The Story of Dustin Renz (Part 1): From Darkness to Light

Our enemy is very real. We are the targets of his schemes, and he will be satisfied with nothing less than the destruction of our lives and our souls. Dustin Renz knows these schemes very well. He came to Pure life about a decade ago, and his story shows very dramatically how Satan is able to draw us into his world and corrupt our souls with his lies. Dustin’s experience may be more extreme than yours, but listen closely, because his story will help bring the enemy’s schemes in your life into sharp focus. (From #403 -   World of Lies: The Father of Lies)

Dustin, several chapters in "Walking in Truth in a World of Lies" are devoted to explaining why Satan's lies are so powerful, and we know he is a master deceiver, but the reason that they are so powerful—that they have such a hold on us—is because our own sinful hearts want that deception. And we can hear those things in a theoretical sense, but miss how it connects to our own lives, how our own hearts are being pulled by the lies of the enemy. So I wanted to bring you in because, for many years, you bought into the devil's lies, and that was taking you somewhere very real in your internal world. I was hoping that you could give people a picture about what it was like for you in your life when you were walking down that path.

Sure, when I was young we did ouija boards and listened to satanic music. When I was at a friend's house, I got exposed to all these dark things. At that time, when I was really young, I kind of rejected it. I experienced it; but I didn't really long for it. It wasn't until I went through some things in my life: my parents divorce and some other things, when I found myself beginning to latch on to that. For me it was always music that was the driving force behind it. I listened to all kinds of satanic and goth rock bands, and what it did was open me up to a satanic deception and that really became a driving force of my life. As a teenager—in my formative years not, really understanding exactly what I was getting into—I just remember I was so filled with rage and hatred. I just hated myself and who I'd become and I hated people around me. I had a very strong desire to get revenge on people; I wanted to hurt people, I wanted to hurt myself; I had a history of suicide attempts. Outwardly that played out in cross-dressing and wearing all black; I did all that kind of stuff. I was very depressed, but even after I got out of that lifestyle and started dabbling with drugs and partying, I had the same internal anger and frustration and all that kind of came with me at all times. When I look back—I wouldn't have been able to verbalize this back then—I see… you know the Bible talks about how Satan disguises himself as an angel of light, and I realized I never had... I always had an awareness that the God of the Bible was really God and that there was a real devil but somehow, in all that I went through, the devil had almost convinced me that he was like a friend to me, that he would give me what I wanted—my heart's desires—and that God wouldn't be able to supply those things. So in all of that it was very confusing and deceiving, but looking back I felt like that's kind of like at the root of it: I really believed that God wasn't good and wasn't going to provide for me what I needed.

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I'm glad you shared that about that lie that you were believing because that's what I wanted to talk about next. When Pastor Steve and I talked in a previous episode, he said that people are changed by deception over a period of time. So that they start out here and they end here... Often the way it works is that a lie presents itself and a person follows that—buys into that lie—and then there are other deceptions that begin to present themselves and the longer you go down that path of following these lies, you are changing internally and your externals are changing and we can end up in places we never imagined we would back at the beginning. You know even if people can't relate to the specifics—cross-dressing, drugs, suicide—that lie that you were believing, that the devil has something to offer and God is withholding something, that is common to man. So talk more about that, maybe, as you look back. How did that play out in your life?

When you look at the Garden of Eden that's really the first lie that Satan told Eve. The first thing: God's holding out on you, there's something he doesn't want you to have. So I think all these years later it still works, and that was the basis of the belief because I grew up in church I had some kind of understanding, but it was as if there was always some kind of offer on the table. It kind of changed at different times, but it was always a promise of satisfaction. At times, “if you follow this path there's going to be pleasure,” and all these things; chasing an experience that I could never really achieve but there is that pursuit. I remember at times it was really about power. Because I had been picked on and because I've been bullied and abused, I had this inward thing that one day I was going to get back against everybody. "One day I'm going to get my revenge on everyone." I even remember—it sounds crazy now—but like when I was a freshman in high school, I was in the middle of this darkness. I had a friend and I told her, “listen I need to tell you a secret,” and we talked and I said, “I think I'm some kind of God.” I said, “I've got this power; there's something in me that one day is going to be shown to the world.” I couldn't even explain what that was, but I had this feeling, and I look back and I know it's just a demonic lie; the devil promises that to people. I was pursuing that, there was something in me that wanted power. Eventually when I began doing music and got into hip hop music, then it was just a desire for fame. It was almost like the devil was saying “if you do this for me, I will elevate you and you will become,” you know “like such and such celebrity." So it was always a pursuit of a self, it was something that I could get... like “God can't provide these things for you because if you do them for him it's going to be for His glory, so if you really want the glory and you really want the power you're going to have to do it for me,” is kind of like the lie that was being purported. So all these years I was chasing something and the devil was almost saying like “just keep on coming a little bit deeper, keep coming a little more into the darkness” and, “it's right here.” But, of course, it was just an illusion, and I could never actually grasp what he was promising.

