This episode: A true love relationship with God breaks the power of sin. What should a person do if they don't sense God's love for them?
In the 9th message of our “Unveiling Yahweh” series, Ed Buch breaks down the amazingly good gifts of God.
Timeless Truths: God knows every person by name and wants to draw them to Himself and conform them into the image of His Son.
This episode: Deliverance from sexual sin often comes only after truly waiting on God. Learn some of these principles in today's episode!
When it comes to things that lead us into sin, Jesus' stance is strong, uncompromising, even seemingly extreme.
When it comes to things that lead us into sin, Jesus' stance is strong, uncompromising, even seemingly extreme. But He has promised that if we will listen to Him, our lives will be built on an unshakable foundation.
The Bible describes self-control as a fruit of the Spirit. It is not a fruit of the flesh that we can produce by our own self-effort.
A couple of months ago we recorded a series of podcasts entitled, "Key Lessons on the Road to Freedom." In part 2 of an interview from that series, Luke and Pastor Ed show us that having a strong self-will cannot produce self-control in a person's life. True self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit that only comes from God. (from Podcast Episode #512 - Fight in God's Strength)
Nate: So Luke, in the first part of this discussion, Pastor Ed was talking about how when a person really begins to repent, they have access to the fruit of the spirit, which is self-control. But you know, for somebody who's never lived that way, true self-control can be kind of confusing. It can be hard to understand what role I play and what role God plays in the whole process. What does it really look like to be under the control of the Spirit? What would you say are some of the most common misconceptions about self-control?
Luke: I would say one of the biggest misconceptions that even I've struggled with in my own life is the fact that I can view self-control as being all about me. It's all about how much I can control myself. But we must remember that we're dealing with this at a spiritual level, and we have to look at how the Bible describes self-control. The Bible describes self-control as a fruit of the Spirit. It's not the fruit of the flesh, so to speak. It's not willpower. Self-control is the evidence of the Spirit of God at work inside an individual. It's doesn’t come out of our own ability.
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Galatians 5 is where we read about self-control and the fruit of the Spirit, and Paul describes ways to develop this type of fruit in your life. In verse 16 he says to walk in the Spirit. In verse 18 he says to be led by the Spirit. He concludes in verses 24 and 25 by saying that those are who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires, and if we live in the Spirit, we should also walk in the Spirit. In summary, he's saying that if you let the Holy Spirit guide your life and if you live in subjection to the Spirit of God, following His guidance and direction, if you deny yourself, and if you have crucified your fleshly nature, passions, and desires, then the fruit of the Spirit will begin to grow in your life. And one of the fruits is self-control.
Ed: Yeah. So, despite the name self-control, it doesn't come from self. It comes from the Lord. You have to get it from Him. That's what I think you're saying is one of the big misconceptions is that people think we need to work this up within ourselves.
Nate: Yeah, and one of the reasons I wanted to bring this up is because I've looked online and done searches, and there are blogs and articles out there with titles like, “Five Tips to Increasing Willpower” or “Harnessing Willpower.” And that’s a very different way to look at the subject than what you both are describing.
Luke: Sure. But when you're looking at self-control in a biblical context, it's really more like self-denial. And if I live denying self and letting the Lord rule and reign in my life, then the fruit is going to be self-control. I'm no longer doing whatever I want, when I want, and how I want to do it.
Nate: So, the more I deny myself, the more room, so to speak, the Holy Spirit has to exercise His power in my life. Then the more I'm doing that, the more I'm going to experience who and what He is. And one of those aspects is self-control. So, it feels in some way like it's us, but it's not us.
Luke: It's just the fruit of the Holy Spirit working in our life.
Nate: Yeah. Which actually I think feeds right into the next question that I had because I think that there are going to be some personality types with stronger will, and some people who are weaker willed. And so, I think for somebody who's listening that realizes, “Man, I don't have a strong will,” and they feel like, “How could I ever have self-control? I'm not wired that way.” For them it should be really freeing to realize that this isn't about a human will. This is about God's will.
Luke: And that's an excellent point because certainly there are different personalities and gifts that motivate people in different ways. That's undeniable. For example, some people love to be working outside getting their hands dirty while others can find fulfillment in their office job. So, there are different personalities. But you mentioned laziness. When I think of the term laziness, I think it can be defined as not completing the tasks that the Lord has assigned me to do. Whether that is mowing the lawn or balancing a budget, laziness is always taking care of my wants and my desires first and foremost. So, I believe that the real battle behind what you're describing is really a battle between loving myself and loving God and others. When we look at it that way, we realize that we're all selfish by nature.
