“God loves me just the way I am” is one of those statements that can either be incredibly liberating, or incredibly dangerous. Liberating when we realize that we don’t have to strive to earn God’s favor. Dangerous if we use God’s unconditional love as an excuse to stay in unrepentant sin.  

In this episode, we'll talk about the unconditional love of God and how we ought to respond to it.

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The incredible truth about God's love is that it is unconditional. This is incredibly liberating for some, and it sets them free from striving to earn God's favor. But many others use this reality as a license to continue their perilous descent into the depths of sin. Thanks for joining us for the third episode in our series 10 Half-Truths that Keep Us Addicted to Porn, as we dissect the statement, "God loves me just the way I am."

Resources

• Sexual Sin Comes with a Price | 20 Truths that Helped Me in My Battle with Porn Addiction (Short Video)

In this "Timeless Truths" segment: God is more than willing to set us free, but we've got do things His way. We have to allow Him to continually search our hearts and show us what displeases Him. Then, all we need to do is take the path of repentance.

Host: Jeff, we want to talk today about a word we hear a lot here at Pure Life Ministries and that is repentance. And I want to begin by asking you, how important is it that we take the time in our walk with the Lord to evaluate the condition of our heart?

Jeff: Well, one aspect that I've learned about repentance is that it really is my connection to the Lord. I value my prayer life with the Lord. And I know that God wants to use that time with Him and the time in His Word to help me and to show me things. To me, repentance is key to keeping that communion and fellowship with the Lord and to allow Him to work in my life the way He wants to. It also leads me into a more intimate relationship with Him.

Host: Talk a little bit about what leads us into repentance. How does repentance begin in our hearts?

Jeff: Sometimes, it's obvious the things we need to repent of. But other times there are attitudes in our lives that we're not aware of. To me, when I go to the Lord, especially in prayer and when I'm in His Word, I have to realize that God wants to help me during that time. He wants to calibrate me. He's always wanting to calibrate me and I need to be aware of that. I want to be pleasing to Him and I want to know His will, but I also understand that I need His help to search me and to show me things that I'm not seeing.

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Host: Yeah, I would say for myself also that one of the things I'm learning is that underneath the things that are outwardly obvious that the Lord’s had to deal with in my life, there are things deeper in my heart that the Lord is really after. And unless I let Him go after the underlying things, I may be able to change my behavior or I may be able to “keep the rules”, but my heart won't change unless I let the Lord go after those deeper things.

Jeff: Yeah. And you know, a lot of times, pride hinders us from repenting. It hinders us when we want to believe the best about ourselves. In reality, we're wretches and we just need to be willing to agree with God and call things what He calls them in our lives and just agree with God when He's showing us things in our lives that need to change.

Host: I want you to expand on that because in the Christian church today, we have become experts at euphemisms. For example, we often hear guys say, “I'm struggling with lust.” Or, “I’m struggling with pornography.” And the reality is that they aren’t struggling at all; they've given over to very specific kinds of sins.

Jeff: Well, I'll say it this way, we don't see in the Word of God where it says a man struggles with lust. In those cases, it says that a man committed adultery. For a guy that's been lusting for a girl at work for instance, it's not enough for him to say that he has been lusting. He needs to tell himself that he is committing adultery before God in his heart. To me that makes the sin more for what it really is and really helps us to repent of it correctly.

Host: You mentioned spending meaningful alone time with the Lord. And one of the things I've learned is that when I'm with the Lord in that quiet time, I need to be really honest with the Lord about what it is that's in my heart. And as you mentioned, we have a tendency to want to make it look better than it really is. But if I really want God to be able to get at that thing that needs changing, then I've got to be honest about what that thing is.

Jeff: Yeah. Sometimes when it comes to things like adultery in our heart, we almost don't need the Holy Spirit to point it out to us. We just know that we are wrong because God's Word is so clear about it. But we all have pockets of iniquity that maybe aren't as easy to see, and we need God's help to reveal those to us.

Host: Well, talk about the difference between sin and iniquities.

