. She screamed at him, "How could you!?! For years I have been asking you if anything was wrong. I knew something was wrong!!"

He let her continue until she was too exhausted to yell any more. With blood-shot eyes she looked up at him and said, "Tell me everything."

For the next ten minutes, James told half-truths, vague stories and sugar-coated details. He told her he had looked at a lot of porn, but didn’t tell her it had been going on before they were even married. He told her that he had spent some money on porn, but never told her about the credit card and personal accounts.

The marriage suffered incredibly, but days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. James constantly had to fight against the conviction that he should tell everything. Eventually, his conscience, having suffered enough, stopped speaking.

The next ten years were like a living nightmare. James’ wife began to hound him relentlessly, monitoring everything he did, interrogating him whenever he went anywhere. Because she was constantly on guard, she caught him more and more often.

Every time he told her this would be the last time, that it had never been this bad. The serpent, Satan, was always willing to show James the painful road that lay ahead if he confessed everything to his wife. Tragically, James couldn’t see the eternity of pain and misery that was waiting for him if he wouldn’t confess.

Finally, James’ wife had had enough. He came home from work one day, and the house was empty. His wife had thrown his stuff into the front yard, changed the locks and gone to her mother’s in another state. A note on the front door said, “I never want to see you again.”

James’ life spiraled. He threw himself into sin more than ever. Soon he drank and did drugs to numb the pain. Anything to forget what his life had become.

One night, on his way to a strip club, he was robbed, beaten and thrown into an alley. The next morning he experienced a rare moment of self-reflection, and contemplated where to go from there.

What will become of James’ life? I honestly don’t know. It depends on whether or not he will confess and truly forsake his sin.  

If he continues to cover his sins, according the spiritual law revealed in Proverbs 28, he will not prosper. The cancer of sin will continue to ravage his heart, soul and life. He will reap more and more consequences of sin, and eventually will suffer eternally.

But, equally as true is the rest of that verse. “He who confesses and forsakes will find mercy!” What a wonderful promise. This is a glorious truth in the Word of God for any man who has destroyed his life by concealing his sexual sins. There is a way out.

The truth is, it’s up to you.