We're all just naturally lazy in a way, regardless of our outward behavior. For example, we look at a typical, outwardly productive person and we conclude that he must have a lot of self-control. Like the young man who gets up at 4:30 every morning and goes to the gym for two hours. He has a strict diet. Never has a cheat day. He’s productive at work. He's not in any debt. You'd say, “This man must have a lot of self-control.” But if this guy will never let the needs of others mess up his strict routine, that's really not self-control. It's just a thriving self-life. And it works the other way around. If you look at the lazy 18-year-old who's sitting on his parents' couch and just playing video games all day, again, it's the same thing. It's just a thriving self-life. So, in either case, both individuals have the same root issues. Whether we look outwardly productive in our selfishness or appear lazy, we still need to deal with the selfishness that is dominating our way of life.
Nate: Wow. I’ve never really thought about it that way. That really levels the playing field. This isn't an issue of outwardly disciplined living. Let's say that both of them have genuinely repented. Our tendency would probably be to think that guy number one is going to have no issues walking with the Lord when it comes to self-control and guy number two has all the work in the world to do. But we all know that walking in the way of the Spirit doesn't come naturally to us. So, our natural strength is only going to take us so far. Then the Lord is going to bring us to a place where He's going to say your resources have taken you as far as they can and now you really have to learn how to walk in my strength and by my Spirit. Can you guys relate to that? Is there a time in your life that you can think about where you came to that place and what was that like?
Luke: I can definitely relate to really striving in my own strength and seeing little results and how discouraging that can be. That's really what got me to Pure Life. When it came to my fight against sexual sin, I tried all sorts of things and nothing ever worked. But where the Lord really met me was when He stripped that all away and showed me that I didn’t have the strength and the energy to fight this on my own. He showed me that this is something only He could do and that I had to have a hands-off approach on this and come to Him humbly asking for mercy because I needed help. I couldn't do this on my own. So, the Lord had to drain me of all of that self-will and self-sufficiency, and He's still draining me of that in many ways.
Ed: Yeah, I think that's very common and true. And when it comes to sexual sin, I believe the Lord is often using someone's sexual sin as a means to show them that very thing. There is a huge difference between white knuckling in self effort and actually living in freedom through Christ. Those are two completely different things. For me, specifically self-gratification is the thing the Lord used to help me see this more clearly and recognize my need to fight in His strength. The best I could do in my own strength was refrain from giving over to my sin for a day or two. I think one time I made it a whole week and that was like a monumental change for me. But that was the best I could do, and it was so frustrating. I was living with guilt and shame, and I was living under a dark cloud of depression. I even had suicidal thoughts because I couldn't get a handle on my addiction to self-gratification.
And so, for me, the Lord eventually did bring me to the Residential Program here at Pure Life, and that's when I experienced what it was to have His power at work in me. For me, the victory in that area began because I felt like this campus was a holy place and that somehow I would be defiling it if I gave into self-gratification here. So, there was something in me that just determined that I can't do that. I can't defile a place that God has made holy like that. And I believe at some level that the Lord saw that determination in my heart along with all the other things He was doing to establish His kingdom in me. He fulfilled that commitment for me. And before I knew it, I had gone over six months without giving over to self-gratification.
And I really was motivated then to hold on to that level of victory. I told myself that I'm not going to let go of that lightly. This is the most victory I've had in decades and I'm not going to let go of it. Of course, there were times of very strong temptations, but I found this power to resist them that I had never really had in me before. And I often remember fighting with the words of Joseph in mind, “How can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” That was a verse the Lord used to bring me into victory many times in that area of temptation. But I do want to be honest and just acknowledge too that I was not perfect and have not been perfect. There have been times where I caved into temptation, but any time that happened, I found that there was a power in me at work to get me right back on track as well. And also, the sin of self-gratification didn't have the grip and power it once held over me.
If sin has ever led you away captive, Isaiah 55 is for you. "Return to God!" it says, and find in Him a land of spiritual peace.
Have you ever felt like sin drug you into a spiritual desert or a land of captivity? If so, the prophetic words in Isaiah 55 will resonate deeply with you. This timeless passage calls out to every lost soul: "Return to God!" so that we might find in Him a place of spiritual peace, security and prosperity.