Jeff: In the Bible we see things like, lying, fornication, stealing, or cursing. These are obvious. The Scripture is pretty clear about that. But when we're talking about iniquities, we're talking about things that aren't as obvious and we need God to help us see them. These are things like our attitudes towards situations or people, things like envy, selfish ambition, or coveting. These things are kind of in the background of our character. Unbelief even is a big blind spot for many, because a lot of times we don't equate that with sin. I remember God making it real to me one day where He says that the children of Israel had an evil heart of unbelief. That really hit home for me. I don't want to be in that kind of unbelief.

Host: We see this work out clearly for the men that come into our Residential Program. They come here and they want to be done with the sin of pornography or other sexual sin. But really when we see a real work begin to happen in their lives is when God begins to go after, as you phrased it, these iniquities deeper in their hearts, things maybe they've never seen before and have never realized were perhaps at the root of their sexual addiction.

Jeff: Yeah. And it's important that we understand that as we're turning from those things, we will find out that that's what's been hindering God moving in our lives. And I know for me, the sense I have is that God is always trying to help me and He's trying to remove things in my life that are hindering Him from doing that.

Host: Well, Jeff, for the individual out there who maybe has dealt with the obvious sin in their life, but there is a hunger in their hearts to have God go deeper and to have a more intimate relationship with Him, what do they do? Where do they begin?

Jeff: Well, I know for myself, I must come to the Word of God. I have to come to the Lord with a sincere heart and understand that I don't see things correctly. And a lot of times I encourage people to pray the last two verses in Psalm 139 where it says, “Search me, oh God. Try me. Know my heart.” I need to be willing to let God do that. I need to let the Word of God read me.
         The Bible tells us in Hebrews 4 that the Word is living and is able to discern our thoughts. God's Word will do that if we come to it sincerely and ask the Lord to show us if there is anything in our lives or in our hearts that's hindering Him from doing His work in us. Or if there is anything that we need to repent or turn away from. And God's always been faithful in my life to show me the things I need to see. Then I find the joy of turning away from those things and turning to Him.

Host: It takes courage to do that.

Jeff: Yeah, and confidence really in who He is. And that really, He's just wanting me to draw near to Him.

Host: Yes. And with that perspective, He does give us the courage to step forward and say, “Lord, I just want to be honest, I want to lay my heart bare before you.” And as you said, He is so faithful to do it.

Jeff: He is.

The Bible clearly teaches that we don't have the strength in and of ourselves to break free from the power of sin. But does that mean that if we're in bondage to pornography, it's because God hasn't chosen to set us free?

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In this episode, we'll look at what the Bible teaches about how Christians obtain victory over sin.

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Jesus promised us that the truth would set us free. He made no such promises about half-truths. In this episode, Nate Danser examines Scripture to find out why “I can’t get free unless God chooses to set me free” is a half-truth with no power to deliver people from porn addiction. And, one of our residential counselors will talk about how that very half-truth crippled his efforts to break free from pornography. And of course, we’ll look at the full truth that has power to set anyone free!

Resources

• Sexual Sin is a Liar | 20 Truths that Helped Me in My Battle with Porn Addiction (Short Video)

Anyone who justifies a porn habit is on very dangerous ground. In this week's "Timeless Truths" segment, we'll look at what the Bible says happens when we allow a pattern of sin to remain in our lives.

Host: Ken Larkin has joined us in the studio again. Ken, we want to deal with a question that came in from an individual who has been struggling with internet pornography for years. As a way of justification for their pornography use, they're looking at it from the perspective that since they're not actually involved in an affair with another person then their sin really isn’t a big deal. They see it as just blowing off steam and a way to enjoy their free time and yet they're asking the question, “How can I continue in my spiritual journey while doing this?” Interesting question there.

Ken: Yes, it is. First, I would say that if they have a sincere desire to grow spiritually and become more like Jesus, then the internet porn must go. There is no rational justification for sinning to blow off steam. And without a doubt, any sin, especially a long-standing sin like habitual pornography is hindering this person in their walk with God.

Host: Okay, now let's take a look at some of the negative effects of viewing pornography.

Ken: Well, all sin has consequences even if they're not readily apparent. So, what I would say first of all is that their heart is becoming more defiled and increasingly hardened as they continue this behavior. And with that, it's going to affect their relationship with the Lord in a negative way. There's no way of getting around that. And lust is selfish by nature. So, a person is going to be alienating themselves from the Lord and from other people the more that they are involved in this behavior.

