Why Psychologists Agree that Sex Addiction is a Form of Insanity

Leading psychologists who deal with sexual addiction agree that sex addiction is a form of insanity.

A sex addict lives in delusion, fantasy, and pursues a course he knows is harmful to himself and others. All of this is consistent with the behavior of the insane. (From #367 - Sexual Sin is the Epitome of Insanity)

Here at Pure Life we are Biblical Counselors. That is to say, all of our counsel comes directly from the Word of God. We believe that sexual addiction is an intense emotional attachment to sin. Addiction is a sin problem, and only God has the solution for sin. We are not psychologists, and don’t want to be. The word ‘psychology’ means the study of the soul, and we believe that only the Creator of the soul can heal it. So we put men in the Word of God, and the Holy Spirit uses the Word to change a man’s heart, renew his mind, and therefore change his behavior. It does little good to amend a man’s behavior if his heart hasn’t changed, because he’ll always go back to what his heart worships and his mind believes. But when God changes a heart, and renews a mind, you end up with a new man.        

Now, I’ve laid this foundation because, frankly, for the rest of my time I’m going to talk about psychology. One thing that all social scientists can do, and some do quite well, is to study human behavior and report out what they find about how men consistently behave. A scientist will analyze what he observes and record repetitions and patterns. This is the basis of all science. And not surprisingly, sex addicts all behave the same way. There is a discernible pattern to sin. James writes in chapter 1 of his letter that a man is tempted according to his own desires, deceives himself, gives in to the act of disobedience, and the result is always death. Every sex addict walks through this pattern every time.  

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It is the self-deception that is critical to the process. He has to lie to himself and believe his own lies in order to give himself permission to disobey God and do what he knows to be wrong. Though he knows the consequences of his sinful behavior will only lead to guilt, separation from God, injury to himself and others, he puts all this out of his mind, and pursues the object of his desire because he wants the very temporary high that comes from his sin. A rational person looking at this would quite simply conclude that such a thing is insanity. You know this brings death, you know it, and yet you do it anyway.  

Patrick Carnes is a highly regarded clinical psychologist who has spent his career studying the behavior of sex addicts. He is the author of such books as Don’t Call It Love and Out of the Shadows. And while we may not agree with psychological methods of treatment, we cannot fault this man’s observations and analysis.  

In his book, Out of the Shadows, Carnes basically says that all addictions are the result of insane thinking, and this is nowhere truer than among sex addicts. He writes that “Addicts progressively go through stages in which they retreat from the reality of friends, family and work. Their secret lives become more real than their public lives.” In other words, they lose touch with reality. He says, and I quote, “Leading a fantasy double life is a distortion of reality. An essential part of sanity is being grounded in reality, so in the sense that the addict distorts reality, the sexual addiction becomes a form of insanity.”  

He explains that all human behavior flows out of a man’s belief system, and that is the filter through which all his information passes. We agree. He sees reality, makes decisions, and behaves according to what is true for him, what he believes. Again, we agree. The Bible is very clear on that. So because the addict’s perception of reality is completely skewed, he acts according to his reprobate mind, to borrow the descriptor from the Apostle Paul.  

<pull-quote>‘Be not deceived. God will not be mocked. Whatever a man sows, that will he also reap.’ (Gal. 6.7) Sin has its wages and one day it will pay out.<pull-quote><tweet-link>Tweet This<tweet-link>

He completely ignores all the possible and even probable consequences of his behavior, believing that he is exempt and immune, and that such things as getting caught, bringing pain upon his spouse, losing his job, destroying his marriage, wrecking his life, (incurring the judgment of God on his sin) will never happen to him.

But, Paul writes, “Be not deceived. God will not be mocked. Whatever a man sows, that will he also reap.” (Gal. 6.7) Sin has its wages and one day it will pay out. Most of the men who come to Pure Life end up here because their sin began to cost them dearly, and they come, not just to rid themselves of their sin, but to save their marriages, their sanity, and their very lives.

Speaking still about the insanity of sexual addiction, Carnes offers a list of lies that a man must tell himself in order to do what he does. His list includes these, and every one of them is untrue:  

• If I don’t have it every few days, the pressure builds up.
• I’m oversexed and have to meet my needs.  
• What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.  
• Every guy would do this if he could.  
• If only my wife would be more responsive.  
• Cybersex is just electrons. This isn’t real.  
• With the stress I’m under, I deserve it.  
• It’s my way of relaxing.  
• This isn’t hurting anyone.  

Carnes concludes that whatever the rationalization (the form of self-deception) it further cuts the addict off from the reality of his behavior.

<pull-quote>He lies to himself, believes his own lies, justifies, blame shifts, separates from God and others, falls into guilt, remorse, despair, and then to make himself feel better, believes his own lies, and repeats the insane cycle all over again.<pull-quote><tweet-link>Tweet This<tweet-link>

We agree with these conclusions, that there is an insanity to sexual sin, because we see it every day, and not because Carnes says so, but because the delusion that comes with sin is clearly taught in the Bible. The Bible describes perfectly man’s behavior when he pursues sin, and he acts the same way every time. He lies to himself, believes his own lies, justifies, blame shifts, separates from God and others, falls into guilt, remorse, despair, and then to make himself feel better, believes his own lies, and repeats the insane cycle all over again. It is no wonder that a social scientist can describe this typically human pattern of sin revealed by the Word of God.  

When the psalmist David was repenting of his sexual sin, he cried out to God, “You desire truth in the inmost being!” There is no better antidote to the insanity of sexual sin than a consistent exposure to the truth and an unwavering commitment to speak nothing but the truth. This is where the Holy Spirit comes in and why we advocate strongly a biblical approach to sexual sin.  

First, the Word of God is the truth and reading it and studying it fills our minds with the truth. The Holy Spirit comes alongside His Word and applies the truth to our hearts and renews our minds. He shows us the lies we’ve believed and replaces them with the truth about God and about ourselves. A commitment to transparency and accountability means no more secrets and no more lies. We have to believe the truth, speak the truth, and live according to the truth.  

Insanity loses touch with reality. Sexual sin makes you insane. You live in a world of fantasy and order your life accordingly. You believe lies and tell lies. Sanity is living in reality, believing, speaking and living the truth. Believing a lie binds you to that lie. Believing the truth is what sets you free.