When we're in deep trouble because of our sin, Psalm 107 is there to offer us strong confidence that God will hear us if we cry out to Him.
In Psalm 107, this refrain is repeated four times: “Then they cried to Yahweh in their trouble, and He delivered them out of their distress.” Why the repetition? Because when we realize that we have sinned, and we know we are in deep trouble, we need to know without a doubt that God will answer us if we cry out to Him.
For those who are being broken by God, Psalm 51 is like a blazing lighthouse, showing us how to return into the harbor of God’s redemption.
For those who are being broken over their sin, and are turning to God in repentance, Psalm 51 is a treasure trove of spiritual knowledge. It is touching, brilliant, and artistic. But it’s not included in the Bible for us merely to appreciate it. It’s there like a blazing lighthouse, showing us how to return safely into the harbor of God’s redemption.
If you aren’t in the habit of reading Christian biographies, we hope that this episode will inspire you to start.
If you aren’t in the habit of reading Christian biographies, we hope that this episode will inspire you to start. Aside from the Bible, Christian biographies can be some of the most helpful reading you’ll ever do. In this show, we’ll look at the remarkable life of Amy Carmichael, an Irish woman who gave herself entirely for the will of God in India.
In this bonus discussion, Michael Wheaton expounds on the methods he uses to study the Bible.
In this bonus segment, Nate sits down with biblical counselor Michael Wheaton to discuss some methods he uses to study the Bible.
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Methods we discussed:
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Resources we mentioned:
In Hosea, a stunning picture emerges. God's deep desire in our pain is not to destroy us, but to open a doorway into hope.
When God visits a person’s sin in judgment, their lives begin to unravel. Frustration builds to misery, then gives way to despair, and often, finally collapses into ruin. But in Hosea 2, an astonishing picture emerges. God's deepest desire is not to destroy sinners, but to use the pain of judgment to open a doorway into total restoration.
Jordan's Story (Testimony) by Jordan Yoshimine
At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry (Book) by Steve Gallagher
The kind of self-control that can withstand times of temptation is a fruit of the Spirit that can only come from God.
A couple of months ago we recorded a series of podcasts entitled, "Key Lessons on the Road to Freedom." In this portion of an interview that comes from episode 4 of that series, Ed Buch explains the difference between self-effort, which has no power to give someone real victory, and self-control, a fruit of the Spirit that will bring real freedom. We can often confuse the two when trying to avoid harmful and addictive behaviors. But true self-control that can withstand temptation can only come from God. (from Podcast Episode #512 - Fight in God's Strength)
Nate: I think that anybody who's lived with any kind of life controlling behavior is going to agree that a big part of them finding freedom was learning how to control themselves. And probably anybody, no matter how they're approaching the idea of addiction is going to say that self-control is a big part of overcoming the problem, right? Even if they totally disagree with us about the spiritual roots being pride and selfishness, they're still going to say, “man, these people need to learn how to control themselves.” That's where I want to start today, and I just want to throw this out there. You have been in the counseling office with a lot of people and I'm sure that many of them have said, “I've tried, and I just don't know how to stop doing these things.” So, what do you think is the most common reason that these men have not learned to control themselves?
Ed: Well, the first thing I think that we need to understand is that self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. That’s the kind of self-control at least that Pure Life is talking about. And that’s what will really withstand times of temptation. That is a character quality that only the Lord can produce in a person's life. So, to be perfectly honest, I would say that the reason so many of the men that we get in our counseling programs have lacked that self-control is really because they either have no genuine relationship with the Lord at all, or they have had such a shallow relationship or a backsliding relationship with the Lord that self-control has never come into maturity in their life. And so, the experience that they end up having is a cycle of repeated failure. They throw themselves into fighting out of addiction with all their strength, all their might and all their self-effort. And that repeated failure from trying to exercise self-control in their own strength just leads them to give up, and in a sense, failure itself has convinced them that they can't do it.
I will say this too because I think there's probably something else involved for many people. Our default responses to sin are classic defense mechanisms. We deny it, we minimize it, we justify it, we hide it, or we shift blame for it. But in every case, whichever one of those mechanisms might be in play, a person is essentially denying the sinfulness of their sin. As long as our response to sin is to deny its sinfulness, we'll find that self-control remains very elusive. We are not really going to try very hard to overcome it if it's not such a big deal to us. And the bottom line then becomes that we have no control over it because we're still pretty much in love with it. We are at least in love with the pleasure aspect of it.