Host: For sure. Well, Ken, let's deal with the perspective that he has that I think is very often common from men that are involved in pornography. He is justifying himself by saying he isn’t engaging in sin physically with someone else. Tackle that issue if you would.

Ken: What I would say is that really, it's a heart issue. Even though you're not physically involved in a relationship, you are committing adultery in your heart. You're having an affair with someone in your heart. And that would be true whether you're married or whether you're single. And with that also, you're heading down a dangerous pathway spiritually. The wages of sin is death and there's no way to get around that.

Host: Well, Jesus talks about this too.

Ken: Yeah, he sure does. Jesus explains this and He also gives us a serious warning in Matthew 5:28-30. He says, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” (Matthew 5:28-30, NKJV)

Host: Now, you started this discussion by assuming this individual was sincere, that they have a sincere desire to grow spiritually and become more like Jesus. So, if they truly are sincere, what should they get out of that passage in Matthew? What really would you admonish a person to do if they are serious?

Ken: We would call it radical amputation. Do whatever it takes to free yourself of this addiction. First of all, you have to get rid of the pornography, that’s nonnegotiable. With that, maybe an internet filter or something like that, that would help you would be great.

Host: Whatever it takes. That may mean getting rid of the computer or getting rid of the smartphone if some kind of protection software isn't going to do it for you. And I only say that because I know you can have all the protection software in the world you want, but if you really are craving sin, there's always a way to get around it. So, if it means getting rid of the computer, then it means getting rid of the computer.

Ken: That is so true. Secondly, I would say if you haven't done so already, it's important that you share this sin, get it into the light with your pastor or some godly individual that you can trust. And they can provide you with guidance and accountability as you're coming into freedom over this addiction.
       Thirdly, I would encourage you to enroll in our Overcomers At-Home Program. I've seen many individuals radically changed from the inside out as God has dealt with them at the root issues, this pride, this selfishness and all these things that aid and abet your sin. When God gets to the heart issue, it goes beyond outward change like putting a filter on your devices, God begins to take the desire for sin out of your heart. I've seen men come into a relationship with the Lord they never had before. Where they have something better than their sin and they enjoy that sweet fellowship with the Lord.

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Host: And that's so important. I think that was the thing that was missing in this individual's question was they saw the issue as, “What do I do about my spiritual journey?” But all they focused on was pornography. They missed what so many of us missed until the Lord opened our eyes: pornography really wasn't the issue. It was just the manifestation of the deeper issues of the heart that the Lord wants to deal with.

Ken: That's so true. And I would also say the Lord is not trying to take from us. God is wanting to give this individual more of himself and this pornography is just getting in the way. As they open up their hearts through genuine repentance and put their faith anew in Christ, He wants to pour in His spirit and give them that abundant life that He's promised for all of us.

Host: Amen. Well, Ken, thanks so much for talking to us about this question today. And we do want to let folks know if they are interested in the Overcomers At-Home Program or our Residential Program, there's information for both of these on our website at www.purelifeministries.org. Just click on the counseling tab.

In the same way that truth sets us free, deception keeps us in bondage. But the deceptions we are most vulnerable to are not the brazen lies, they are the ones mixed with truth.

Pornography is constantly telling us half-truths. The biggest one is this: Sexual pleasure is the most important aspect of life.

Our mission at Pure Life Ministries is simple. Show men and women why they're addicted to porn and then show them the way out. One of the reasons multitudes are addicted is because they’ve been deceived by half-truths. In "10 Half-Truths That Keep Us Addicted to Porn", we’ll look at deceptions that keep people in bondage to sin, but more importantly, we’ll use God’s Word to reveal the powerful truths that will set them free. This week: Sexual Pleasure is the Most Important Thing in Life.

Resources

• 20 Truths That Helped Me in My Battle with Porn Addiction (Bible Study) by Steve Gallagher
• The "Walk" Series (Bible Study) by Steve Gallagher

In this "Timeless Truths" segment: When we're unwilling to confess our sins, our hearts grow hard and calloused. But when we humbly confess our sins to God and a trusted spiritual leader, the power of the enemy will be broken off of our lives.