In that process along with that pursuit came the depression, the rage, the dissatisfaction, but you never connected that with the process of following Satan.

Well if you had asked 14, 15, 16-year-old Dustin, "are you following the devil?" I would not have worded it that way. I knew that I had allowed things into my life. I used to read books on witchcraft and Satanism and listen to those kinds of bands, but I never considered myself like a devil-worshiper. But now on the other side of it looking back at my life, it's so obvious what the devil's scheme was, and what was going on, but in the midst of it was just confusion. I just thought I was trying to live my life and make things happen, you know, and all that was taking place in the spiritual realm, so I couldn't actually see.

Now if someone hasn't heard your testimony: you eventually went to Teen Challenge because of a drug problem, and you had this incredible experience of just coming dramatically into God's light. So what was it like to have been in that darkness and then, suddenly, to have your mind, your heart, your emotions just changed and transformed and made whole?

I mean it was incredible. The first month I was there at the program, I was unable to get drugs, I had no escape, I was off medications; all that. So the darkness was very vivid; I mean I remember just getting angry at someone in the program and going and writing poetry about how I was going to kill him and all this kind of stuff. It was like, all of a sudden, I had nowhere to hide and all that demonic stuff was like there and I couldn't retreat from it by medicating. So when I finally surrendered my life to Christ, it was a moment of “I can't do this anymore and if you're real you have to show yourself.” And, if not, I figured I would just go and end up dead. I knew where I would head, it was kind of like a “make or break” situation. You know the Scriptures talk about being a new creation “the old has gone the new is come,” and I look back at my life and it was so obvious that God had done something because I literally transformed, not necessarily overnight, but in a very short period of time, into a completely different person. Every motive of my heart, the priorities, the peace inside; my mind being renewed and clear and just the desire to be with the Lord. All I wanted to do was worship and pray. We weren't allowed to keep the lights on at night except for if you're in the bathroom so I would go in the bathroom with my Bible, and for hours I would just dig through the Scriptures, because I was so hungry for God. A scripture says that we're brought out of darkness into his marvelous light. For some people that's more subtle, but for me that was a very apparent reality—not only to me but to everyone around me.

So today you're a pastor and you have a speaking ministry, you've written several books and I know one of the things that just burdens you deeply is that you want to see the church be what she has been called to be both corporately and individually. So when you see someone who's, maybe not even going down as dramatic a path as you, but just believing those lies, and you're seeing the enemy leading them away from the Lord, what do you do to help?

There's a couple things: the first one, probably, should be obvious but in today's church cultures, sometimes things aren’t so obvious, but the Word of God being the unadulterated truth of God; that every lie that the enemy has ever come up with, the truth is in that word. I think we underestimate the power of the Scriptures, so when I'm counseling, it's taking them to the scripture, when I'm preaching, when I minister, in my books; everything that I do, I'm very concerned that the scripture is throughout it because that's the truth that really transforms people's lives. I remember listening to David Wilkerson a few years ago in a message, and he defined a stronghold as any lie that a Christian believes and that's always stuck with me. The solution to that is, if you're believing a lie, then you need to be confronted with the truth and we get that with the Word. The other thing that I found, for me personally, that's been very powerful, is the power of testimony. I had that experience recently with somebody, just being able to minister to somebody and say “listen, I may not have been exactly where you're at, but let me tell you a little bit about what God brought me out of,” and there's something that clicks with people when they see, “well maybe I'm not the only one dealing with this,” and when they see somebody who's been through something similar and those lies have been overthrown and they're walking in the truth, it gives them the hope—it's almost like an invitation: God did this for me, he can do it for you.

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One last follow up: the further you go into that darkness the more power that darkness actually has over you, and I know that the hopelessness and despair can feel like "I am never getting out of this prison." What would you say to a person like that today?

I would tell them there is hope... You've heard the story, if someone is listening right now. I'm not the only one that God has done that for, but part of the enemy's deception is to make you believe there's no hope for you. And that's one of the reasons a lot of people, I think, they refuse Christ or they refuse the offer of salvation because they feel “God might love someone else. He might be able to die for them, but there's no hope for me.” If you can identify that as not truth and look at the truth of the scripture that there's hope in Christ, that He died for the world, the sins of the world, and that he died for you. If you can begin to realize, “maybe I feel hopeless, it could just be the enemy telling me that but what if God does love me? What if he really does want to set me free? what if there is hope for me?” and begin to confront those lies and find somebody, especially, that you can walk through this with. Listening to an interview is maybe a first step in receiving that help, but go to a spiritual leader, a pastor, a trusted friend and begin to share those things that are inside. I find, oftentimes, the more deceived you are the more you keep that stuff internally and when you begin to speak it out loud, you realize how ridiculous it sounds; when you actually say to somebody, “there's no hope for someone like me,” and when it comes out you're like wait a minute that sounds like a lie. So sometimes just confiding in someone who has the spiritual ability to help you. Tell them, “here's what I'm feeling what do you think?” Allow them to minister to you and allow them to begin to bring you to the truth of God's word and it would be a great first step in the process.