Nate: Yeah, I think that's really good to bring to the forefront because essentially if a person has genuinely repented, then they have done the opposite of what you've just said. They finally have really taken this to heart, and they've owned the seriousness of it and said, “I'm wrong. This is all me.” Once they do that they can actually move into the place where they have access to the fruit of the spirit.
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Ed: That's right. And they're crying out for help and then they'll find the help that they need.
Nate: Yea. So, how often have you found that a person who's sitting across the desk from you, one of the reasons that they don't have that self-control is because they just want to pick and choose what areas they want to be controlled in and what areas they don't want to be controlled in.
Ed: My first thought when I hear you say that is that that happens when I'm sitting alone in my office, because we all tend to do that. It's our default response to sort of pick and choose the areas where we're willing to be disciplined. And then we have those areas where we honestly would prefer that God would just leave us alone about. So, for me, the core issue is surrendering to the Lord and that is a pretty universal problem. Practically everyone we counsel is having a major difficulty with this issue. We don't immediately want to surrender our whole life to the Lord, nor do we want to fully surrender our will to the Lord. So, we often try to negotiate our terms of surrender. And in many cases, as I kind of alluded to a moment ago, I think it's because we aren't ready and willing to give up certain activities or pleasures that we're indulging in.
We love freedom and we just aren't willing to let go of what we think is our freedom or our right to do as we please. We may want God to absolve us from guilt or fix any of the damaging consequences, but we really don't want to do things His way. I once heard an expression that kind of sums up the mindset of most people and it was something like, “Until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change, you won't change.” We won't go through the difficult and painful process of change until it's actually more painful for us to resist that change.
That's the kind of thinking that many of us can be in. And even the Bible acknowledges that sin is pleasurable for a season, but eventually that season ends. So, it's like what we read in Romans 1. The Lord often has to give us over to the consequences of our sinful choices and let that pleasurable season run its course until we realize that those sinful behaviors are just not worth it anymore to us. And of course, in that process of being given over like that, we've gotten further and further away from the Lord. We’ve gotten more immersed in the kingdom of darkness and have heaped many more damaging consequences than we even realized, and we've made the process of changing our behavior much more difficult and painful than it needed to be.
How can we find the confidence to return to God after terrible sin? When we comprehend this glorious truth about God: He is FULL of mercy.
When you know that you've sinned terribly against God, where do you find the confidence to go back to Him? How can you know that He will be willing to receive you? Today we'll look at two passages that shed light on one of the most precious truths about God: He is full of mercy toward anyone who will repent.
Lives that aren't built on God's Word will come crashing down. In our newest podcast series, we inspire and equip you to study God's Word.
George Barna recently reported that over 75 percent of Americans read the Bible once a month or less. According to Jesus, that is a recipe for spiritual devastation. Join us for our newest series, where you will be inspired and equipped to begin a life of studying God's precious word!
Because of His humility, the Lord condescends to a people who have polluted themselves with sin and teaches them to walk in His humble ways.
When we think of the attributes of God we often think of things like His Holiness, His righteousness, and His omniscience. The thing that hardly every gets mentioned as an attribute of God is His humility. But that humility is what motivates Him to love us, even in our sin and failure. (from Podcast Episode #469 - Don't Stop Fighting for Humility)
Nate: I touched on this a little in part 1 of this interview, and you did too: God Himself is humble. That still boggles my mind because that's so different from what I'm like by nature. And Jesus said this, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29) This is the most powerful, most intelligent, and most wise being imaginable and He is lowly in heart. It's just astounding. When you look at His earthly life, where do you see His humility the most?
Steve: Humility is almost like a non-thing. So, I almost want to say, instead of Him saying, “I am lowly in heart,” or, “I am humble,” He is more saying, “there is no pride in me.” So, it’s like he is saying, “because there's no pride in me, come unto me.” But yeah, the Lord just doesn't have anything in Him that wants to exalt himself at someone else's expense or anything like that. The opposite is the devil. Self-exaltation is what he lives in.
Nate: I was just talking to one of the students in the Residential Program last night and he told me this story that was really amazing. He said that at one time in his life, he told the Lord, if you were here right now before me, I would spit in your face. I don't want you telling me how to run my life. And he said, The Lord said, “And I would still love you.” And that shattered him. And he said, if that's what you're like, I'll spend the rest of my life serving you.