Host: Ken Larkin has joined me in the studio. Ken is a counselor for the Residential Program here at Pure Life Ministries. Ken, we got a question in that unfortunately is not all that uncommon. It's from a young man who is involved in his church. He's a worship leader who has been giving over to pornography. And, from the natural perspective, we can certainly understand he's afraid to tell anyone. He may be having thoughts like, “What if I tell someone? I might lose my job. It might be humiliating.” But he is asking, what should I do? What kind of counsel would you give this young man?

Ken: Well, the first thing I would do is take him to the Bible. There's a precious Proverb I'd like to share with him. Proverbs 28:13 (NKJV) says: “He who covers his sin will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” And if you really want to be free from your pornography addiction, it's absolutely essential that you do confess to the Lord. But besides that, you have to confess to another individual. And I would recommend that he confesses this to his pastor as soon as possible.

Host: Well, you've counseled a number of men in this area. What is some of the danger of not confessing this? What happens in our inside world when we know we're in sin and the Holy Spirit's convicting us, but we don't respond to that conviction.

Ken: It becomes easy to get into a cycle of failure and defeat when you're living in the darkness of hidden sin. You're in your own little world and you can find any reason to justify your sin. And what usually happens is if you're not willing to confess to another individual, your heart just grows harder. You start crossing boundaries that you never thought you would, and you actually end up going deeper into your sin.

Host: And really, the unwillingness to confess your sin is a reflection of the fact that you don't want to give up your sin. Also, the reality is that if you're in a good solid church and particularly if you're in a leadership position and you're involved in sin, you're probably going to be asked to step away for some time. Talk about the benefit of that.

Ken: Well, the benefit is that first of all, if you're living in sin, you shouldn't be in any type of leadership position to begin with. So, you're getting yourself out of that position of leading worship and what's happening is now you're coming under the godly counsel of your pastor and other leaderships. So, now you're having someone else come alongside you to actually aid you to get free from your sin. You're not in this battle alone anymore. You have prayer support; you have godly counsel and godly leadership. They can help you in your struggle and your fight to be free. And the verse I would share in regard to that is found in James. “Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16, 1984 NIV)

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Host: I know we've mentioned this in a previous discussion, but it's worth bringing up again in a situation like this. I can speak from personal testimony that when you're in a position where when the truth comes out, other people might be hurt or you might lose a job or position, the enemy is always there to give you 100 reasons why you shouldn't confess it. But we do want to caution that particularly for someone who is in leadership, they need to go to their leadership to confess not to someone who's under their authority.

Ken: That is correct. And really, the enemy of our soul thrives on secrecy and deception. And he would love to have you keep this thing in secret and for you to continue to deceive others. Because his goal is to keep you bound to your sin. So, the first thing you need to do is get your sin out into the light and that will break the devil's power off of your life. Bringing things into the light is part of your step to freedom. It is essential.

Host: And there is mercy available to those who are truly willing to repent. Repentance is a gift. God wants to give us that gift of repentance. But I do want to say also that if you're out there listening and you're in this position, frankly, it just takes courage to step up and do the right thing. And if you're one of those folks where you just think that you don't have what it takes to bring this into the light, then get before the Lord and say God help me. Help me to be able to do what I don't want to do in my flesh. He'll answer that prayer to help you to do the right thing because he really does want to set you free.

When we sin, our first instinct is to cover it up so that we avoid any painful consequences. But God’s Word tells us that whoever conceals his sin will not prosper, and whoever confesses and forsakes them will find mercy. In other words, the worst thing we can do is keep our sin hidden. If we want to prosper, we have to live a transparent life.

Sexual intimacy can be really complicated, especially for those who are dealing with the aftermath of sexual sin. In today’s episode, Jeff and Rose Colón talk about the biblical principles that will transform the marriage bed from a place of awkwardness, fear, and lust into a place of deep intimacy, trust and purity.

Resources

• Ashes to Beauty (Podcast Series) By Pure Life Ministries
• Intended for Pleasure (Book) By Ed Wheat, M.D.

Some say that if you want to discover the roots of addictive behavior, you have to look at a person’s childhood, because the data shows that if a child’s father doesn’t give them the love they need, they can have real problems later in life. But does that mean that a father's failure to love causes a person to become an addict? In today’s interview, we'll discuss what the Bible teaches about why we do what we do, and how to deal with our own bad choices.

Resources

• A Firm Foundation: Scandalous Love and Lavish Mercy (Video)