How Pornography Destroys Sex
Many people have the belief that pornography promotes sex. This couldn’t be further from the truth. What pornographic materials actually promote is the destruction of sex. Pornography is one of the most damaging forces against a healthy sex life. Sex is not a dirty or shameful activity. In fact, God created our sexual organs and made intercourse to be beautiful, intimate and enjoyable. Sex was His idea. In the past, the church has shied away from the topic of sex, leading some to believe it was something shameful. However, that was not the Lord’s original intention. He designed sex. And when kept within the boundaries of His original plan, it is one of the highest forms of pleasure two married people can enjoy.
The problem occurs when sex is taken out of the context for which God created it. Any form of sexual experience that is outside of the confines of a loving marriage between a husband and a wife becomes perversion. Pornography seeks to make perverse activity the normal expression of sexuality. As the years have passed since its inception, a cycle of depravity has made available pornographic materials that are unimaginably obscene and twisted.
When someone is given over to viewing pornography, something happens in their internal world. What should be repulsive to them becomes increasingly acceptable and even desired. Many sex addicts will testify to the fact that the longer that they stayed in their lifestyle, the more depraved the sexual acts became. It may have started off with “softcore” porn, but it led them into places that they had never intended to go. They simply thought they were going to have a little enjoyment, and they ended up a prisoner in a world of smut and darkness.
One of the consequences of living a life given over to pornography is that it changes the way a person views sex. Even after getting free from its grip, this is something that needs to be addressed in the life of the person who wants to enjoy a healthy sex life at its greatest potential. Pornography is an illusion; it is pure fantasy. What many fail to consider is that everything is staged. In a pure sexual experience between a husband and a wife, there are no camera men in the room. There is no script to get right. There are no microphones being held up. The husband isn’t a paid actor, chosen for his masculine build and the wife isn’t a paid actress who was hired for her perfectly shaped body. Neither of them is being paid to portray that they are participating in the most pleasurable sexual experience possible. Yet, that is a description of the world of porn.
<pull-quote>Any form of sexual experience that is outside of a loving marriage between a husband and a wife becomes perversion. Pornography seeks to make perverse activity the normal expression of sexuality.<pull-quote><tweet-link>Tweet This<tweet-link>
Sometimes, I do marriage counseling for couples in which the man has a history of pornography. I’ll pull him aside when we talk about sex and tell him something that I hope will save him and his future wife a lot of pain and heartache. I say, “Remember that your wife is not a porn star. Don’t treat her like one or expect her to act like one.” The reason this is important to address is because I understand that the person who has been involved with perversion has a distorted concept of God’s design for sex. Having been exposed as a young boy—long before I ever had a sex education class or a talk from a parent—I understand how pornography can completely twist a person’s mind until their concept of sex is rooted in an entirely different realm from God’s design. Two things can happen to a man who enters marriage with a pornographic mindset. Either he will be disappointed in his sexual relationship with his wife because it does not look as passionate, experimental or exciting as the porn he has viewed; or he will try to pressure his wife to do things that she is uncomfortable doing. Both hurt the intimacy that a married couple should enjoy in their sexual relationship.
To avoid this, it is important that a couple be completely honest with each other. Vulnerability is essential to a healthy sex life. Communication with one another is crucial. Too often, couples are too embarrassed to discuss their sex lives. The person who has a background in pornography needs to learn to intentionally set aside any perverted thinking that may have infiltrated their mindset and set out to please their spouse in the way that they need. While porn displays a selfish attitude toward sex, God designed it to be a blessing to one another.
Sex is amazing. It is one of the most pleasurable experiences that the Lord has given to us to enjoy on this earth. But pornography destroys sex as God designed. If your mind has been distorted by a false image of sex, perhaps it is time to reject those perversions and embrace God’s design for sex in your married life.