Steve: The only thing I would say about that is that the Lord knew that was the thing that would shatter him. But if he did not reveal His majesty and His almighty power to people, most wouldn't even pay any attention to Him. They have to see Him in fear first and then, as they come to know Him, eventually their hearts do dissolve and they do humble themselves and come to love Him because of what He's like. But it usually must begin with the sight of His fearsome majesty and power. That's where most people have to begin.
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Nate: Yeah. That's what it was for me. I want to park on this still and just talk about God's humility a little bit more because when somebody says, “Let's talk about the attributes of God,” there's always a list that comes to mind. His love, His righteousness, His holiness, and His omniscience. There are all these attributes, but I don't know that I had ever heard someone mention humility in that list before I came to Pure Life. So, I want to bring more of that out. God says this in Isaiah chapter 57, “For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with Him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit.” (Isaiah 57:15a ESV) What other ways do you see God's humility revealed?
Steve: Before I answer that question, I would like to comment on that verse you just quoted from Isaiah. We did a Bible study as a staff body a few weeks ago on fellowshipping with the Lord and when I think of fellowship, I believe that one can only fellowship with people at the level they are at. So, a brand-new Christian is going to be on a pretty shallow level of fellowship. Whereas seasoned saints can really fellowship on a deep level. So, when you think about the Lord wanting to reside with someone, be with someone, be in their presence, who He wants to be with is someone who's on His level - not that we could ever be on His level. But what I mean is someone who's contrite of heart, whose self-life has been delivered blow after blow to the point where that person truly does walk in humility. The Lord says that's the one I want to be around. That just came to me as you were reciting that verse.
Nate: Yea. Because the other side of that is that He wants to dwell with that person because that's what He's like. You could say that God is contrite and lowly in spirit. I don’t mean contrite in the sense that He needs to repent of anything, but He's like that. Can we talk a little more about this? What are other ways that you see God's humility being revealed?
Steve: In everything. He’s given us the Bible. He’s given us a world to live in. He is willing to share so much with us. Compared with Him we are such puny, nothing beings and so full of ourselves. Yet He still condescends to us. Everything that God does comes out of His humility. Otherwise, why would He even bother with things as deplorable as us, when we’ve completely trashed and polluted ourselves with sin, self, and pride? Why would He? Or I should say, how could He? only because of the utter absence of pride in His being.
Nate: Wow, that is amazing. It just shows you love and humility are really the same thing.
Steve: One and the same.
Nate: You know, one of the things that God speaks to us about in His Word is that pride comes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. So, as a person is really repenting of sexual sin and coming into this new life of victory, I see in that, that the devil doesn't necessarily have to blatantly tempt us with sexual sin. He can tempt us in more subtle ways because he knows if he can get us into pride, then it's just inevitable that we are going to fall in some way. So, I'd like to give people some things to look at as far as common ways that the devil tempts us back into pride so that we can be aware of it and keep walking in humility.
Steve: Well, you can't be in sexual sin without being in pride. It's not possible. They go hand in hand. So, a person who has been in habitual sin of any kind has been in habitual high-mindedness as well. So, if they're coming out of sexual sin, they are also coming down out of pride at some level. But not that much. It takes a long time and a lot of work on God's part to bring a person down. It’s not like they somehow repent of sexual sin and now they're a lowly, contrite person. But they have probably gone through some experience of brokenness. So when you're in that state of brokenness, that is poverty of spirit and that is lowliness. But reality also tells me having dealt with so many people over the years that people don’t always continue to walk in lowliness once they begin. The first steps of brokenness and poverty of spirit is an experience that helps one see where the Lord wants to take them.
So this person has probably had their self-life and their pride delivered a real blow. And what the enemy will try to do is find ways to get this person to succumb to opportunities to bolster their ego. And it's usually at the expense of someone else. So maybe someone will come at them with something, and the temptation will be to go into the old attack mode. Or maybe they find an opportunity to shine at church or wherever, so they puff themselves up. It's endless the different ways the enemy can come at us and draw us back into that same kind of devilish thinking. But you know, the Lord is there to help us and especially once we start recognizing it, then we can say, “Wait a minute. I'm not going down that path.” And the Lord will help us to walk away from that opportunity.
Nate: And what an amazing graciousness in the heart of Jesus that He even uses our failures to humble us.
Steve: Yeah. To bring good to us. It's another picture of His lowliness that He would even think that way.
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